- 10 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
My fiance’s Italian and I’m from Arizona. We currently live in Italy. We’re both very family oriented and knew from the get-go that we’d want to share our wedding with as many of our (huge) family members and friends as possible. However we felt it would be asking far too much of our family/friends to travel 7000 miles one way or the other to attend our wedding, especially with the state of the economy. Additionally many of the relatives we’d really want to attend are elderly and a trip of that magnitude would make it next to impossible for them to come.
So here’s what we’ve settled on, and what we’re happy with. We’re getting married in Arizona. Invites are going to American relatives and friends as well as his closest friends and family. My parents are paying for the wedding. A few weeks/month later we are having the marriage affirmed in his church in Itlay during a Sunday mass. After the mass his family is hosting a lunch reception. Invites for this will be "opposite" of the Arizona wedding, going to Italian relatives and friends, and only my closest friends and family. As we figure it right now, the invitees to both events will be roughly the same (around 125).
In addition to the lunch, his parents are also paying for flowers for the church, music for the lunch, and a photographer for the mass. And with the cost per head for a (massive 6 or 7 course) traditional wedding lunch in Italy around $130 USD/head, they’re pretty much paying equivalent of a wedding.
That’s a lot of backstory, but here’s where I’m stuck- what to do about the Rehersal Dinner? It’s an American tradition, so it’s not something that my parents will be expected to do in Italy. Do our parents split the cost? Do we pay for it? Do we forego it?
My mom is ultra-traditional, and has her heart set on "doing it the right way". We’ve got a lot of family coming in from accross the US and she wants to include them in the rehearsal dinner. I’d love it too, but I just don’t see how we can ask FI’s parents to buck up more cash.
I’ve tried explaining how I feel to her, but her latest response was "well I’m paying for dinner for ___ people the next day", seeming to forget entierly what they’re doing for us on this end. I really wish we could pay for it, but at this point, I’m waiting for my Italian work authorzation to come through (which could be tomorrow, could be a year), and we’re already very stretched on FI’s salary. If I get working soon, we might be able to swing it, but that’s a big ‘if’ and a big ‘might’ based on variables I have no control over.
What are our alternatives? I was thinking of having a cocktail party a couple nights before with all the out-of-towners invited. Then we could do a really casual rehearsal the night before with just family and wedding party. I like this because if I’m working soon there’s a chance we can pay for a casual dinner, and if I’m not the cost wouldn’t be so insane that either parent would mind (a lot) picking up the tab.
Mom’s still balking that this isn’t traditional enough… anyone in a similar situation? Ideas anyone?!