regular bee ashamed and in need of advice

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

very sorry this happened to you – i think you should speak to a professional counsellor. 

Post # 4
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You were a CHILD and this was RAPE. You should not be scared of telling your husband! It was not your fault! 


Post # 5
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@klm2013:  Talk to your husband. You should be able to tell him anything, and keeping something this huge a secret will continue to take a toll on you.

Post # 6
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This was in no way your fault. You should not feel ashamed!!

Post # 7
2193 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@klm2013:  Firstly i am so sorry you had to go through that, You were a child!! And reading your post i can see you still are punishing yourself for something you had no control over. He was a grown ass man, and he knew that it was wrong!! Please dont beat yourself up. xoxo 


I would say please, please, go talk to someone about your abuse and what you went through if you havent seeked out proffessional help before. Esspecially when starting a marriage i would go counciling and then when youre comfortable please tell your husband.


He will not think badly of you but imagine how hard it would be on him to find out through another source that you never felt comfortable enough to tell him. He’s your partner and he loves you and will help support you and carry the weight of your pain right?! xo


As far as running into this man I am not sure what to say about that. I mean just be the bigger person, or if you feel comfortable if you run into him and he tries to talk to you, tell him “i dont talk to pedifiles, leave me alone you raped me as a child” Loud enough and stern enough that the people around you will hear. (assuming your in a public space) that would make him super imabarassed i would imagine & he would try and avoid you further. 


Another thing might be goign to the police and talking to someone about it?


While i’ve never been in your possition, i just wnated to give you a BIG internet ((hug)) Please take care of yourself. xo 


Post # 8
9019 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@klm2013:   ((HUGS!!!!))  You have NO responsibility in this whatsoever! 

It may feel that way, I know.  But you were a child at age 13 and not at the age of legal consent.  At such a young age you’re not capable of the psychological or emotional maturity required to fend off such an attack or make the decision to enter into it knowing what you were doing.  You were manipulated, raped and abused.  Even if you liked it, even if it felt good to you on some level, it was still wrong that an adult took advantage of you in such a terrible way.  Please let go of the shame.  You should tell your husband when you feel comfortable and safe to do so, and it may be the best thing to have the help of a professional to guide you.

Post # 9
8483 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

You were a child, and you were raped.  This is in no way your fault.  Is there a professional or someone you can talk to about this?  I think you should definitely talk to your husband about it when you feel ready.

Post # 10
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Please talk to your husband and seek professional help. Your husband should know and you very much need direction to move past this. <3

Post # 11
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This is in no way your fault.  It’s very easy to look back on it and say “I should have known better”.  Hindsight is 20/20.  You were a child, you were manipulated into this and taken advantage of.  

I strongly urge you to talk to a counselor to help you let go of this shame and guilt, and also open up about it to your DH when you feel comfortable.  

As far as possibly running into this guy…you can always go take a restraining order out against him if it will make you feel safer.


Post # 12
8847 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Oh sweetheart, I think you should tell your husband.  I’m sure it would kill him that you are bearing this all by yourself.  No one in their right mind would ever blame you, and he can be such a big source of support for you.

Also, please look into professional counseling.  You want to be able to move past this, right?  That’s the best way.  HUGS!

Post # 13
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Like PPs, you were a child and you did not know any better. HE DID.  You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself, or feel badly about yourself.  What HE did was wrong. 

I think seeking professional help would be a great idea, and with the help of this professional, you can maybe include DH in a session where you can tell him (not the first or second session… once you feel comfortable).

Post # 14
36 posts
  • Wedding: January 2013

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You were just a kid. He is the one who should be ashamed. You didn’t lose your virginity at a young age, it was taken from you.

I hope you are able to tell your husband about this, I think you need the support. I would also recommend counselling to help you overcome your feelings of shame.

Post # 15
819 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@klm2013:  THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! AGAIN – THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! This man is a predator. HE should’ve known better. I highly recommend talking to a professional counselor. Making sense of something like this on your own will only hurt you.

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