- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I have been married for over a year now and ever since a couple months before my wedding, I have been regretting my choices for Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s.. and it has been really bothering me so I just need to rant…
None of them have been married so I get that they haven’t experienced this and what not, and I don’t think any of them have been in a wedding party other than mine but I don’t think they ever even looked at what being part of a wedding party is all about. I picked them because they were all my closest friends at the time. One of them, I haven’t even heard from since the wedding.. not for my lack of trying either. I’ve given up trying with her.
Anyways…. they were barely there for me in the months leading up to the date. (MOH lives an hour away and was supposed to come down for the month before the wedding, then bailed on that but promised she would be there on weekends.. I maybe got 2 weekends out of her, if that.) A couple weeks before the bachelorette I found out they were planning on taking me downtown to go to some bars/clubs and drink. We’ll I am not really a drinker (I don’t like the taste of it at all). Furthermore, I have never been downtown partying and really don’t have any desire to. Not my idea of a fun night out. And on top of that, I work in a Christian workplace and as part of that, I signed a contract stating that I would not drink in a public setting (drinking in privacy of a home is fine). I am completely okay with that. So I expressed this all to that Maid/Matron of Honor (she understood thankfully and agreed to talk to the BMs about it), but my bm’s (one in particular) did not like this so much. One of them said to my Maid/Matron of Honor ‘well we want to go DT, couldn’t B (me, bride) just drink a bit before hand and not drink when we go DT. That way, she could be the designated driver as well… UM HELLO?! I thought this night was supposed to be a celebration for me… Shouldn’t I get some input on the night? So we ended up going to a hotel for the night. Did a little bit of drinking, went swimming in the hotel pool. The plan was then to stay up all night and such. By 12:30am they were complaining that it was late and they were going to sleep. The night wasn’t even that fun. Oh and did I mention that I HAD TO PAY FOR THE HOTEL? I have a hard time saying no to anyone, and at the time I was just glad we weren’t going DT but looking back I can’t believe I agreed to that…. The rest of my life is far from being about me… is it too much to ask for this night and my wedding to be about me?
Basically all they did was stand beside me at the wedding.. I didn’t even get a wedding gift from most of them! Okay wait that sounds selfish…… I don’t care so much about the gift… but at least a card would have been nice….
I know it’s a year later and I should just let it go.. but I just wish I could go back in time and have a do over… I have gotten to know some people over the past year that would have been a much better wedding party….
And don’t get me started about the Best Man… My SO was away for a month just before our wedding and I called him in tears one night… I was just so stressed about everything and the Best man had been texting me pretty much attacking me about a decision that wasn’t even fully in our control. (The venue we chose was one that I wanted since I was 13. It is a Christian camp about 3 hours away from the city and part of the regulations of the camp are that if you are not married you cannot stay in the same room.) We were travelling up as a wedding party the night before for the rehearsal and they were all told well in advance of this fact, and that if they wished they could stay in a hotel/motel in the area. All of the rest of them were okay with this except for him. He seemed to think that he was better than the rest of them since he was Best Man and that the regulation should not apply to him, and attacked me for this. I told him that it was the same for everyone, we were sorry but it was not up to us. He made an argument that since him and his Girlfriend were living together, they were common-law married. I told him that one of my BM’s has been living with her bf for over a year and they have a baby together and I unfortunately still couldn’t allow that. He attacked me for comparing him to another member of the party and said that if I though he was the same as the rest of the party he would act like one and do the bare minimum as well.
Basically I told SO to handle it… I was so stressed with everything else… I did not need that to deal with as well. After SO talked to Best man, he and gf decided to stay in a motel. But I never was apologized to or anything. (Also, when it was time during our planning to look into suits for the men, I sent him alone with his boys, having complete trust, but I did want to see the choices just to be sure they matched the dresses… Best man told SO that I need to back off and leave them to do the suit shopping. And that I should be able to trust him in making this decision. I really didn’t feel it was his place to say that… It wasn’t his wedding. In the end, I did not see the suits before hand and ended up with chains attached to the pants.. ugh… and the Groomsmen were fine in a nice green vest under the suit that matched, but Best Man was in a gold vest that personally I think looked awful. I have a feeling though that Best man pushed that, it was not really SO’s decision because he wanted to be different from the GM)
Sorry for being so long winded and ranting… it feels so much better to get this out there.. I hope no other Bride to be has to go through what I did with their wedding party… no Bride deserves to be treated this way.
Am I overreacting or is my rant valid?