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No it's not... We had that many if not a little over and we had a smaller wedding than you are. It's just one of those numbers that adds up quick with the "etiquette" invitees.
Which we also included a few others b/c close friends of ours were part of the wedding.. ie our musicians are 2 close friends we go to church with and my DOC is a friend from church as well... so they were also invited
I would let him deal with his junk himself and you just keep doing what you're supposed to be doing =)
If that's your wedding party and no one extra then there's nothing you can do. I would do the rehearsal and then plan a get together after the rehearsal dinner for the out of town guests. Your in town aunts and uncles won't expect to be invited if they aren't part of the bridal party so there's no reason to even address it with them.
The "official" wedding rule is 47 is too many for a rehearsal dinner. So, officially, according to the troll that lives in the dark cave and makes up all these stupid rules, you are good to go! :) Kidding! (I hope that made you smile a bit)
For a 300 person wedding, I don't think 45 is too many. Maybe your FFIL is balking a bit because of the cost of feeding 45 people? If so, can you guys offer to split the cost of the dinner with your IL's?
Or another option - if you end up getting pushed into a smaller dinner, have a more casual get-together after dinner (i.e. drinks and snacks) with your OOT guests. Then you can still "include" you family and OOT guests the night before without having to incur the extra cost of feeding them another night.
Honestly...most Aunts & Uncles don't expect to be invited to the RD, so nothing needs to be mentioned to any of them. RDs seem to be getting out of control, and should include only the BP and the immediate families anyway. I'm sure OOTers can entertain themselves for a few hours, and maybe you can meet up with them later for a drink.
I'd probably have a stroke too, hearing that number, no matter what the guest list is. One has nothing to do with the other.
No 45 is not too many people! We had about 90 people at our rehearsal dinner because we invited all of our guests since it was a destination wedding (everyone had to drive at least an hour and a half and most people had to fly) I loved having 90 people at our rehearsal dinner. I think 45 will be a perfect number. You will really get to spend some more intimate time with your guests!
I'm having about 45 people for a 100-125 person wedding (we're just doing family and close friends and both families are small or can't get here bc they're international). So I think it's very modest for a 250-300 person wedding
I've been to a lot of rehearsal dinners with more people than that, or to which a significant number of wedding guests were invited. We will probably invite about 1/3 to ours (50 of 150 or so).
If it's a problem with cost and they are paying for it, though, they should definitely have a say in where to cut off the guest list. You shouldn't feel obligated to invite anyone, though--I agree with the PPs that people wouldn't be offended if they weren't invited.
We had 56 people attend our rehearsal dinner for our 135 person wedding (and we invited about 70 - some were not in town that early and couldn't make it). We invited all people involved in the wedding ceremony along with our aunts, uncles, and grandparents (who were all travelling in from OOT) and some of our best friends who didn't quite make the cut for BM and GM. We had a wonderful time getting to spend some extra quality time with the most important people in our lives the night before the wedding.
Are your FIL's planning the whole RD or just paying for it? If they are paying for it but you are planning, why do they really care how many people you include so long as you come in under their budget!
ETA: We had 27 people (plus DH and I so 29) who were required to be at the rehearsal. That's not including dates for our wedding party (who we did invite to the RD too).
We had 30 at our rehearsal dinner and our wedding was only 75 people! lol. I think you just have to invite who you have to invite (we included out of towners in ours).
I would ask your FFIL who he thinks is extraneous. I mean everyone you invited kind of needs to be there it sounds like. Maybe he just hasn't thought through how many people that is?
I think 45 is fine, especially for how big your wedding is. We're having about 150 people to the wedding, and our rehearsal dinner will have around 40 people (and that's after some family members told us they can't make it!).
We're only inviting people who are performing in the wedding, plus the plus ones. No out of town guests! This is NOT a second reception for people! We are hosting a BBQ on Sunday. That is enough entertainment from us...
no not at all. We are having over 300 people at our wedding and our rehearsal dinner guest list is going to be 40.
I have been told its just bridal party and parents with there guest obviously. 5 bridesmaids, 5 Groomsmen + guests. My parents and his mom. Should be under 25. I dotn think anyone outside the wedding party itself should be invited. If you need to cut people for cost and you have a huge bridal party just dont have them bring there +1's. I mean you dont tecnically have too... it is a "rehersal" and they are not in the wedding.
I've never been to a rehearsal dinner where there were +1s for the bridal party. It's just been the bridal party, parents and grandparents and maybe a couple close aunts/uncles. I don't see where so many ppl should be included in the rehearsal dinner, I just figured it was for the people who were obligated to go to the rehearsal.
We had just under 50 people. That was the bridal party, their dates, and some of our closest relatives. I loved being able to spend the extra time with these people before the wedding and have them meet one another.
@angelica3025: What if people in the wedding party are coming from OOT and brought dates? Are the dates just supposed to sit around the hotel room all evening while the bridesmaid or groomsman goes to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner?
@Mrs.KMM: Well no, of COURSE OOT guests should be treated differently if they have a date. I wasn't referring to people coming from out of town.
Considering the size of your wedding party I would say no, 45 isn't too many (though I do think it's a lot...a lot of restaurant private rooms don't accommodate that many). I don't get the trend of inviting people outside of the wedding party to the rehearsal dinner like friends, extended family, or OOT guests unless it's a really small wedding...that's what the reception is for. Your aunts and uncles shouldn't expect to be invited, they were invited to the wedding not the rehearsal. Your FFIL's reaction may have been the result of realizing for the first time just how big of a wedding you guys are having and how it impacts him...or maybe he hasn't been on board with a big wedding all along so he's not happy about having to pay for a large rehearsal dinner...maybe he's not used to the big weddings people have these days...or maybe he's just an old grump? You have enough to worry about, leave this one to FFIL...it is after all his call.
I am used to a RD being the bride, groom, wedding party, parents, siblings (if not already in wedding party), grandparents, officient (sometimes), and any others who are participating the ceremony.
My FH's mom, however, starts with all of those people plus aunts, uncles, and cousins as the bare minimum (which is a lot because both sides of FH's family are large). She decided to also include OOT guest for ours which excluded 5-7 people who were local and not family. Since FMIL and FFIL are planning and paying for the RD and aruging about our idea of a RD vs their ideas of a RD was causing more stress than necessary between FH and I, we gave up all control over the RD. Of course, after FMIL set the list at everyone but local not-family (leaving a handful of people excluded) we did push for allowing those last few to also be invited. So we are having, essentially, a reception the day before the wedding. A lot of folks won't be able to make the RD as they already made travel plans and didn't expect to receive an invite (the invites are supposedly going out in the next two weeks). We're having just under 100 guests.
So our case was an example of money vs tradition.
@mollyib: My FMIL is inviting the wedding party and all the out of towners. That's at LEAST 75 people. I originally only wanted to do wedding party only... keep it small. Apparently, that's not kosher. Now I wonder who I should/shouldn't invite to the bridal shower! My MOH asked for a list, but it's something like 50 people!
We had 45 people at ours. We were really struggling with that number too and had no way of making iit smaller. That is what happens when you come from a big family IMO.
I think I'm going to have about 40 people at mine too. We have about 220 guests. I did think it was a bit much for a rehearsal dinner, but I couldn't help it so it is what it is.
Our guest list is 45 and I am planning for 50. We are having 200 so I think your number is more than reasonable!
Why not cut back on the dinner than? It really does not have to be a plated, 3 course affair. A lot of friends here do pizza. We are planning gourmet Vietnamese sandwiches(from an awesome restaurant) and gelato from a local place. Total cost for food = $300. There are ways to do it on a budget and be creative without breaking the bank or having to pot luck it. Good luck!
Our rehearsal dinner invite list is 43 adults and 8 kids, and our total guest list was 256 adults, with 175 coming. We both have big families and a decent sized wedding party, so I don't see how we could have decreased it. We kept it to bridemaids and groomsmen (and their families/dates of course), families of flower girls and ring bearers, readers, parents and grandparents and still ended up with that many.
I'm inviting my OOT guest to attend. Some are driving more than 12 hrs and some are flying in from very far and alot of them have to leave Sunday so we can't do a Sunday brunch or any thing. Although I hate eating at Buffet restaurants, my wedding will be buffet style, we are just taking them there cause its not going to be too expensive...so to me 45 is not a bad number at all
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Okay so, more or less this is a vent. I was asked to put together a list of people for the rehearsal dinner so we could have a general count. I included the usual attendees including all the bridesmaids, groomsmen and their "plus one" but not necessarily their family if they had kids (not my idea) and the ringbearers, banner boy, flowergirl, candle lighters and each of their families as well as our parents and grandparents. So I came up with about 45 people. I thought this was a pretty good number, and actually rather modest since we didn't include ushers, guest book attendents and out of town guests. My FFIL flipped and asked us if we were just having the wedding Friday night. Mind you, our guest list is 250-300 people (again modest) because we both come from HUGE families. Is 45 people too many? I know we've excluded some important people I wish could come but I was asked to keep it low so I did. Thoughts? Suggestions? How do I tell my aunts and uncles they aren't invited, or his aunts and uncles who are coming into town specifically for the wedding? Or do I just let the FIL worry about it?