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Personally I think $1000 is pretty doable for 30 people. That's about $33 for everybody's dinner. If you want to do something nicer you might consider paying the extra out of your pocket.
its not doable in the town we are getting married in (its some what of a resort town) - most places run about $50 per person. and thats not including alcohol (which all of these folks are drinkers). the cheapest place i have found so far (ive looked at over 15 places) is $1300 without alcohol and the average is about $2500. the only things i have found even close to $1000 would be like a chain restaurant that isnt a private room (read ruby tuesdays, applebees, etc) and thats also without alcohol.
i think my gripe is that i would much rather not plan the rehearsal dinner at all since its the job of the FIL not the bride, and its doubly annoying that i have to do all this math to stay within the small budget.
Well, to be honest, I don't necessarily think it's the job of the FIL to plan the rehearsal dinner. I think that today with wedding planning, there are no hard and fast rules about who is "supposed" to do what. Did your FILs say that they were going to be planning the rehearsal dinner? FI and I will probably be planning ours, even though his parents are paying for it.
I would sit down with them (and your FI) and ask what they were envisioning. If they say they want to have it at a nice restaurant with alcohol for everyone, gently explain that will cost much more than the $1,000 they have given you. If they have no vision for it (or are envisioning Golden Corral or something you completely don't want to do) then you can either just deal with what you've been given and have it at a not so nice restaurant and not provide alcohol, OR if it's vital to you to have it at a nice place with alcohol for everyone, then you and your FI should come up with the money to make up the difference. Your FILs don't have to provide money for the rehearsal dinner - it's something they're being generous about. So, if you want more than what they've provided, my advice is to try to come up with it yourself.
DO you have a local gourmet pizza restaurant in your town? We were able to book a wood fired pizza place. We had 30 people as well and with beer, wine, pizza, salad and desert it came to $600 and that was with a 20% tip. It was fairly inexpensive because we just ordered 15 pizzas, 12 salads and 12 deserts and had it served family style. There was plenty left over and everyone was SO full and happy. Because it wasn't a chain it was fancy enough to be impressive and we even got our own little room. Just a thought..
Oh man, I feel you on this one. I actually had a discussion with FMIL tonight and she was talking about how she wasn't romantic and didn't understand spending all this money on just one day... ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? She clearly has NO idea what my parents (and I, to an extent) are planning because it's totally above and beyond a potluck. I'm really afraid she's going to hate everything we do because it's too "extravagant"
I think its awfully nice of them to offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner. My FIL's also offered for ours, I'm going to have to plan because they live OOT and it would be unreasonable to have them do it. You might let your FI know this issue so that he can tell them what you guys are looking at with the budget they gave you. Have you considered the hotel where you're doing your DW they might give you a deal if you're doing your wedding there.
@amanda.lynn - we are all traditional - the bride's family is paying for everything but the RD. the Groom's family takes care of that. Thats how its done for us.
@MyraG - yeah i sent off information to check with the hotel everyone is staying at
@YSAP2M - great ideal with the pizzeria - i will see if theres one! that would be great actually.
im not local right now to the place where the wedding is either - its not like i can just drive down there and survey vendors any easier than they can (they are both retired and i work 5am to 7pm every day) the research and things i am doing to find a RD location is the same thing they would be doing - internet searching, emails and phone calls.
im stressing out because theres so much left to do and this is just one more thing that i dont have the time or energy to do. *sigh*
@KMSull - that sounds familiar - my parents have already spent almost 10K and thats just the reception venue.
I agree with the other posters that your FILs offer to host the rehearsal dinner is kind. If it's literally impossible to pull off a dinner for 30 with the budget they've given you, explain to them what the actual costs will be (they probably have no idea how much a sit down dinner with alcohol runs, and maybe they can contribute more if you bring them up to speed), or make your peace with covering the surplus yourself.
I know that you're stressed about organizing the rehearsal dinner on top of wedding planning, but I actually think it's refreshing that they're leaving it up to you to do what you want. A lot of other Bees have the opposite complaint -- their parents are dictating far too much. If, as you say, your FILs haven't been to a wedding since the 70's, do you really want them to be in charge of planning this dinner? Why not ask your FI or your BMs to help with this, so that you can be assured it will be done in a way and at a restaurant that's pleasing to you?
Try to let the irritation go, be happy that they're helping out financially, and try to get some help from your wedding party. I'm sure they're happy to help.
Do your FILs live in or very nearby to the city you're getting married in? We're doing our rehersal dinner as a backyard BBQ with a desserts table and a bonfire, as well as yard games and possibly dancing on the deck (we still have 8.5 months to plan it all out better). What about having it catered to their house (same idea, but you don't have to cook the food!) or maybe rent a park pavilion or something? I know Qdoba and Noodles (both good and tasty resturants, although not fancy) could cater for 30 people SUPER cheap! more then enough left over for decorations and drinks!
@rabbit - no theres no one that lives near the site since its a semi destination wedding for everyone.
i guess i just have to suck it up and deal with it. one more thing to pile on top! at least i have a say in it i guess.
I think your last post says it all, just be happy that you're going to have a say in the rehearsal dinner and you won't need to make any posts about how you're upset with what your FIL's are planning!! :) Good luck finding a venue, I don't know anything about that area so I can't be much help there.
I agree with others that it is very nice for them to offer to pay for the RD. However, I do not think that tradition states that they also have to PLAN the RD. Maybe they are saying this because they think it would be easier for you and you can get exactly what you want. I understand you are stressed that it is 1 more thing on an already really long to do list (I am planning our RD as well) but I think you may be overreacting being upset that they do not want to plan it.
If your parents are paying for the wedding, would you expect them to plan it all? No of course not.
I think if you maybe look at some restaurants maybe you can work to find something to work for you. Go with a theme like Pizza, or Italian, or BBQ and find a restaurant that can serve you guys.
Perhaps you can do a cookout at someone's house or do something a little more low key and themed (i.e. a "build your own burger bar"). Personally I think more informal rehearsal dinners are way more fun since the wedding day has so many formalities. Everyone should be relaxing anyway! I bet if you look around you can find something fun to do for $1000 or under, or if you really want it to be nicer, you should just chip in yourself.
We are a destination wedding and the in-laws have offered to pay for the RD. My FI and I did the research on places. We looked at places that were cheap, mid-price and then expensive. We printed off the prices or had the place email a menu to us. We sat down with his parents and talked through each one. They narrowed it down to 3 places. We all took a trip out to the town and went to all the places we narrowed it down to. They ultimately choose the more expensive option because it was the only place with a private room.
You might consider at least sitting down with them and talking through each option. This will let them know how much it will cost and what they are willing to contribute.
Don't stress too much about planning the RD as well as the wedding. My FI are in the same boat and it's been really easy.
thanks again girls :)
and @ottawa - OOOH i have never heard of that place! :) thanks!!!!!
I think $1000.00 for 30 people is very doable. We would have loved for the parents on either or both sides to pay for anything but they are not in a position to contribute. It was our decision to have the wedding of our dreams and unfortunately have to pay for it. The parents are hosting a very relaxed barbeque for wedding party and their guests only that we are paying for.
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This is mostly a vent, but here goes:
My FIL have no clue when it comes to weddings. I think the last wedding they attended was their own back in the 70's. They of course have agreed to host the rehearsal dinner. Which is great. But want me to do all the planning for it. Which whatever i can do as well even though i have 9238472396 on my plate as well, but when i asked what the budget was for it for 30 people.... my FFIL responded "$1000 is more than enough right?" ummm no. not even close. well unless you want a dinner at golden corral or something.
I think i am just exasperated in having to "teach" them everything about weddings and how much they cost etc. seriously how hard is it to browse the net, or pick up a book or magazine. i have enough to stress about than having to deal with trying not to hurt anyone's feelings because their thoughts are completely unrealistic.
how am i supposed to find a place for that little of money? (and that probably includes alcohol as well - and no it cant be at someone's house since its a semi destination wedding for everyone so no one lives nearby...)