(Closed) rehearsal dinner headache! help!

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

Since your extended family won’t actually be at the rehearsal, perhaps you could have dinner near the location with the participants, then move to someone’s house and have a dessert get-together for everyone?

If you provide homemade desserts and limit the alcohol to what’s in the house, you can have a nice party for a lot cheaper than it would be to buy everyone dinner.

Post # 4
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I would simply explain that this is just for the wedding party and budget is an issue that you are takin into consideration. Obviously budget is an issue for everyone when it comes to wedding (for the most part) and I can’t imagine them being too sore on it for long once you let them know, that not only are you not footing the bill – it would be rude to invite your family and then not turn around and invite his which would bring the guest list to just about the size of the actual wedding, which isn’t doable.

Make sure they know his whole family isn’t invited and traditionally this party is only for the wedding party and the few out of towners that may be around as a curtosy.  

And just remember – it’s your wedding weekend and it goes your way or no way and for everyone who has an issue with that TOUGH! 😉

Good luck hun!

 

Post # 5
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Stand your ground. It’s totally unreasonable for them to expect to be invited to a wedding-party-only event, especially if you’re going to hold something afterward to which everybody is invited. Instead of apologizing for them not being invited to something they’re not entitled to to begin with, emphasize the part that they can come to: "We can’t wait to see you at the get together afterward. We’re excited that everyone will have a change to mingle and that we’ll get to see everybody." If they hold a grudge, honestly, that’s their fault for having unrealistic expectations.

Post # 6
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

(shaking my head) I can’t imagine why people would be so worked up over not being invited to the RD. It’s not like they aren’t invited to the wedding?! Things like that really grind my gears! Any family guy lovers?

On top of what the ladies already suggested above, can you just wash your hands of it by saying hey, I am not the host. My fiance’s family are hosting and they’ve allotted only so much for it. And go to a nearby bar or someone’s house afterwards where you will see visit with everyone then. (It gets so crazy the day before the wedding that it’s very likely that not all of them will make it anyway even though they’re throwing a fit about it)  

Post # 7
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Ditto all of the above. You should never feel obligated or forced to do something you feel uncomfortable with. Your family should understand that its a bonus to be asked to come to the rehearsal dinner and not a mandatory invite. Suggesting to have them join you for drinks is a great idea. I’d stick with that.

Post # 8
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

Stand your ground!  Like others said, this is a dinner for the bride & groom and the wedding party.  We paid for ours ourselves, and we considered it a partial "thank you" to the people who were being so helpful to us and giving up a lot of time and spending a lot of money to be a part of our wedding.  It is NOT a second wedding!  (We had to point that out to some people…ahem, dad…who seemed to feel that extended family should get to come as well.)  I know a lot of people use their RD to also spend time w/ OOT guests, and we would’ve liked to, but b/c nearly all his fam was OOT, it would’ve opened up a slippery slope for us (why is one aunt invited just b/c she’s OOT, and the other aunts/uncles aren’t?), so we nixed that idea.

If the extended fam just really wants to celebrate with you, then yes, by all means suggests after-dinner drinks or dessert somewhere else or at a family member’s home.  (But since it sounds like something THEY’RE pressuring you to do, don’t feel obligated to host it!  You shouldn’t have to throw a party for other people just b/c they want you to!)  Good Luck! 

Post # 10
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

yay! i’m so glad it worked out for you guys. 🙂

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