Post # 1
I posted this in parties but I think it belongs here:
So I’ve read that you are supposed to invite the grandparents to a rehearsal dinner. DF and I each have a Grandma, and he has a Grandfather who has a second-wife (not DF’s grandmother who passed away). The issue is that DF also has an Aunt with special needs whose caretaker is his Grandma. Tonight I asked him if we invited his grandma, would his Aunt need to come too? He flat out said “yes, they are a package deal.”
I have a few concerns with this. 1. We have a lot of Aunts and Uncles…will this cause a trickle down effect where they will want to be invited since they found out that 1 Aunt is coming? 2. Our rehearsal dinner location involves a lot of walking, and his Aunt would either need a wheelchair (and someone to push her) a long distance, or we’d need to pay for private transportation to get here there (you can’t drive yourself as the area is restricted). 3. It’s an extra person I’d have to pay for. (I’m paying for the rehearsal…DF’s family has not offered to help us with expenses).
So my question is, is it fair for me to ask DF to take this up with his family and arrange for his Uncle and his wife to stay with his Aunt while his Grandma is at dinner? Or, can I get away with not inviting any grandparents to avoid the issue altogether?
Post # 3
Don’t invite the grandparents. It’s not necessary that they are there.
Post # 4
Technically grandparents are not included in the “must invite” list but we are inviting ours. For your situation, I would forego inviting the grandparents just to make things easier on you.
Post # 5
I would never imagine not inviting my grandmother and my FI’s grandparents’ to any wedding related event. I would say that none of your aunts or uncles would think twice about her needing to come since the grandmother is the primary caretaker. I do not think you need to worry about providing any special provisions for the Aunt. If it will be an issue for her to be there and be able to get around, then your FI and his family will have to deal with it, not you.
Post # 6
I agree with mcnetn3: I would invite her but let his family make any necessary arrangements.
Post # 7
From what I know of from experience, the bridal party and anyone involved in the wedding are the ones invited to the rehearsal dinner. That is what a rehearsal dinner is; you go over the wedding ceremony details. Anyone that was not involved in the wedding would most likely be bored and just be there for the food and entertainment. Just my opinion 🙂
Post # 8
I would probably skip the grandparents. Are they playing some role in the ceremony where they need to be a the rehersal? If no, I would not invite them. If your grandparents are very special to you and you would like to include them, then I say invite the grandma and the aunt–the rest of the aunts and uncles will understand why that one aunt was included.
Post # 9
It’s up to you whether you want the grandparents there or not, but I agree with you that if the Aunty is invited there will probably be other Auntys and Uncles that are not invited who may feel hurt. Perhaps discuss the grandparents issue with your FI.
Post # 10
I would invite her, and the grandparents. My husband doesn’t have any grandparents left, but he does have a great aunt who is pretty much treated as a grandma. Because of that, we invite her when we invite the grandparents.
I would just let them know that it’s a lot of walking and their options so they can make arrangements, or delicate to your MIL to do that.
Post # 11
Agree with many pps, invite her and the aunt because this is not worth the fight or repercussions. You will only come out looking bad if that is what the family expects. We are inviting the one surviving gram and an aunt who will “take care of her” but none of the other bajillion aunts and uncles in the family. Everyone understands.
And look into renting or borrowing a wheel chair. I think that is a fine idea. Ask the restaurant what they normally do for people with handicaps. They may have some accomodation you dont know about yet.
Post # 12
I would invite the Aunt and grandparents. The rest of the aunts and uncles are no longer children and should understand the exception. I can’t imagine not having my grandmothers at everything.