Post # 1
I’m in need of some advice here. My FI and I are financially established and have lived together for over a year, so we don’t ‘need’ anything in particular. To compound the problem, we’ll finish a major remodel a few months before the wedding and will want most of our kitchen wares before the wedding, so we don’t want to register for every-day plates/flatware or cookware. That said, we do want to register so we don’t have random gifts. I’m having trouble trying to explain to my darling what kinds of things we could register for.
I’ve tried saying “things we’d like to upgrade, like bath towels for example” and “nice serving ware we don’t need right away, like a second set of dishes or some nice silverware for holidays” but it’s not working. He gets frustrated and tells me he doesn’t know how to categorize or provide input on the registry, he feels like I’m boxing him in to my suggestions and can’t figure out what I’d want him to add. He definitely wants to be involved, and I’m happy about it, but it’s driving me nuts that every time I bring it up we end up at a stalemate.
Has anyone encountered similar problems? Any suggestions for ways to get his registry juices flowing?
Post # 3
My husband and I were the same way. Honestly, we didn’t register for a lot of stuff because we knew that we might be moving a few times coming up and didn’t want to have more things to move. Do you really need a lot of that stuff or do you think that getting gift cards or cash might suit you better because then you can get the fill in things and other things that aren’t as glamourous (we spent our Target gift cards on food mostly).
Post # 4
I’d be all right with gift cards, that’s a great option! I’d still like to have a few dozen things on the registry for those that feel the need to get a “thing” rather than cash.
Post # 5
we had the same argument, so i backed down and let him choose everything. then i went through the list, explained to him why i didn’t think that a wine cooler/ANOTHER salt and pepper grinder/salt pig was not necessary, and deleted. saved a lot of drama 🙂
Post # 6
why don’t you all just take a walk through the store and talk about items as they catch your eye? just an idea…
Post # 7
What kind of things does he want to add? As you live together, focus on what you need. Make sure to bring this up to him. For example: Gee Whiz, I am cutting up all these veggies for a veggie tray, it sure would be nice to have a pretty tray to display them on, maybe we can register for one”. Lame I know but you get the point. We really found that when we really focused on all the things we needed you start to see a lot!
Post # 8
We’re kind of going through some tension right now – we desperately need to upgrade some of our pots and pans, as we’ve been sharing an apartment with another couple, but will be moving out this summer into our own place (yay!) – so, we’re both very kitchen-oriented and love cooking, which means crappy cookware is out of the question. He wants to buy a so-so Cuisinart 10 piece set from Amazon, I want to invest in a few single pieces that we’d use the most from Le Creuset, CIA, etc from Ebay or Amazon.
Every time we go to buy something home-related now we think, “wait, how will this affect the registry?” which sounds ridiculous, but as college students, every dollar counts! We already have a lot of the traditional registry items, so at this point we’re hesitant to buy too much, and we’re really struggling stock up the new apartment without completing our own registry.
Post # 9
we’re totally in the same boat. we moved into our house last august and FMIL has already stocked our entire kitchen/house with all of the essentials.
so we went through and listed all of the essential things (few) that we are missing… after that we went through and listed stuff that we want to upgrade…
and then we’re at a point now, where we need to add just a few “we want this for no reason” things so that guests have more options.
we’ve done all of our registry online, so one of these days we’re gonna go in and pick stuff out that both of us want
Post # 10
Maybe try to do an online one, where you can choose from different stores. That’s the only way we were really considering going since we already had a lot of house ‘stuff’ and I just couldn’t make myself register for stuff that we had perfectly good ones already. But I was spending so much time looking online for stuff and I’m so indecisive that we didn’t end up registering, it was just stressing me out toooo much. We got mainly cash, some gifts, but only took two things back so it worked out well for us not to register.
Post # 11
We needed new stuff. We have been living together for three years, but it was mostly my stuff, and it was all cheap stuff bought in college. The plates are old and chipped, the pots and pans are gross… we needed new stuff. BUT not everything.
You will find LISTS all over the internet saying what you “should” register for. We started with those & crossed out everything we didn’t need. Then we started thinking about other things we would like.. artwork for the walls, a new duvet cover, camping gear.. and we added that stuff.
We found it all at stores, but I do believe that you can register at Amazon.com – which allows your list to be ALL over the place. that way you aren’t stuck with a bunch of lists from a bunch of stores, or just a list of things you want on a piece of paper.
Hope this helps!
Post # 12
We’ve been living together for almost a year and we both lived alone before that. We’re upgrading some of the things we already have (toaster, microwave, etc) and getting rid of the old stuff. We did register for everyday dishes, etc. because the new ones will be “ours” as opposed to his dishes, my glasses, etc.
Sept’s not that far off — can you use the stuff you have for now & wait for some of the kitchen things that you want?
Post # 13
There are alternatives to traditional registries. LL Bean, for example, I think ha a registry (camping, kayaks, etc). You could look around for alternative options…based on hobbies, personal interests
It doesn’t have to be towels and plates.
Post # 14
@ tweetweet: Hopefully I can get him to sit still for long enough to make a list of his own ;o) During our remodel it’s been hard to find the time, but I like the direction you’re suggesting!
@ cazsos: He can’t think of anything to add, which is a little crazy-making for me, lol! I think that “in the moment” suggestions might work out really well once we’re finished with the remodel and can unpack and use the items we already have in storage. We’ve been ‘cooking’ out of our guest bathroom since July ’09 while we completely remodel the kitchen/living/dining rooms.
@ missjyc & troubled: on-line would be so easy! We’ve always planned to do some of it on-line, and just visit the store for things we need to lay hands on before deciding whether it’s right for us :o)
@ Ella1978: L-O-V-E Amazon! It’s my FIs fave, since you can see so many product reviews. I’m hoping he’ll get on there at some point and add some things, just have to get him on that ‘page’ so to speak!
@Dancy905: Oh, gosh, I wish! We’ve been without a kitchen/living/dining room since July, and while I’d be OK waiting a bit longer my FI is desperate to feel like we’re living in a normal house again! I think I’m more laid back because my house growing up was always being remodeled, so it’s nothing new for me ;o)
@ menobride: I’m liking the “non-traditional” idea as an option. I floated the honeyfund idea the other day and he was pretty receptive to doing a combination “housewares” and “honeymoon” for our registries. Yay!!!
Thanks to all of you bees for the encouraging words, it’s just the spoonfull of honey I needed!! I’m feeling much more optimistic about the whole thing. We just need to work extra hard and get our house done so we can focus on the fun stuff.
Post # 15
Um, FI got no say in the registry and we are both happier that way. He knows I am the one who does the cooking and cleaning and since I am the lady of the house, so to speak, the registry is my domain.
Post # 16
If you’re doing a remodel – are there any tools that you need? You could have him be in charge of a Home Depot or Sears registry?