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We're inviting the significant others but we only have 6 attendants total and we knew all the significant others. I don't think significant others expect to be invited, and your closest friends (your wedding party) will understand one way or the other. Don't stress about it!
I think it's courteous and best to invite everyone, but if you can't, just tell them politely. Don't invite anyone's SO's, Fi's, or spouses, because if you show anyone favoritism, it will hurt other's feelings.
If people are traveling any distance where they will have to be staying overnight in a hotel I think its only courteous to invite their SOs to the RD. I would not feel okay with telling a friend, FSIL or FBIL they could not bring their spouse or for that matter their FI or serious bf/gf !
I personally am not a big fan of people excluding spouses and SO's from things. I'd look for a different location if there's a limit on the number of people that can be accommodated.
i've heard that it is common courtesy to include significant others in the rehearsal dinner.
I think it is most appropriate to invite the SO's of the bridal party members. If they are attending the rehearsal and then the dinner (particularly if they are from out of town), you don't really want to leave that person alone with nothing to do while their SO is at your rehearsal. I would try to get a different location if it is feasible. If you really have no choice and cannot invite the SOs, you have to say no to all of them or it will look like you are picking favorites. I personally would not really feel comfortable with not inviting the SO's to the RD though...
We aren't including the SOs; however, we are not excluding them either. We are leaving it up to our wedding party as to whether or not they want to include them or not. We are having it at our home, so space is not an issue, but travel back and forth may be an issue.
I actually don't have the budget to invite all of my wedding party's SO's, nor do I have the budget to invite any out of town guests. My entire wedding party including the bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, ring bearer, moms, brothers involved and grandparents amount to 20 people. In order to treat them to a nice thank you dinner I can't invite anyone else. So I decided to have a dinner for them immediately following the rehearsal and then having a welcome party after dinner at my mom's house for all of the out of town guests and the wedding party and their spouses (if they should choose to come). We will be serving desserts and drinks and just be able to catch up and spend a little time together before the wedding day.
I know this goes against what everyone above me has said but I have to do what I have to do. If I had the money for it, I would definitely invite all of the spouses and out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner.
Instead of having 2 separate parties why dont you just combine the two? You say you dont have the budget to feed everyone but then you are also having a welcome party for all OOT guests and bridal party SOs? I would just nix the intimate dinner and do it with everyone that you were planning to have at the welcome party. Then you arent spending any more money than you were going to on the welcome party anyways! And i guarantee that your friends/family that have SOs will be very appreciative that they dont have to leave them at home!
We're having a small rehearsal dinner - parents, intermediate family, wedding party and SO's, along with other ceremony participants. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack from my Aunt who invited us to her son's rehearsal dinner last year, but our headcount is already at 36 for the dinner, and that's plenty! Plus, about 80% of guests are coming in from out of town, so unless we want to do a pre-wedding reception, we have to limit it unforturnately.
I definitely think that it would be nice if your included them. I'm not sure the etiquette rules on this, but I'm sure your attendants will be a little put off if you don't include their significant others in the invite for the rehearsal dinner. We invited our attendants significant others, but we were lucky in that we only had a Maid of Honor and Best Man, so that's only two extra people.
Well as far as the rehearsal dinner, I got a $100 gift certificate from restaurant.com for one of our very good restaurants. That will cover about 1/3 of the total cost for 20 people. My budget for the rehearsal dinner is $300, while the welcome party will be hosted by my mom. A year ago she put a deposit on a club that I wanted to have my wedding at. As time went on I changed my mind and completely changed my plans. The deposit was non-refundable but they are letting us use it to purchase the desserts for the welcome party. Also, my FI is very intent on taking the wedding party out to a nice dinner as a thank you for what they are doing. This was the best way to please everyone.
I think that if budget is your main concern, go with a more casual rehearsal dinner rather than cutting out spouses and significant others. Our rehearsal dinner is at a pub... We're having pizza and beer. Our wedding and reception is very formal, so we both really wanted something low key the night before to relax before the big day (we're happiest in a t-shirt and jeans). I would feel put off if my husband was in someone's wedding and I was excluded from the rehearsal dinner. I probably wouldn't want him to go to it, especially if we were out of town... would I order room service and stay in the hotel alone while he was gone? People spend a lot of time and money as a member of your wedding party... the least you can do is show your appreciation by inviting their significant other to the rehearsal dinner.
I am including them but I have a small wedding party. All the parents are coming as well. I think it is appropriate to invite the SO's and try to figure something else out about space...
@MaggieGirl: you hit the nail on the head!! Your bridal party drops a lot of time and money and has probably been there throughout this whole process to support you so to show them you care invite the ones that they care about most too!
Ugh we just went to a wedding last weekend where my FI was a groomsmen, SO's were basically cut out of the entire process. Not invited to the rehearsal dinner, nor the reception dinner. We actually had to wait outside with the wedding party (and family of the bride and groom) before we could be seated, and then the only seats were outside on the patio, we didn't get to hear the toasts, watch them cut the cake or dance, The wedding party was completely detached from their family during the reception. Put a very bad taste in my mouth, I will be including family and SO's to the rehearsal dinner.
Definitely include SO's. If you're on a limited budget consider a more casual venus - I'm sure no one will mind that at all.
Ok, wait, I lied. I was just looking over my notes and the guest count did include spouses, just not the out of town guests or their children. There are only 6 SO's for the wedding party so it's not a big deal. It was the out of town guests (a total of 20) that I could not afford to invite to the dinner... which is why we are having the after dinner get together for them. Sorry about that. :)
I don't think you have to include your out of town guests unless they are part of your wedding party or doing a reading at the ceremony. So you're good to go!
Good, I was starting to get very insecure after all those posts and was very relieved to find that my count included the SO's after reading everyone's comments. lol!
hey girls..thanks for all that feedback..it turns out we will have enough room for our attendant's SO=) phew!! good luck with all of your planning=)
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Hi bees, for your wedding party, did you invite everyone's significant other to the rehearsal dinner as well?? We have a limit to the number of people for our room and if we invited our party's SO's, it would go waaayy over..is it necessary??