Post # 1
I have been stewing over this for a while and I am not sure what do say or do:
My FH’s parents, and my parents gave us generous financial gifts when we bought our home, so we haven’t asked them for any help with the wedding or the associated parties. We are funding the wedding, reception, rehearsal dinner and morning-after brunch ourselves. We were assuming however, that our parents and wedding party would attend our rehearsal dinner.
We were at FH’s parents house 2 weekends ago and mentioned our rehearsal plans (we have decided to have the rehearsal at the venue, and do some decorating, and were trying to decide whether to do the dinner at the venue, or to have a more low-key BBQ at our home).
Future Mother-In-Law then pipes up and says “Do you need us to be at the rehearsal? We are hosting a couple relatives at our house the week of the wedding, and would rather stay here with them and travel up the morning of the wedding.”
We are planning the wedding where we live, and his parents live about 2 hours away, my parents are 3 hours away. These relatives they are hosting have keys to their home and are driving up for the visit – so they could easily drive themselves up for the wedding.
FH is really hurt that his parents don’t want to be there for the rehearsal dinner. He assumed they would want to take part and neither of us know what to do.
Scrapping the rehearsal dinner is not an option for us, our officiant will not officiate without a rehearsal, my parents and the bridal party are going to be here (my parents are bringing my dress, and our chair covers) and they are going to help decorate, so we have to feed them.
Post # 3
I would just call the FIL’s and let them know that it wouldn’t be as special without them there. Maybe they just feel obligated to be in two places at the same time, and they didn’t know how important it was to you.
Post # 4
@ marissa – Thanks for the reply, I do think it is what I should do ( because I don’t think FH will ever say anything) … I can sometimes be a bit of a people pleaser, and I was stunned at the time that they didn’t want to come to the rehearsal (as was FH – he just stood there and said nothing). All I managed at the time, was to mumble/stutter out a reply of “I guess you don’t have to come if you don’t want to” – kind of lame (I know)
Post # 5
Your FH needs to speak up! It is obviously important to both of you! And a rehearsal dinner is traditionally attended by both sets of parents. I’m sure they would rather host thier Out of Town guests, but really they NEED to be there for the rehearsal. Don’t give them the option no to go, have your FH tell them he needs them to be there. (If you have no reason, FIND one!)
Post # 6
Find how many people they are hosting. It may be best to invite them as well, if it will insure that they will come. It will cost a few extra $$ but at least you have removed all possible excuses!
Best of Luck!
Post # 7
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I definitely think he should talk to them about it! They may not be aware of how much it means to him to have them there – especially if he’s the only child, or the first to get married!
Post # 8
Thank you all, just to answer a few questions, FH is the last of 3 kids to get married, his brother had a Destination Wedding with less than 12 guests, and his sister had a low-key backyard wedding with restaurant reception. Future Mother-In-Law has been married twice, both were courthouse-tyle ceremonies with no reception, so I think partially that they don’t value a traditional style wedding as much as we do.
The FIL’s are hosting 3 other people at least (grandparents, and at least one aunt), and I doubt that his grandparents (2 of the house guests) would want to spend an extra night in a hotel to be at the rehearsal dinner, and then I would be in the position where in order to the get FIL’s to come I would have to include my grandparents and my parents guests “to be fair” … that would double our rehearsal dinner guest list easily!
I think, at this point I will just have FH talk to his parents, and convey that he wants them there and hope, for his sake, that they decide to come.