Regret and anxiety after marriage

posted 3 years ago in Recaps
Post # 3
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

See a therapist. I wouldn’t tell your husband about what happened. It was wrong and you have to come to terms with it. No reason he should be punished too. 

Post # 5
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m sure others may disagree. But you were super young and seem genuinely remorseful. I know people who have done much worse. Definitely consider therapy as anxiety is nothing to mess with.

Maybe someone will advise telling him  if you still can’t focus and aren’t yourself.

Post # 6
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@newbride9:  I agree with the previous poster. You were young and people make silly mistakes. I don’t consider kissing as cheating exactly, especially as you weren’t engaged at the time and you feel super guilty about it, so you’re not likely to do it again. If you hooked up with that guy a few months after you got back together with your boyfriend, it’s possible that you were still feeling insecure in your relationship, which makes it understandable.

Do you know why you hooked up with that guy for the second time? Did you feel that something was missing from your relationship, or do you think there was something special about just that guy? If it’s the first one, it might be worth going to therapy together. Perhaps don’t mention the other guy, but just have general conversations? If it’s the second one, remove that guy from your life, and remember the 80-20 rule. That guy might have the 20% you feel is missing from your relationship, but your husband has the 80% you do need. So don’t give up the 80% for the 20%.

If you truly believe it was a meaningless mistake that you won’t ever repeat, don’t bring it up with him. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him… and I think the guilt you feel right now would be made even worse by the guilt you would feel over hurting him.

Good luck x

Post # 7
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think if you are committed to your husband and your marriage now, your past shouldn’t be too much of an issue.

You were young and you seem to regret it.

Accept the guilt as your “punishment” and focus on your marriage.

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with PPs–get some therapy, but don’t tell your DH. It was once, you regret it, and  now you just have to live with it.

Post # 9
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with the PPs also. Get some therapy, you were 20 years old, and in an off and on relationship. I would not tell your husband.

Post # 10
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

Telling him would be for YOUR benefit and not his; don’t tell him. There is absolutely no reason for him to know. You know it was a one time thing, it was a mistake, and you never intend to repeat it. In reality, those are important lessons to learn, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up or have anxiety over it. You made a mistake, but you learned from that mistake, and that’s the best we can ask for out of situations like that. So move on if you can. If you can’t move on, then pay to have a therapist tell you the same thing, but don’t hurt your DH and jeopardize your marriage over something that’s over and done and in the past.

Post # 11
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@echomomm:  

Telling him would be for YOUR benefit and not his; don’t tell him

Yes this exactly!!

@newbride9:  

In any other situation no one would advise you to do something that would hurt his feelings if it will make you feel better.

Definitely talk to a therapist about the guilt though.

Post # 12
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Although emotional and physical attraction and engaging in anything more than a hug to me is cheating, I don’t think you should tell him.  I think you should work on your self and your mental ability to let it go.

Like you said, you started a MATURE relationship AND moved on.  So move on!  We all make mistakes, and it wasn’t like it was a random thing, you were having rough patches. 

Now DON’T DO IT AGAIN! 🙂

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