Post # 1
Reader disclaimer: this is a vent post.
my fiancé and his family are planning and hosting our rehearsal dinner. A few months back they decided to host it at a nice restaurant downtown. He went over budget with them and they seemed ok with everything. Last week things changed. The restaurant is a little pricey so they decided to do something a little more casual and low key, which I am completely fine with. However, they have decided they want to host it at our new house that we move into a month before the wedding. I am now freaking out at the thought. It was never really a discussion with me, they have already begun planning! They are from out of state and I understand this is their event and I don’t want to step on toes but I will be busy enough planning the actual wedding, setting up and finalizing details and will not have the time to clean the house, finish painting and making sure everything is unpacked! I think I am going to turn into a bridezilla soon.
I have discussed this with my fiancé, however he apparently cannot say no to his mother.
have any of you bees delt with this? I wish that I was as easy going as his family!
Post # 3
talk to your FI and tell explain to him calmly that it can’t be at your house.
he needs to back you up on this.
or tell him he needs to finish painting and get everything ready because you are doing wedding stuff.
Post # 4
Yikes, that wouldn’t fly with me either. I’d have your FI talk to his parents. Maybe you could find a community center, hall, etc that could accommodate the rehearsal dinner instead?
Post # 5
It may be their party, but it is your house. Yesterday a commentor on another board gave an example of people trying to be la-di-da, which she wittily turned into a joke by misusing prententious-sounding words. Specifically to this situation, she mentioned requesting “the pleasure of their company ‘chez vous’“*. Vous is the french word for ‘you’: one normally requests “the pleasure of your company at our home”, but by trying to be over-the-top formal one makes the funny error of requesting “the pleasure of your company at your home”. Yet your mother-inn-law is doing exactly the ridiculous thing that other poster was making a joke out of!
Call a local church hall or community centre, and see if they have a room you can rent with access to a kitchen. Rent it, and tell your fiance and his mother that since your house is not set up yet, that you are providing her with an alternative that she will find much more workable than an unpainted house with no pots, pans or dishes available yet. There is nothing like the power of a fait accompli.
Post # 6
Check with the Wedding Hotel, many times they will work with you for rehearsal dinners for a reduced or free rate in one of their meeting rooms. This is when he needs to be firm to establish his own life and his own home rules to the family. Good Luck!
Post # 7
He needs to grow a pair. Now.
I think it’s NUTS to try and host something at your house before you get married! It’s going to create way too much stress for you. If he won’t man up (red flag for the future, BTW) can your parents gently suggest another option?
You never know people’s financial situation somaybe the budget was too much of a reach for them. Let’s assume that they are just too proud to say that they can’t afford plan A. I think you should suggest (or have your MOH, guy, or parents suggest) a cheap alternative. For example, a pizza party or picnic.
If this does happen, I would INSIST that your fiance pay to have the place professionally cleaned before AND after the party. Not his parents but him. (I think it would be weird to have them pay to have your house professionally cleaned.)