(Closed) Rehearsal dinner issues

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

We just included the wedding party and the family members that were involved in the wedding. Of course, ours was a small informal dinner that also included decorating the reception hall. We didn’t invite aunts or uncles or anything like that and I don’t think anyone had a problem with it. I would just get the FMIL and FFIL together and let them know that the over inviting is concerning you and I think that once they realize the cost of the extra people then maybe they can come to an agreement and cut down the numbers. But I honestly don’t see why anyone but the wedding party and close family members should be there. But that’s just me I guess…

Post # 4
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I think that her family is already invited. If she sent out a letter that is basically a STD for the rehearsal dinner, you can’t go back and uninvite those people. I see two possible solutions…One, you can invite your extra guests and pay for them yourself or you can break down and give her your list that you need to invite and see what she says. I’m a pushover, I would do the first.

 

Good Luck! 

Post # 6
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I would want my family there too and would feel so horrible if I wasn’t able to invite them to the rehearsal dinner along with the in-laws family. I would definitely let her know that you have family that needs to be invited still and hope she will accomodate for them. It’s unfair that all of her family gets to come if none of yours gets to. Would it be possible for you to maybe cover the cost of your family coming if she is totally unwilling to work with you? Hopefully, she will be considerate enough to make sure that your family is included also, good luck.

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I hear ya, ES123.  Have your Fi tell her exactly what you told us.  That your parents are footing the bill for her guests at the wedding.  So FI’s parents should foot the bill for your side at the rehearsal.

OOT guests are often invited to rehearsal dinners.  However, if you are going to have that many, maybe it’s better not to include the, or possibly thikn of other arrangements for them.  With that said, I think that your FMIL’s guests have already been invited.  Quite possibly the smae for FFIL.  Since they are footing the bill, it might be difficult for you to say you want it smaller, or don’t invite these people, etc.  But at the least, having her invite all of her people for a reunion, and not invite your people is unacceptable.  Have your FI tell her so. 

Just curious how  many OOT guests from your side you’d want to invite.

Post # 9
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My FMIL wanted to do that too, but we were able to compromise and make a lunch gathering for OOT family earlier in the day, and still have the intimate rehearsal with just the people involved that FI and I really wanted.

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Oh sorry. I think I misread your first post.  I would still have your FI talk to her and explain how lopsided the invite list is, and that that is unfair.    Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Can you change the venue? Did she put down a deposit? If not, maybe do a little of the legwork for her and find another place that will fit everybody and is in the same price range. You could bring those places up when you talked about your side of the family.

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