Post # 1
My parents divorced when I was 15 years old. Father moved to another country. I have only seen him a handful of times since his departure, but I stay in contact with him via the telephone. We talk once a week. He never remarried since my parents divorce. My mother didn’t date for a long time, but now has a boyfriend (going on 5 years now). They have NOT seen each other since their divorce in 1999.
Here is the deal… I am married. We had a small civil ceremony where our mothers (and their boyfriends), brothers, sisters, and a few friends attended. Husband’s father has passed, and mine is out of the country. I thought since my mother witnessed out civil ceremony, we should have our religious ceremony in the country where my father is so he can give me away. My mother wasn’t thrilled with idea, but said she would go wherever I decided to get married. Of course, she emphasized her boyfriend was coming and it was non-negotiable. I said fine, I don’t have a problem with him. I told dad the plan, and he freaked!!! He said the boyfriend is not allowed anywhere near my wedding. Mind you – My dad is known to create drama and scenes. He tends to drink too much, and say the wrong thing, upset people, and/or start a fight. He is the type of person who ‘says what is on his mind’.
I told him the only reason I coming to you to get married is for him to give me away and celebrate my marriage. He hasn’t even met my husband yet, and he is not happy about my father trying to control the guest list. We are paying for wedding, and I feel we can invite whom we want. I am seriously thinking about not getting married near my father in order to be stress free, and focus on our religious ceremony with my husband. I know I will be constantly checking on him and my mother, making sure he doesn’t drink too much, etc. I don’t trust he’ll behave at all. His sister, my aunt, got drunk at my brother’s wedding and made caused a scene.
Would I regret not having my father there? Or should I trust his track record, not make exceptions, and have wedding without him?
Post # 3
I’d tell dad to stuff it. HE moved to another country, that’s not your fault. Adults should be adults, and they’ve been divorced for 13 years, he needs to get over it. Your mom and her Boyfriend or Best Friend should be just as entitled to be at your wedding. He could have made the trip back to you during your first wedding.
Post # 4
@starfish0116: I JUST DID!!!! I called and said I was getting married in the town I grew up, and he said “did your mother put you up to this”. :O ARGH!!!! This is exactly why you aren’t invited. Parents forget it’s not about them, it’s about the couple who is about to make a life long commitment. I am glad I did it, and so far no regrets. Thanks ‘starfish0116!
Post # 5
@wedquest22: We had something similar, but it was my mom who we did not invite or uninvited due to her pulling something like this.
As somone who walked down the aisle a month ago, I have absolutely NO REGRETS about my decision. I would not change a single thing about my wedding day. I walked down the aisle alone, and it was perfect, because it represented me and the fact that I had to be independent.
Part of being an adult and getting married is sticking to boundaries and defending your family. Your FAMILY = your new hubby and the people who are there for you. If he can’t do that, then that’s not your issue it is TOTALLY his!
Post # 6
@wedquest22: It’s totally up to and your choice. It’s hard to invite someone who is acting like that but he is your father. It’s a hard decision maybe try and talk to him once more and tell him how important this day is to you and you want him there but if he can’t behave for your day then he can’t come.
Post # 7
Hi brides!! I am new t this site. First of all, congrats to all of you!! In reaction to the issues in reget of not inviting you father, I have a father who did not attend my first weddding to the father of my children because of a very long, on going and majorly imature fued with my mothers husband. (Were talking since I was twelve, and I am now 36!! Really?!) I just announced to him tonight that I am enged an told him I would really love for him to attend and he said he would, but then commented on if I was going to invite my mothers husband. I do not want a reapeat of 18 years ago when he did not attend due to the fact that my mothers husband was there. I had to have him, not my actual father, walk me down the isle. My fiance says I should just tell them I’d like them both there, and let them work it out. But due to past experiences with them, this is my day, and to be honest, Im worried a scene could be made by there confrontation. Any advice? Thanks!!
Post # 8
Wow…all of this sounds too familiar. I’m not inviting my father to our wedding. They divorced when I was sixteen and my mom raised me and my three younger siblings without any help from him. He was always selfish and only thought of himself, still does. My mother cannot stand the sight of him. I debated whether or not to invite him and in the end decided not to. I want my mom to enjoy the wedding too and I know him being there will make her uncomfortable. After all she’s done for us I wouldn’t put her through that.