Rehearsal Dinner- Etiquette Says to Invite…??

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, I do think it is rude. They are a social unit and should be invited to social gatherings as a social unit.

Can you pay for the difference? I would find it very rude if I was not invited to a rehearsal dinner but DH was.

Post # 4
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yes it would be rude to not invite the SOs. Is there a reason you and your FI can’t pay for them? And obviously the space that holds 20 people just isn’t going to work. And your FI’s parents not paying for it doesn’t have anything to do with it.

Post # 5
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yeah the SOs should be invited. You could offer to pay the difference and find a new place to accomodate all of them. Have you talked to FI’s parents about it, typically it’s their responsibility. 

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would pay for the SOs to go!

Post # 8
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

No it shouldn’t be their responsibility, or your parent’s. Neither should the wedding. It’s great that they are doing that for you guys but it’s your wedding, your rehearsal, if you want something you should be willing to pay for it. And they’re right, you don’t have to have one (a rehearsal or the dinner at all, if you make your WP come to a rehearsal you do have to feed them, but it doesn’t have to be anything fancy).

Post # 9
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsBeck:  This.

I can understand wanting to keep costs down, but I would be pretty upset if my DH was in a wedding and I was not invited to the RD with him.

Post # 11
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@EmilyJoy:  I think it’s kind of uncool to invite the bridal party and not their SO.  I’m firmly in the “don’t split up social units” camp.  My suggestions to mitigate this situation are:

1) Offer to pay for the SO’s yourself.  I agree that your parents shouldn’t have to pay – they’ve done so much! – so why not chip in the remainder yourself.

2) Find a venue that is the appropriate size for all those invited.  I personallly don’t think that choosing a venue that’s too small for your guests is a valid excuse for not inviting people.  You control the venue after all.

Also, the dates do not need to come to the actual rehersal (you are correct that they would just be standing around) just to the dinner afterwards.  Of course if they do come becuase they drove with their SO it should be no biggie to have an extra person or two hanging around.

Post # 12
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If I were in this situation, I (and FI) would say thanks mom & dad but we’ll pick up the tab on this one. You’ve done enough.  Then pay for the RP yourselves and invite who you want. 

I also agree with Magicmoments.  RP doesn’t have to be fancy.  It can be held at a home if that works. 

Post # 13
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@EmilyJoy:  “I gave him the option of offering to pay the difference but he is more stuck on the fact that my parents should be paying for them.”

Dang…your FI needs to give his head a shake.  That’s an extermely entitled attitude for an adult to have.  Your parent’s don’t have to pay for anyone at all.

Post # 16
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@EmilyJoy:  If it were me, I’d just say this, “Honey, I agree with you that we should invite our bridal party’s signifigant others.  My parents have been super generous with help for both the wedding and the majority of the cost of the rehersal dinner and I’ve spent a lot on the wedding as well.  Do you think you could pick up the cost of the SO’s for the RH?”

I can’t see how it could be more complicated than that?  If he has such a problem with it, you could pay for it.

My perspective is a little different though, since DH and I consider all of our money to be combined.  

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