Post # 1
The title says it all. I am very confused and ashamed about something in my past. I know that we all have a past and some are not so pretty and some worse. I am sorry this is so long.
When I was 12 going on 13 years old I met a man that attended my church, he befriended me and soon convinced me to sneak out of my house and he would pick me up. We went to his place and before I knew it, he was taking my clothes off and penetrating me. I was completely confused and unsure of what was going on at the time. My parents never talked to me about sex. I guess they figured I knew better because of going to church.
This type of abuse continued for about 1 year. At the time of this happening he told me things that now make me believe he manipulated me into thinking that he cared about me. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. I was so young and this older man made himself seem like a knight in shinning armor. When all of this was going on, I didnt think of it as melostation, I thought of him as someone that cared for me. But what did I know? My parents eventually found out about the abuse but he convinced to convince them to not press charges and I guess their faith helped them forgive him.
So here comes the hard part. I am so affraid of running into this man. I think we live in the same town. I have never told my DH about this because I am ashamed and scared of what he might say. I do blame myself for behaving that way and losing my virginity at such a young age. I should have known better. It’s not like I was a kid. I mean I was but I should have still known better. I should have never let him continue this abuse.
A few years after I cut him out of my life I saw him drive through my neighborhood a few times directly in front of my mothers house as if he is looking for me so It does scare me that he could do it now if he found out where I am.
I am battling with myself over telling DH or not. I want to so that he knows in case something like this does happen but I am just so scared of looking like a bad person. I love him dearly and he has always stood by my side. I dont know what to do.
Please help me bees. I have no one else to talk to about this.
Post # 3
very sorry this happened to you – i think you should speak to a professional counsellor.
Post # 4
You were a CHILD and this was RAPE. You should not be scared of telling your husband! It was not your fault!
Post # 5
@klm2013: Talk to your husband. You should be able to tell him anything, and keeping something this huge a secret will continue to take a toll on you.
Post # 6
This was in no way your fault. You should not feel ashamed!!
Post # 7
@klm2013: Firstly i am so sorry you had to go through that, You were a child!! And reading your post i can see you still are punishing yourself for something you had no control over. He was a grown ass man, and he knew that it was wrong!! Please dont beat yourself up. xoxo
I would say please, please, go talk to someone about your abuse and what you went through if you havent seeked out proffessional help before. Esspecially when starting a marriage i would go counciling and then when youre comfortable please tell your husband.
He will not think badly of you but imagine how hard it would be on him to find out through another source that you never felt comfortable enough to tell him. He’s your partner and he loves you and will help support you and carry the weight of your pain right?! xo
As far as running into this man I am not sure what to say about that. I mean just be the bigger person, or if you feel comfortable if you run into him and he tries to talk to you, tell him “i dont talk to pedifiles, leave me alone you raped me as a child” Loud enough and stern enough that the people around you will hear. (assuming your in a public space) that would make him super imabarassed i would imagine & he would try and avoid you further.
Another thing might be goign to the police and talking to someone about it?
While i’ve never been in your possition, i just wnated to give you a BIG internet ((hug)) Please take care of yourself. xo
Post # 8
@klm2013: ((HUGS!!!!)) You have NO responsibility in this whatsoever!
It may feel that way, I know. But you were a child at age 13 and not at the age of legal consent. At such a young age you’re not capable of the psychological or emotional maturity required to fend off such an attack or make the decision to enter into it knowing what you were doing. You were manipulated, raped and abused. Even if you liked it, even if it felt good to you on some level, it was still wrong that an adult took advantage of you in such a terrible way. Please let go of the shame. You should tell your husband when you feel comfortable and safe to do so, and it may be the best thing to have the help of a professional to guide you.
Post # 9
You were a child, and you were raped. This is in no way your fault. Is there a professional or someone you can talk to about this? I think you should definitely talk to your husband about it when you feel ready.
Post # 10
Please talk to your husband and seek professional help. Your husband should know and you very much need direction to move past this. <3
Post # 11
This is in no way your fault. It’s very easy to look back on it and say “I should have known better”. Hindsight is 20/20. You were a child, you were manipulated into this and taken advantage of.
I strongly urge you to talk to a counselor to help you let go of this shame and guilt, and also open up about it to your DH when you feel comfortable.
As far as possibly running into this guy…you can always go take a restraining order out against him if it will make you feel safer.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Oh sweetheart, I think you should tell your husband. I’m sure it would kill him that you are bearing this all by yourself. No one in their right mind would ever blame you, and he can be such a big source of support for you.
Also, please look into professional counseling. You want to be able to move past this, right? That’s the best way. HUGS!
Post # 13
Like PPs, you were a child and you did not know any better. HE DID. You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself, or feel badly about yourself. What HE did was wrong.
I think seeking professional help would be a great idea, and with the help of this professional, you can maybe include DH in a session where you can tell him (not the first or second session… once you feel comfortable).
Post # 14
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You were just a kid. He is the one who should be ashamed. You didn’t lose your virginity at a young age, it was taken from you.
I hope you are able to tell your husband about this, I think you need the support. I would also recommend counselling to help you overcome your feelings of shame.
Post # 15
@klm2013: THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! AGAIN – THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! This man is a predator. HE should’ve known better. I highly recommend talking to a professional counselor. Making sense of something like this on your own will only hurt you.