Post # 1
Edited: I don’t want too much info “out there” so I edited my OP. The basic jist was….
My FBIL drives drunk and doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. He always thinks he’s fine but when you drive drunk on a night that you can’t remember the next day, you’re not “fine”.
I’m asking for advice on how to deal with this…
Post # 3
I’m sorry that I don’t have advice. What I do have is a good friend who was killed by a drunk driver. Please do anything in your power to stop him from drinking and driving. :'(
p.s. What do your husband and the brother’s wife say about it?
Post # 4
Hmmm, tough one. I think, next time he leaves your house or wherever, I would call the cops anonymously. You say him getting caught would be “detrimental” to his family, so think about how detrimental it would be if he, god forbid, went to jail for vehicular manslaughter or turned his wife into a widow. These things happen all the time, to people who think they are “fine”. Just something to think about. Good luck!
Post # 5
@mightywombat: I’m so sorry about your friend. This is exactly what I’m worried about. I love my FBIL and I don’t want anything to happen to him or anyone else.
It really wasn’t until today that I realized this was a serious problem. I can’t even imagine being so far gone that I’m not even really present in a conversation yet I get behind the wheel. Really scary stuff!
Post # 6
I think that he needs help asap. Way too many people die from drunk driving every year. I think almost everyone knows someone or of someone who was killed by drunk driving. MADD?
Could you do a intervention? Or atleast try to help him understand what could happen when he drinks and drives MADD has a TON of info on there site that may help you.
Post # 7
I have a family members that are heavy drinkers and used to be stupid enough to drive. Getting caught was the best thing that ever happened to them, and luckily, they didn’t hurt anyone other than themselves. Both smartened up after jail, fines, losing their license, smashing cars, etc.
This might sound harsh, but next time he comes over in a questionable state of mind, I would confront him about drinking and driving, and I would not let him proceed to drive himself home. And if he tried (and this is just me/my personality) I would call the cops and let them know there is a drunk driver out there. Better he be the one in trouble and hurting financially than having him hurt or kill someone completely innocent.
Post # 8
I completely agree with you girls.
Their parents know that he drinks but I don’t think they know anything about the driving. I wonder if we should start there. Maybe a good dose of their hardass stepd-ad will make him stop.
Post # 9
Honestly? I have ZERO tolerance for drunk driving (I have a hard time holding my tongue when Bees post about driving drunk from their receptions to the hotel/airport), so if I got wind that he was driving drunk, I would report his ass. You can do it anonymously — just phone 911 or the direct line for your police switchboard.
He NEEDS to be caught before he’ll stop — that much is obviously true in his case. And in the meantime, if you DON’T report him, he could kill/injure someone.
Post # 10
@Regularinhiding: If you do decide to start with the parents, let them know NOW – don’t wait for another incident to occur. Otherwise, I agree with other posters…if he is at your house after “a few”, don’t let him drive home; if he does, anonymously report him.
Post # 11
Thanks for all the advice ladies. I’m going to take the OP down now so I don’t forget to before the hours out. Feel free to keep commenting since I’m sure you can get the jist from the PP’s.
Post # 12
@JeniRae: I’d report him, too.
I know you want to protect family… but think what he could do to someone else’s. I heard once of a drunk driver who drove into a house and killed a sleeping infant. If you prevented something like this, it’d be worth feeling like you may have betrayed your family..
Post # 13
@Regularinhiding I know that it’s really hard but I would call the police if he ever left your presence or house after drinking again.
I let my sister leave my house drunk once without really thinking too much about it.. I was still pretty young, and well they got clocked going 100+ mph down the road. From then on I just knew that it was more worth her getting in trouble than getting dead.
You can get past the jail time, attorney fees, court dates, and required classes…. but it’s just not the simple to get over killing or hurting somebody else or yourself.
Post # 14
I second calling the cops. A few months ago a girl I used to work with was killed by a drunk driver- it’s totally changed my perspective.
Post # 15
i would visit my local police station and ask them if something could be done – ive seen on one of the local cop tv show the police were waiting outside a pub for a guy whose family reported him and yes, he was drunk driving.
your FBIL has no right to put others lives at risk, does he have to kill someone to learn that what he is doing is wrong? goodluck, i applaude you wanting to make a difference
Post # 16
Can you just tell him that you will call the cops if you see him do it? Do you think he would be violent towards you? Even if you don’t “warn” him, he might figure out it is you, anyway.