(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner & Out of Town Guests

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

We are inviting OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner. The majority of them are family. We are making it more of a welcome dinner. I believe our most recent estimate was 90 ppl. Who knows what it will actually turn out to be.

Post # 4
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I can totally understand this!  We are having a very large wedding and had we invited all of our out of town guest we would of had over 90 people at our rehearsal dinner.  My FFIL didn’t have a problem with this but I kind of did.  We just invited our bridal party, parents, grandparents as well as people involved in the wedding day. 

For our out of town guest we have a hospitality room set up with food and pizza being delivers and my FI and I will stop by to say hi after our dinner is over.  I have to say I have never been an out of town guest and been insulted over not being invited to a rehearsal dinner.

Good Luck! 

Post # 5
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We are only inviting my aunt, uncle & cousin to the RD, because they’re coming to our wedding (in Maryland) from Utah. Everyone else is a reasonable drive away, and will be coming in after the RD has ended or early the morning of our wedding. My FILs are paying, so I didn’t want to have too much of a burden on them.

Post # 6
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I totally have been fretting about this as well.  While we’d love to invite our out of town guests, there are just going to be too many.  I was thinking of arranging something else for them to do on Friday night while we are rehearsing and having the rehearsal dinner.  Has anyone else done this?  Suggestions?

Post # 7
Member
2682 posts
Sugar bee

We invited OOT guests but they were almost all family – aunts, uncles, cousins etc. We still had about 70 people but MIL/FIL paid for it. You don’t have to invite OOT guests but it’s a nice gesture if you are able to

Post # 8
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We are not inviting out of town guests.  We’re only inviting those who are participating in the wedding itself.

Post # 9
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We went for the less fancy, more people route (to include out of town guests) for the rehearsal dinner, people seemed happy with it. 

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have been stressing over this! It’s not up to me, b/c FIL’s are paying for the RD, but we did the numbers and we either have to invite 40 (wedding party/participants only) or 80! Huge difference! And most venues only have room for 45-50 for a seated dinner, otherwise you have to get another wedding reception type room. I kind of want to keep it small, but we started to think about the individuals who are traveling and realized it wouldn’t be cool to leave them out.. I’m thinking we might end up with the 40 plus a few select VIP others making it like 50-55 just to avoid having 2 weddings.

Post # 11
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ugh, we’re going through this, too.  Our RD is on a Thursday – most of his family is coming in Thursday and only about 5 are involved in the wedding.  So instead of leaving out the other 12, we’re inviting all adults (leaving out his 15 year old and younger cousins) and our WP.  Unfortunately, that means our WP cannot bring guests b/c the room only holds 40 people.  I’m hoping most of their dates will just come on Saturday instead of having to take off 2 days of work.  Luckily, only a few are bringing dates anyway so I think most people won’t have hurt feelings.

I do think it is a nice gesture to invite the OOT people to the RD if it is the night before, but I bet they are also not expecting to be invited and may already have their own plans.  If I were going to an OOT wedding and got in on a Friday, I wouldn’t be expected to be invited to the RD, especially if I wasn’t family or in the wedding.  I have been invited to 2 family RDs that were about 600 miles away that were a lot of fun – a BBQ and a pig roast.  Both were in backyards and just a blast – I bet this option would be cheaper if you do go the route of inviting OOT guests.

Post # 12
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I have to admit I am a bit shocked at the number of people being invited to a rehearsal dinner in these posts.  The rehearsal dinner should be for the wedding party and maybe close immeadiate family only.  I’m not sure where the notion of turning the rehearsal dinner into a “second wedding” came from…. I am inviting 20 people, which includes the wedding party and parents only, we want it to be an intimate party which is specifically for the people who are in the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You are very lucky, Miss Molly.  I totally agree that it is supposed to be intimate, but instead of start drama, I just bit the bullet and invited the out of town guests. 

Post # 14
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Since we are having a somewhat destination wedding and everyone has to travel, we could not invite all OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner. We are, however, hosting an open house after the dinner where we’ll offer sangria, beer, cheese/crackers, and dessert.

Post # 15
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I like the idea of hosting an open house with light snacks only like FutureMrsBLT mentioned if you want to include your OOT guests. I can really understand wanting to make your wedding as much of an event as possible so people who are coming from out of town get to see you and your family, but there’s no reason you should have to double the size of your rehearsal dinner.

Post # 16
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

An open house is a really cool idea.  Are you doing it at a relative’s house or at a local bar/restaurant?  We are the only ones who live in the area (besides bridal party and other close friends), so having an open house at a family member’s place isn’t really feasible for us.  Such a great idea, though–definitely something I will have to consider! 

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