Post # 1
rehearsal dinner– is it obligatory? My fiance’s family is British so they do not recognize the rehearsal dinner or that the fiance’s father should pay for it. Is it okay to have dinner and invite out of towners and cousins and say it’s non-hosted meaning, pay for your own?? I can no longer afford to pay for the rehearsal dinner, I’m already paying for the wedding, my dad isn’t wealthy luckily I make a decent living, my fiance is already taking care of housing all his immediate family himself and paying for the rings; he and his dad will be paying for the ceremony in England too.
so because of all my burden is it okay to invite people to dinner but they have to pay for their own? how do I word this?
Post # 3
hmmm…thats a rough one…can you skip the rehearsal dinner? can you make it a rehearsal lunch? or can you have a pub crawl after the rehearsal instead of dinner? people would expect to pay for their own drinks at a pub crawl. can your mom or dad put together an informal BBQ for just the wedding party?
Im sure your friends and family will understand and be willing to pay for their own meals, but i dont think its the best idea…youd be inviting people out to dinner and then asking them to cover their own meals, especially if they are traveling all the way from england…
we’re inviting only the people actually in the wedding to the rehearsal dinner and afterwards are going to a nightclub/bar and have invited all of the OOT guests. that cut the cost down considerably.
Post # 4
I agree with FutureMrsMorgan. That is a tough one. I would also vote to try to have something that was really casual that was at least paid for… Could you make some food ahead of time? Freeze some appetizers? BBQ as suggested, also good.
Post # 5
We’re kind of going the same route as FutureMrsMorgan — our rehearsal dinner is family and wedding party only. (We’re paying ourselves.) We are inviting OOT guests to join us afterwards at the bar in the restaurant where we’re holding the rehearsal dinner. (The rehearsal dinner itself will be buffet style with everyone paying for their own drinks.) We probably could’ve cut costs further by making the rehearsal dinner only wedding party, our parents and siblings but my mom would not have been happy about that if the other relatives had come in town but weren’t invited.
If you have access to someone’s house or another "free" space, you could do something ultra-casual — heavy h’ors doeuvres or deli platters from the grocery store. (I’m not sure you’d want to host something like that in your own home the day before the wedding, though — the set up and clean up might be a lot on top of the wedding itself.) Pasta can also be a good large-quantity, low-cost meal — make the sauce a week ahead of time and freeze it, then boil the pasta on the day of. Add salads and garlic bread and you’re done!
Post # 6
If money is an issue, I think you have lots of options. I don’t think making your wedding party/guests/etc pay their own way is really the way to go though, despite all the money that you and your FI are already ponying up for the wedding. You could ask your parents to bring a salad or something of that nature, and like TheEditrix said, offer deli sandwiches and the like. CHicken salad is easy to make early and if you serve it on croissants, is still lovely. Go casual or just offer cocktails or something. Even a meet up in a park and have a buddy bbq or something is better than asking everyone to pay their own way for dinner. Backyard sangria and tacos, etc….your options are limitless. It might even be fun to theme it and have a non-english style rehearsal dinner. Italian food is super easy (helloooooo bakeable lasagna).
Honestly, I had an engagement party at my own house and it was super easy. We did burgers, beer, and sangria. People brought cakes and snacks, etc. Cleanup was a cinch b/c we did disposables and a couple of trash cans were right there. Everyone had a nice time chatting. I could easily have imagined us doing our thank you’s and giving gifts to our BMs during this, if it were our rehearsal dinner
Post # 7
I’m not sure if my fiance’s parents know about the tradition of hosting/paying for the rehearsal dinner. My fiance and I decided to pay for it ourselves (as well as everything else wedding-related). We hate to ask anyone to have to do anything for us. We are doing a rehearsal lunch because we don’t want to have to invite out-of-towners who are not directly included in the wedding party, so we’re trying to limit the head count as much as possible. We’re having the lunch at a restaurant and then have the rehearsal at 5:00p.m. The advantage to a rehearsal lunch is that guests will more than likely not expect to drink, especially since they have to go to a church afterwards, and we can be sure that most, if not all, will make it to the rehearsal on time.
Post # 8
Lots of good suggestions here so I won’t repeat. I just wanted to point you tot his thread which might have some more ideas for a low cost RD:
Rehearsal dinner questions
Post # 9
thanks, I would love to host a party, problem is I have a tiny apartment, and there aren’t many places to rent space, it’s usually restaurants where I hang out with friends because of this, everyone has cramped apartments here, has to be evening because during the daytime my future in-laws are going around NYC and sightsee so the park is out of the question; they’re only here for 4 days.
Post # 10
Since the wedding sounds as if it’s going to be here in the USA, how about giving your groom an AMERICAN wedding planning book and at Barnes and Noble booksellers, they even have (saw it last week) a book about advice for the groom. This might HELP his family figure out…after all, when in Rome, do as the Romans right?
Post # 11
ok, I decided to scrap the rehearsal dinner, I’m Asian and he’s British it’s not our cusotm, okay, more money for a down payment, problem solved, we’ll go to a nearby restaurant after rehearsal