Post # 1
Hi ladies. This is just an emotional vent. FI’s family will have to travel to attend the wedding, and this will cost a lot. So FI has said for quite some time that he didn’t want them to have to host a rehearsal dinner. Part of this has to do with their attitudes about hosting things for the wedding — they just don’t want to do it, and in some ways they see traveling to their son’s wedding as a vacation for them and they see him and me as responsible for the wedding and all things wedding related, so we can’t necessarily make them do it, obviously. But everyone wants us to have a rehearsal dinner, and my parents are irritated that FI’s family isn’t doing anything.
The responsibility has now fallen on FI and me, although we are stressed about the wedding itself. I can’t believe I’m dealing with planning a party for the evening before the wedding. It really is too much. FI and I are going to make it a casual barbecue, which should be manageable. But I really don’t want to have to deal with running this. I think I am going to have FI ask the groomsmen to run it. We can buy the bbq food, etc., but then I would like them to take over cooking it and cleaning up.
Thanks for listening! I’m sure other people have had to deal with worse — I’m wondering if any other brides who had to plan and pay for the rehearsal dinner have good strategies for recruiting help!
Post # 3
I don’t know much about etiquette, but I have always been under the impression that that is something that the groom’s side is supposed to pay for! Then again, with the way things are these days, people pay for whatever they want now. I hope it all works out for you! A barbeque sounds fun!
Post # 4
I think that sounds like a great idea. Leave it to your FI and groomsmen and DO NOT get involved. You’re busy enough. 🙂 If he decides he doesn’t want to do it, don’t have a rehearsal dinner. If anyone complains explain you didn’t have the resources or time to plan the wedding AND a rehearsal dinner. Even better, have your FI call his family and have him explain the bbq and try to recruit some help. Help costs nothing, just time.
We might not be having a rehearsal dinner. We’re having a 50 person wedding and even that stretched our budget. It’s traditionally the responsibility of the groom’s side of the family so if they want one, they can throw one. Otherwise, it isn’t happening. I heard though the grape vines they were interested but I’m staying hands off on this one.
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 5
I think that sounds like an great solution: it’s off your back and the in hands of the groom’s side (which is where the RD is supposed to be – Helloemi is right), but your FI won’t be left doing the whole thing himself.
Post # 6
In the same boat over here! Wow I feel for you, like this is the LAST freaking thing I wanted to have to plan. (considering I am also having a late morning wedding- I have to do THIS also??)
When FI and I were over his moms house visiting last week she casually said “so… what are you guys doing for a rehearsal dinner?” ummmm…guess we haven’t planned it yet! I just kind of assumed that my Fi’s family could have dealt with it: two sisters, mother, father, and brothers in law could put together something simple and cute-nothing fancy. The wedding party is small. Just my MOH, his best man (Brother in law) and our parents! yikes, I guess there really is something to that old saying about never assuming something… lol
Post # 7
@CinderellaSoon: Yes, I can understand this all too well. It’s the last thing you want to have to think about as the bride. My FI apparently has reasons for why he doesn’t want his parents heading up the rehearsal dinner so I really can’t push it, but it does seem like a basic courtesy for FILS to at least give you a (big) heads up if they won’t be doing it or — at the very least — offer to help. You are right about not assuming . . . and I suppose not everyone knows about this tradition? Honestly, though, I am working hard to try to forgive FI’s parents for this and not hold it against them, because it seems like they’re saying “serve us” instead of reaching out to my family and showing how happy they are that their son is getting married, doing their part, etc. I can say that my parents are definitely not impressed by that. Not a good first impression at all. (Even if FI and I paid for it, the least they could do is organize the barbecue or offer to grill the meat and pass out paper plates.) I’m really trying to keep an open heart to them, but this is a disappointment.
Post # 8
We are just going out for a VERY casual dinner after our rehearsal… probably just to a local pizza place. nothing planned, nothing fancy, nothing expensive
Post # 9
DH’s parents generously agreed to pay for the rehearsal dinner (though DH did have to ask them), but they certainly were not going to plan anything. It definitely was not a priority for me and I left it to the last minute, we ended up finding a Chinese restaurant 5 days before the wedding and it turned out great. We selected a couple appetizers, a few main course selections and a dessert, they just brought it out family-style. We ordered a few bottles of wine for the tables. We decided to do it on a Thursday night (instead of the night before the wedding) and we only included the bridal party, parents, & SOs – total of 20 people. It turned out really nice, and it was easy peasy, I seriously put next to zero effort into it. I’d try to do something like that because hosting a party at your home is the last thing you need to be worrying about in the days before your wedding!