- 3 years ago
So, here I am going anon. I’m a regular here and I just totally need advice. To start off, I love my fiance more than anything else in the world. I feel really ungrateful for him, and I most likely am. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him to be honest… This is why I’m so confused. When I ask myself if I would ever leave him, I tell myself no. And that’s the truth. Like I said. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
But… Lately I’m just really unhappy. With everything in my life. I have a lot of stress going on, and things piling up. Maybe it’s that coupled with my fiance being insensitive.
So, I guess what my problem with him is things that have piled up. Like for instance, back about a year ago, I found out he was talking to a few girls, no big deal. It’s just that he lied and told me he doesn’t talk to girls… Anyway, after moving on from that, I said, okay it’s fine to talk to your female friends, just please be honest with me. Well, come a few months later, I find he’s been talking to only one girl, (lying about it to me), and they send winks to each other. A lot. Along with having cute nicknames for each other. Which he claims was to annoy each other but it didn’t seem that way to me. Also, through having found their conversations, I found out my fiance’s crazy ex was trying to contact him again and he never told me. But he told this girl he was talking to. Along with telling this girl literally this sentence, “I’ve told you more about my ex than even (insert my name here). ;)” Her response was, “Wow.” Then after a confrontation, he blocked her on facebook, and as far as I know, has had no more contact with her. Also, he had admitted to having a crush on her when they first met, but then changed the story to he didn’t. This girl even made fun of me and he never defended me. 🙁 Like when my fiance and I first started dating, he sent her a picture of me, and she said, “Eh, she’s ok..” Seriously. And he just said lol and moved on. He explained all with this girl as he was naive and didn’t realize it was flirty. I’m sorry I’m making him out to sound like a jerk. He’s really wonderful in the way he treats me otherwise. I guess I just have bad trust issues and dwell on things that I shouldn’t. He is always saying he loves me, and is super sweet.
But lately he’s been taking time we should have together to watch sports, or being insensitive when I’m upset about something. Even laughing at me (at first) if I cry about something. After I cry a while he gets sympathetic, but sometimes he wants me to stop because he can’t deal with it. 🙁 He also never ever surprises me with anything, and never wants sex. I have never been successful in getting him to have sex with me. He has to be in the mood first. Which is NEVER. We have had sex twice in the last three months. But things like holding my hand and hugging me and cuddling me he’s wonderful about. He has no problem with PDA and loves calling me his fiancee. But at the same time he snaps at me if I try to talk while he’s busy and can get very mean and defensive. Does this sound like someone who is going to be abusive sometime in the future or someone who is just naive about how to be in a relationship?
And FYI I’m a very passive person, I don’t like to be bossy or pushy and I love doing nice things for people. Is it somehow my fault?