Weddingbee boards

Just tell your mom that you don't want to RD to upstage the wedding. :) Personally I feel that the RD is for the wedding party/those involved anyway - those are the people that are standing up for you and making you feel special, this is your time to thank them. If you're going to make it for everyone, why have another reception?

I know my FI's parents can't pay for more people than we're inviting and I wouldn't even DREAM of asking them to host a ton more people - or if we did, FI and I would pay for it ourselves. If they can't afford it, they can't afford it, and to invite more and expect them to pay for it is rude and selfish, in my eyes. What would your parents do if they couldn't afford to throw a huge wedding? They'd have to cut down the guest list and cut out some other things. 

It's wonderful that your parents have the means to throw an amazing wedding, but they also have to realize that some people aren't in the position to spend that much money, and they have to respect that. Plus, if you want an intimate affair, tell them that. Just because they're paying for everything doesn't give them carte blanche do to whatever they want. Or, like Rebecca said, tell them they can host a welcome reception after the RD for everyone they want to invite. 

Maybe you can gently remind your parents that the big party they are paying for should be the focus?  All these people that they want to invite to the RD will be at the big fancy wedding the next day!

I, too agree, that the RD should be more intimate and be just the bridal party and key family members.  There's too much going on the day before your wedding to worry about entertaining a big group.  That's what the wedding is for! You'll have a lot on your mind. 

Since 80% of your guests will be traveling in, and your parents want them included at the RD, how about suggesting a brunch or casual party the day after the wedding?  We had a very casual beach party the day after, and it was so great because the wedding was over, and we got to hang out with everyone in a leisurely setting.  Good luck!

I have a similar issue. A huge chunk of our guests will be coming from out of town, and we want to see them (as do my parents). FI's father wants to host an RD where the wedding party can't even bring their guests (a whole 3 extra people). What I think is going to end up happening is that FI's father is just going to give us money, and my parents are really going to host it (catered something at our house, outside if it's nice) for the wedding party and immediate family.

After the RD, they will then host a wine & dessert party for all of the OOT people so we get to see everyone.

We would do the post-wedding brunch thing but we are leaving the very next morning early for our honeymoon. My family might have a family brunch, but we won't be there and we want to see our guests too!

same situation as you.

We found a rehearsal dinner place that will only allow for 75people max, so it ended up being a GREAT EXCUSE for limiting the number and my parents totally understood.

It is very common to do a small intimate dinner with family and bridal party and then go to the hotel bar where everyone is staying (or a local bar/lounge that is easy for people to get to) and have  cocktails there where everyone just gets their own drinks and see's you. This relieves the financial stress on EVERYONE. Just announce it in your itinerary that everyone is invited to the bar at XXX time.

Since your folks are paying for the wedding, doing ANOTHER event like a brunch only adds to their bill. If they want to pay it, great, but in my case, my folks have a generous yet firm and limited budget and so doing open cocktails was the best solution.