Post # 1
Hey all! I’m having some issues with planning my rehearsal dinner. My FFIL graciously offered to host the dinner for us, and we finally decided on a really awesome location. Since everyone except for the groom, a few groomsmen, and myself are from OOT and coming in for the wedding, it would be impossible for us to invite everyone. We’re hosting a brunch on Sunday for the OOT guests instead. So who do we invite to the rehearsal dinner? I know our bridal party and their SOs, parents, but beyond that?
Also, my FFIL are having trouble agreeing on some things like menu. Who should make the decision? Should I defer to him since he is paying if we can’t find a compromise?
Finally, my FI’s parents are divorced and have SOs that will be coming to the wedding. For the dinner, I know we should gift our hosts, but how do we do that without insulting my FMIL and her husband? Thanks all!
Post # 3
Generally, if you are not inviting all OOT guests, you should invite anyone who will be at the rehearsal itself – bridesmaids, groomsmen, your officiant, readers, etc. Most people also invite immediate family – siblings, grandparents, etc. but not aunts, uncles, cousins.
Post # 4
I’ve always thought that the rehearsal dinner was just for people who were involved in the rehearsal (and those immediately connected to them) 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2018 - Still Looking!
The Washington Post recently had a chat session with Anna Post regarding wedding etiquette. Someone asked a similar question on rehearsal dinners, and her answer was that the "must invites" are:
– Anyone involved in the rehearsal, such as the officiant, bridal party (including ringbearer/flower girl and parents), and readers
– Close family, such as parents, siblings, grandparents, couple’s own children, and any "step" parents or siblings; with others such as aunts/uncles, godparents, and cousins optional
– The spouse/fiance(e)/serious romantic partner of anyone listed above
Post # 6
The Sunday brunch is really nice for OOT guests. SO if you feel like there are so many that having them at the RD would basically be another wedding reception, you do have the brunch going for them. I would just keep it to those involved in the wedding itself, and any other immediate family member of yours or your FI’s who isn’t otherwise involved in the rehearsal.
Maybe you could casually invite the OOT guests to get together at a restaurant in the area, if they want something to do the night of the RD. But say it in a way that they understand you and the BP will be elsewhere, at the RD. And that you’re not paying for it.
Post # 7
Everybody has covered the guest list issue, so I’ll go with the gift question…
I would use that time to give out your parent gifts, that way nobody is slighted and it won’t be awkward for one person to receive a gift. If you aren’t giving parent gifts, I would wait until another time when you’re along with your FFIL and give him a thank you gift for hosting.
Post # 8
We are doing everyone that will be involved in the actual ceremony rehearsal! It would be kind insulting to not invite everyone that is involved with the ceremony rehearsal! We have a large bridal party also so our Reheasal dinner is around 60-70 people. So we aren’t inviting any OOT guests.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone so much! I completely forgot that we should *of course* invite our officiant and his wife, and our two readers and their SOs – *head bonk!* We talked and decided we would do the bridal party, their SOs, officiant and wife, readers and SOs, then parents and grandparents. It’s quite a party but hey, that’s the point, right?
We are gifting the three sets of parents with photo albums we’ve been putting together of us as families and are leaving spaces for new photos for the wedding and our new combined families. We had wanted to do something a little extra for my FI’s dad for hosting the dinner and my parents for hosting the wedding, and after talking it over more decided that we should do the same for my FI mom and step-dad – who would have contributed if they could have, but can’t because of severe financial constraints (we made it very clear to them that their presence – a rarity due to circumstances – is gift enough for us). So that eliminates any sort of awkward gift giving – they can all open them at the same time. We also thought we could take some time during the weekend and sit and personally thank each set of parents for everything.
Thanks for the advice 🙂
Post # 10
LaurENors! I Hope It’s a huge success! you’ll have to let us know how it goes!!