Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

elw728

happy new years!!

umm thats a lot of people. its suppose to be the bridal party (they can bring someone) and family memebers. and for me the priest too. cuz he had to be at rehersal too!! lol. its suppose to be everyone who is at your rehersal. you dont want to end up having a pre wedding. it is traditionally put on by your inlaws though.

Post # 5
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@elw728:  You do not need to invite everyone, only those who will be at the actual rehersal and their SOs.

Of course, some now do have a welcome party the night before a destination wedding.  It’s optional but I think a full dinner would be a lot to take on (unless your mom wants to pay for it – then party on!).  A compromise you could consider is meeting up with your out of town guests at the hotel bar or something like that.  People are looking more for time together than for a million hosted events.

Post # 6
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@elw728:  My opinion on this – if your mother wants to pay to have everyone at the rehearsal then so be it.  BUT what’s the point – then you’re pretty much having 2 weddings.

It has become more common for people to invite all the out of town guests to the rehearsal but in your case (and mine) it doesn’t make much sense.

We’ll be inviting the family and bridal party (the extent of the family is still up in the air depending on when/where we have it – I’m thinking no aunts and uncles, grandparents, parents and siblings and their respective SO’s).

 

Post # 7
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

elw728

if it helps my wedding was similar to yours where it was destination but not to far away. im glad we didnt invite everyone and their moms 😉 there was so much going on and so much to do. so many last min things. it was the day before the wedding and actually not everyone had made it in to town yet.  i wouldnt want to have to entertain everyone who was going to be at my wedding the night before. (when there was so much to do) plus then everyone is not hungover the day before. you dont want people who are not as close to you, to celebrate again and agian  and again. like you said overkill. they might get overwhelmed but i guess it also depends when you are going to do it. that seems like a hell of a lot of people to host again and.. again.

Post # 8
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@elw728:  No, you do not need to invte everyone. This trend of inviting OOT’s likely started with someone with a huge, or no, budget. For a destination wedding, this would almost mean hosting two receptions.

It is also much easier to stick to the primary purpose of a RD- thanking the wedding party for their time and support, and ensurring that the two families have met before the wedding- if you stick to the wedding party and SO’s and close family on both sides.

If you have money to burn, you could always invite the OOT’s to join you for dessert, coffee or a drink after the RD finishes.

Post # 9
Member
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@elw728:  That does sound like a lot! For our rehearsal dinner it was mostly immediate family and bridal party with their spouse/partner. There were a few that came in from out of town and wanted more time to visit with my husband’s family, so they joined us as well. I suppose if they want to pay for everyone to come then I would invite everyone but it’s unlikely everyone will come.:-/

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@elw728:  We had the same situation with travel (everyone had to), so we invited everyone to the rehearsal dinner! That being said, it was ULTRA casual (BBQ in a park) and we only had 40 people. So it was do-able! I think 175-200 people is a TOTALLY different story! We couldn’t have afforded that!

Post # 11
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@elw728:  I’m in almost the same boat. over half of my guest list is from out of state that includes over half of the bridal party. What we decided is because our wedding is on a Saturday night we are having the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on Thursday that way if family and stuff are in from out of town on Friday and want to go to dinner or out to celebrate we aren’t obligated to pay for it. Lord knows we cant afford to pay for 80+ people for a rehearsal dinner. We thought about doing the rehearsal and a rehearsal lunch on friday too.  Maybe it’s wrong etiquette wise but its the best way for us to do it. I hope this helps

Post # 12
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t personally have the entire wedding invited. We chose to invite our family + any out of state guests and that still was about 35 people. In your situation, you could ony invite those who are going to be in town during that day but if that is going to be like, everyone, then I would invite only family and bridal party.

Post # 13
Hostess
22135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

You don’t have to invite everyone. I’d stick with your plan for bridal party, anyone involved in the ceremony, family, etc.

I’ve been an OOT guest at several weddings, and never once have I been invited nor would I ever expect to be invited to the rehearsal dinner unless I was part of the wedding party. So I definitely would not be offended to not be invited!

Post # 14
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Our guest list is about 50% OOT, so no way are we inviting all of them! We’re inviting our parents (obviously), siblings + date, bridal party + dates, anyone involved in the ceremony (reader, officiant (who is a friend), ushers) and a date, our grandparents (we have a total of two living), FI’s uncle and date (who is his grandmas caretaker), one of my aunts and her husband (who is my grandmas caretaker), and my moms two brothers and their wives who are traveling a great distance and we see very infrequently. All said it’s around 30 people (compared to our guest list of 180 and OOT guests of 80ish)

Post # 15
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

When a guest list has many OOT guests, I dont think anyone EXPECTS the RD to host them all.

Post # 16
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@elw728:  omg no. You invite everyone INVOLVED in the wedding… BP and their dates, parents, anyone doing a reading or whatever…… thats all you need to. Typically you invite OOT people when for example: your getting married in your hometown and you have some people flying in from out of state (I had like 6-8 people attend ours because they flew in but thats it)….when the entire wedding including yourself is going destination you just cut it off at the bare min…

You need to tell your mom thats way out of bounds (especially if your FMIL is the one paying…..she makes the list). My friend had a 100% destination wedding for everyone and I was a bridesmaid…she only had the people involved attend, and everyone else did their own thing exploring the area, parting/whatever….

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