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We just included the wedding party and the family members that were involved in the wedding. Of course, ours was a small informal dinner that also included decorating the reception hall. We didn't invite aunts or uncles or anything like that and I don't think anyone had a problem with it. I would just get the FMIL and FFIL together and let them know that the over inviting is concerning you and I think that once they realize the cost of the extra people then maybe they can come to an agreement and cut down the numbers. But I honestly don't see why anyone but the wedding party and close family members should be there. But that's just me I guess...
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I think that her family is already invited. If she sent out a letter that is basically a STD for the rehearsal dinner, you can't go back and uninvite those people. I see two possible solutions...One, you can invite your extra guests and pay for them yourself or you can break down and give her your list that you need to invite and see what she says. I'm a pushover, I would do the first.
Good Luck!
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angee - I would be happy to only include the wedding party, but because my in-laws families live so far away, they are seeing the whole wedding as a reunion and want to spend as much time with them as possible. I understand that, but I'd like my family to be included, too (after all, my family is paying for the wedding which is accomodating a lot of their family!).
I think I will just give her a list and say: Here's who we would like to invite. Hopefully together we'll be able to make cuts from there. I just resent the idea that family I haven't seen in a long time is coming down a day early for the wedding, and I'm supposed to ignore them in order to spend time with my in-laws.
I would want my family there too and would feel so horrible if I wasn't able to invite them to the rehearsal dinner along with the in-laws family. I would definitely let her know that you have family that needs to be invited still and hope she will accomodate for them. It's unfair that all of her family gets to come if none of yours gets to. Would it be possible for you to maybe cover the cost of your family coming if she is totally unwilling to work with you? Hopefully, she will be considerate enough to make sure that your family is included also, good luck.
I hear ya, ES123. Have your Fi tell her exactly what you told us. That your parents are footing the bill for her guests at the wedding. So FI's parents should foot the bill for your side at the rehearsal.
OOT guests are often invited to rehearsal dinners. However, if you are going to have that many, maybe it's better not to include the, or possibly thikn of other arrangements for them. With that said, I think that your FMIL's guests have already been invited. Quite possibly the smae for FFIL. Since they are footing the bill, it might be difficult for you to say you want it smaller, or don't invite these people, etc. But at the least, having her invite all of her people for a reunion, and not invite your people is unacceptable. Have your FI tell her so.
Just curious how many OOT guests from your side you'd want to invite.
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The problem is that she picked a place where we can only have 50 people. One way or another, people are going to have to be uninvited.
My FMIL wanted to do that too, but we were able to compromise and make a lunch gathering for OOT family earlier in the day, and still have the intimate rehearsal with just the people involved that FI and I really wanted.
Oh sorry. I think I misread your first post. I would still have your FI talk to her and explain how lopsided the invite list is, and that that is unfair. Good luck.
Can you change the venue? Did she put down a deposit? If not, maybe do a little of the legwork for her and find another place that will fit everybody and is in the same price range. You could bring those places up when you talked about your side of the family.
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I guess this is an etiquette question. My FMIL and FFIL and planning/paying for the rehearsal dinner (they are divorced but doing it together). My FMIL let me know that they could invite about 50 people. The problem is that while we have a small bridal party, we have a lot of guests coming in from out of town. My FMIL and FFIL live far away from their extended families and they don't get to see them often, so naturally they want them all to come to the rehearsal dinner. My FMIL sent out a newsletter to her family letting them know they should come in Friday night to come to the rehearsal dinner. The problem? Her family, plus the bridal party, myself, my groom, and my mom and brothers is about 47 people. So, I have 3 people left I can invite.
FMIL hasn't said yet that she's inviting all her out of town guests to the rehearsal, and I don't know how to broach this topic with her. Obviously, neither side is going to be able to invite all the people they want, but where do we draw the line? At first we thought bridal party and all out of town guests; but that's way too many people. I don't want her to have to pay for 75 people at a rehearsal dinner, or have a first wedding at the rehearsal dinner. But my FMIL can be kind of bossy (her whole life is basically event planning) and I know she wants her whole family there. Also, how can we include some without including others (especially those who know what's going on)?