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Rehearsal Dinner.. do I really have to invite all the out of town guests.

posted 3 months ago in Family
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    arrein    November 10, 2012   Seoul, Korea

    I am having a wedding, and I would say about 75% of the wedding guests are from out of town. My mom thinks I need to invite all the out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, but I feel like if I invite all of them it's going to turn into a "mini wedding" on Friday night, not to mention cost a fortune for my in laws. I already have about 35-40 people just with parents, attendants, and their significant others. I think it should be okay, if I just keep it small, but my mom thinks I am being rude.

     
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    Ashley_B    September 22, 2012  

    Your not. The rehersal dinner is just for the people in the wedding party and you and your FI's immediate family. Thats it!

     
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    msfahrenheit    August 28, 2011   Blacksburg VA

    Only people at the rehearsal and their SOs really need to be invited to the dinner.

     
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    AmeliaBedelia    March 3, 2012   Georgia

    I don't think it's necessary to invite OOT guests. It's nice, sure, but not necessary.

     
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    julies1949      

    You absolutely do not have to invite all the OOT's. They are coming to town for your wedding, not your rehearsal dinner. They are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves for one meal. Many of them might prefer smaller get togethers anyhow.

    The rehearsal dinner traditionally was held to thank the attendants for their time and support and for the two families to meeet, if they hadn't done so already.

     

     
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    honeymead    April 2012   Santa Barbara CA

    I'm in a similar situation: so we're inviting the folks who came in from out of state, which are significantly fewer in number than the rest of the lot.

     
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    theredhead    January 4, 2014   Orlando, Florida

    I do not think it's necessary. We are going to have quite a few OOT guests also but I already discussed this with FI and we both agree that only the wedding party and people that are needed at the rehersal will be invited to the rehersal dinner. As an OOT guest I would not be expecting to be invited to the rehersal dinner! 

     
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    mwitter80    December 11, 2010   Connecticut

    Nope. Not at all.

     
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    KristenGotMarried    May 19, 2012   The Cbus

    No way, just the people at your rehearsal and their dates.  That's the rehearsal dinner.  :)

     
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    lmoss78    April 28, 2012   New York, NY (Wedding in Finger Lakes)

    Definitely not - about 95% of our guests are from out of town.   We have no wedding party, so we're not having a rehersal dinner really - but we are sponsoring a 2 hour 'Welcome Cocktails' on Friday night for everyone to hang out ahead of time.  While it does certainly cost money to do this, it shouldn't be too crazy.  I'm looking forward to hanging out with friends and family in a more relaxed atmosphere - before the craziness of the Wedding day begins.

     
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    DeathByDesign    February 18, 2012   Lives in Ontario, married in Quebec

    About 80% of our guests are coming from out of town and there is just no way we could have afforded to invite them all to the rehearsal dinner. That would almost basically be having 2 wedding receptions lol.

    I'm just inviting those in the wedding party and close family.

     
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    hecallsmelove    June 15, 2012  

    Thank you for posting this. I was thinking we needed to invite all the OOT guests too. Looks like the answer is no... WOOHOO! Money saved.

     
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    KatNYC2011    September 24, 2011   London, UK (american expat)

    Our wedding required travel for all attending except for MIL. 

    We decided to make a "wedding weekend" out of it since people were traveling from so far away (10+ hour flights). So we had a casual rehearsal dinner for everyone so they could "drop by when they got into town". We also had a day after brunch for everyone to get some food and see us again before heading home.

    Not everyone came to the dinner and brunch but our guests really enjoyed the option of having things to do both on Friday night and Sunday and I loved having more time with the guests, especially those from far away who we didn't get to see often.

    You definitely do not have to do it, but I was really happy that we did it (and I think our guests were too).

     
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    AshleyR83      

    @arrein:  You absolutely do not need to invite out of town guests to the RD!  I would say just the wedding party and their guests, and your grandparents and parents and your FH's grandparents and parents. :)

     
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    UnionFlare      

    My boyfriend's mom - MOG for her other son decided to say upfront she would pay for the rehersal dinner.  All the OOT guests were invited.  It was a rehersal dinner that cost her about 11K and had about 110 people in attendance.  Open bar to boot.  It was a mini wedding.

     

    Not a good idea - do not invite OOT or the in laws will resent the hell out of you. 

     
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    yellowshoe    December 2011   Laguna Beach, CA

    Absolutely NOT!! Our sitaution was similar, if we invited all of the out of town guest we were inviting 70% of the wedding guest. HECK NO!

    My parents and ILs did not understand this. My dad and I had a fight over it, but my dad eventually conceded and said he understood, it would have resulted in inviting everyone in the family (60 people)

    My ILs on the other hand threatened to boycott the RD. My DH had to beg his parents to allow his only grandmother to attend, not for him, but to pay respects to MY grandmother who had flown half way around the world to attend. In the end my ILs brought my DH's grandmother to the dinner, my FIL skipped out after the appetizers and my MIL stayed behind with her mother. It's still really sad to see our RD photos for my DH because it brings back bad memories.

     
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    Crindy    October 2012   Pittsburgh, PA

    I'd suggest at least having a welcome gathering at a designated time/place--say, at one of your favorite bars. Let people know they're responsible for their own food/drinks, and they're welcome to come any time and stay as long as they want. More of an open house than a hosted party.

     
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    brenda.m.fields    March 3, 2012   Fort Lauderdale (wedding) & Gainesville (home)

    No. This is up to you and the hosts. We wanted only wedding party (and their SOs) and immediate family, but FMIL wanted to invite all out-of-town guests. Since it's her party, that's what we're doing, but FI and I wanted something more intimate. We don't want to see almost everyone who will be at the wedding the day before... takes some of the fun out of it! 

    For your out-of-town guests, if you decide not to invite them to the rehearsal dinner, provide information on good local restaurants and things to do so they aren't on their own in a new place with no idea what to do the day before.

     

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