- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
OK Bees…Here is an update on my traditional Rehearsal dinner verses extra reception hour dilema. It’s getting more complicated and I’m at my wits end.
You can see my original post/poll here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/traditional-rehearsal-dinner-vs-extra-hour-at-the-reception
So after my FMIL made the offer to have the rehearsal dinner at their house in exchange for more $ torwards the wedding, I spoke with my dad. All I told him was that I was stuggling with the decision, but it seemed silly not to take them up on the offer. My dad was concerned, as am I, about fitting 25 people in their house for a sit-down dinner. Another concern, is my parents are divorced and there is some tension there. The closer the quarters, the more tension.
So my Dad said, we’ll have to keep thinking and try to come up with a solution that everyone is happy with, and ended the conversation. Unbenounced to me, he then proceeded to discuss it with my stepmother. Aparently, he sort of made a big deal about how uncomfortable it would be so that she would agree to offer to pay for the extra hour of reception time themselves.
My Dad then calls me up yesterday to give me the “good news” that they would pay for the extra hour, and we can go back to having a traditional rehersal dinner at a resturant. Sounds great, right????
WRONG. The part I left out when I talked to my dad was, they weren’t just offering to pay for the extra hour ($800-$900)…they were offering to give us the cash they had alloted for the rehearsal dinner (around $2000-$2500). That is money we would have a really hard time turning down. It would help us out immensely! I wasn’t trying to be dishonest when I told my dad, I just struggle with when it is ok to talk real numbers. (With three sets of parents contributing to the wedding, I feel like it’s rude to tell one set or the other exactly how much others are contributing, so I try to keep it in terms of “they are paying for XXX”, instead of saying “they are giving us $$$”)
Now my dad is upset with me (not angry, I just think he isn’t happy how this played out) He went out on a limb for me to try to help me out of a tough situation. I dont know if he thought I was trying to ask him for the money, or what. But honestly that wasn’t my intention. My dad has been to my in-law’s house, so I wanted his opinion on if he thought it would work or not.
I don’t handle my dad being upset with me very well. We’ve always gotten along, and 99.99% of the time, we agree on everything. I feel TERRIBLE that I put him in this position, and worse, now my stepmother thinks a dinner at my in-laws will be horrible which just adds to the potential tension.
I still think we have to take my in-laws up on their offer, but I think I handled this whole thing poorly and I feel really down about it. Am I crazy bees? I think I made a mess.