Post # 1
We’ve put a deposit on it and sent STD’s.
We live on the west coast, but decided to get married on the east coast where my family is and where I grew up. Now I regret it. I did it because I knew that my side of the family would have more difficulty travelling than my fiance’s side.
Maybe I have been away from my family for too long or maybe I just never noticed before, but they are horrible. They are demanding, pushy, bossy, ungrateful and sometimes just mean. One trip to Toronto and I have already spent half of it in tears. There were just awful on my dress options, venue choices, date choice. I felt like all I did was fight with them the whole time.
Fiance’s family on the other hand have been nothing but supportive and kind. And they are all willing to take time off work, fly across the country to share our day with us.
I really don’t feel the joy about getting married in Toronto. I should have just booked it where I lived and let them choose if they wanted to join us or not.
I have tried to talk to them. My mother seems to blame me says I came there for a fight.
My sisters hated my dress choices, said “oh no you can’t wear that it looks like a doiley”, yet they are unable to like a single one of the 50+ dresses I’ve tried on. They hated my venue, They told me it was unfair for me to have it on a friday as people have to work (yet all of his family are not only happy to take the day off, they have already booked their hotel rooms). They are pushing me on who to invite (which I expected as that is the norm). And my mom is bullying me because she wants my niece and nephew in the wedding party (which we don’t want they will be too old for flower girl and ring bearer, and I know they are the only niece and nephew in the family, but they are spoiled rotten, and every event turns into a show about them) My Mom already forced me into having my sisters as co-MOH’s and to be honest one of my sisters has been mean to me for years. In fact, I can do nothing right around either of them.
Now my mom is taking a passive stand…”do want you want, its your wedding”
Post # 3
“do want you want, its your wedding”
You: “THANKS, I will.”
I do not understand letting your wedding become a runaway train you want to jump off of. I got pressure too, and I eloped because it was becoming a miserable circus instead of a celebration of our marriage.
Post # 4
Then I would “do what you want” and have the wedding on the west coast. It seems like your family is going to be nothing but pains in the -you know what! I have a feeling that if you continue planning your wedding where your family is, you’re going to continue being in tears and being unhappy.
Post # 5
But people have already made travel plans and we will lose our deposits. Maybe its worth the price. But I hate to change plans on the people that have been good to me. His family members are looking forward to a trip to Toronto.
Post # 6
This is your wedding, NOT theirs. Don’t let them ruin your big day. They don’t like your date, your venue, your dress? Well, that’s too bad, for their wedding they can make their own decisions. But this is your day, your choices.
“I don’t like that on you blahblahblah”
You: “Well I DO.”
“You should do this like that, invite this person, blahblahblah”
You: “If you don’t mind, this is my wedding, and I’d like to make the decisions…thanks.”
If you really can’t change the venue, please just remember to stay positive. Let them do their whining, but remember that this is your day, and ultimately, you need to make the decisions that will make you happy, not your family.
Post # 7
Sometimes I think weddings tend to bring the worst out in people. Just write it off as temporary insanity and do your own thing. I also think moms sometimes tend to try to live vicariously through their son or daughter’s wedding, for whatever reason. They think it somehow reflects on them as a parent.
Post # 8
OH, of course I forgot that the pressure is on me. A little more background
I am the oldest of 3 girls and I should know better, I’m 46
When I was 22 a psychic told me I wouldn’t get married until later in life. Determined to prove her wrong..I eloped with a boy that I met on holidays and knew for only 6 weeks. That lasted about 4 months.
So this is my only true wedding and relationship we met when I was 43.
My middle sister, was planning a wedding and decided to get married without telling anyone in a little church around the corner from my mom’s. Everyone was very disaapointed. She ended up having a pot luck reception.
The youngest sister was engaged and ended up pregnant so they put the wedding off, then a 1.5yrs later ended up pregnant again, so again no wedding. Then they spilt up a year later.
So I am the only one that weill really walk down the aisle. You would thing with the track record that they would be supportive.
Post # 9
Thats how I feel. I think weddings are getting out of control. It should be a joyous event. Not a three ringer.
Post # 10
I do believe weddings can bring out the craziness in some people, but not all. If I were you, I’d really just plan my own thing and not ask for opinions about anything from anyone. That way nobody gets much of a say as it’s already been done! Once you begin sharing or asking what other people think, you’re bound to get some responses that will upset you.
Why have people booked rooms so far in advance? I didn’t even think hotels would take reservations before a year ahead unless its a resort or a convention being planned where rooms go quickly.
Post # 11
Its a really small Inn only 21 rooms. So people are grabbing them up. I suspect we will end up with the entire place.
You are right about not asking or including them in my plans. I just thought it was something that you share with your mother and sisters. 🙁
Post # 12
What a shame that the people you expect to be the most excited and supportive will sometimes be the most negative. 🙁