Post # 1
Last night FI’s parents generously offered to pay for rehearsal dinner.. we had been planning on just doing pizza (and we still might), but this makes more urgent a dilemma I’d been having about who’s invited to the rehearsal dinner…
People definitely invited are: Our 4 attendants plus their significant others, my parents, FI’s parents, my brother. Our families have never met so I think the rehearsal dinner will be an awesome time for them to finally meet.
BUT. The ENTIRETY of the rest of my family that is coming is my grandfather, 2 uncles, one aunt and one cousin, who just turned 18 so is still kind of a package deal with the aunt & uncle. They are all traveling a long way and I would love to include them all. And it’s only 5 people. I really can’t imagine leaving my grandpa out… but then I’d feel like a jerk to exclude my aunt/uncles as the only family NOT invited.
In contrast, FI has a much larger family contingent coming. They’re all traveling too. So if we include all of FI’s aunts/uncles/cousins, that would be at least 15 more people (including several adult children of FI’s cousins).
So what is the fairest / most gracious way to do it? Have only attendants, parents, and siblings? Add on my grandpa? Leave my aunts/uncles out even though they’d be the only family on my side not invited? Just invite all family members and let God sort ’em out?
Post # 3
We have many more OOT guests than you do, and while I’d love to include them in the rehearsal dinner just to spend more time with them, my FI and I just can’t afford it. So, we’re only inviting the attendants, their SOs, our parents, and FI’s siblings and their SOs.
I think you’re right that you can’t include Grandpa without including your other OOT family, and you can’t include one side’s OOT family while ignoring the other side. It’s either everybody or nobody, and when I had to make the same decision I went with nobody.
Post # 4
Required: bride and groom, imediate family on both sides, wedding party.
Optional: Extended family, out of town guests, other special guests
Depends on your budget and who you want there
Post # 5
The only people that should be invited to the rehearsal dinner are the people in the wedding party.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
If it is a “rehearsal” dinner, then the only people that MUST be there are the people in the wedding ceremony. That means all maids and groomsmen, flower girl & ring bearer (if any), and parents being seated as part of the processional.
If you want to morph it into a “welcome party”, then you would also include all guests who are traveling to attend.
Remember, since your FIL’s are hosting the evening, they are the ones who ultimately decide whether it will be a rehearsal dinner or a welcome party. Talk to them and see what they are comfortable with.
Post # 7
I think you’d be ok including your grandpa without the other relatives, as grandparents are often included in the rehearsal dinner. It depends on your family dynamics though.