Post # 1
Our wedding is still about 4 months away, but I’ve been thinking about the RD logistics and want to talk about it with my FI’s parents. When we got engaged they picked out the place where they wanted to have it and were upfront that they will be paying for it.
So, who does what? Do they send out invitations? Do I? Who makes them/designs them? When should rehearsal invites be sent out? Also, I know that they picked the place out, but I don’t think they have reserved the date or space yet, should I ask? Is that rude?
Its an interesting situation b/c FI’s parents have stated that they want to invite OFT guests. All my FI’s family has to fly in, therefore FI’s parents’ entire family will all be at the RD. But most of my family has to drive 5+ hours to get there, so technically they are out of town too, do they get an invite? And I’m thinking that some of my family members won’t come into town until the day of the wedding, but do we send them a rehearsal dinner invite anyway? If we elinimate those who drove in, that would be my entire family, meaning it would just be my FI’s family at the dinner….humm….How did you other brides work out the logisitcs of which OFT guests(family members) were invited to the RD and who wasn’t.
I should mention that I don’t have the best relationship with my FI’s parents, but I would like to play some sort of role in the dinner, or help out any way that I can…but I feel weird about asking….
Post # 3
Once you get a final headcount nailed down, you can use this as an opportunity to confirm that they have reserved.
I would restrict the RD to immediate family (brothers/sisters/mom/dad) and the wedding party only. This elimates guest jealousy. As for the invites, I’m not even doing a formal invite for ours. Just word of mouth. I’ll probably send out a reminder e-mail the week of.
Post # 4
Well as for all of the logistics stuff, I would have your FI ask his parents. As for OOT guest, if they are inviting them to the RD, then they should include your OOT guests too. Otherwise it would be rude. I’m not sure if your parents are paying for the wedding, but it would be like you get to invite your family, and your Fi doesn’t get to invite anyone, because youre parents are paying for it.
However, if the majority of your guests are going to OOT, from both sides, I think the more reasonable thing to do would be to offer up some options to them as OOT guests, like cool places to have dinner, or local attractions. I am a big supporter of inviting OOT guests to the RD. But if that means having a wedding reception the day before the wedding, I would try to show my appreciation for their extra efforts to come, in a different way.
Post # 5
My husband and I got to pick out the restaurant and make the guest list for our rehearsal dinner. My MIL took care of everything else. I really wanted a hand in the invites and such, but since it kept her occupied and not messing with the wedding, I just let her do it her way. There were MANY things that I would have changed if I had some say in it! Anyway, we did not have a whole lot of OOT guest. We invited only those people directly involved with the ceremony and their SO/children and the grandparents.
Post # 6
Let me just say one thing about the OOT guests getting an invite to the RD – for a wedding I attended earlier this month, my friend and I were OOT guests, as were a bunch of our other friends from college invited to the wedding. Three of them were GMs but the rest were just guests. There were about 15 OOT guests who were friends of ours that got invited to the RD and we didn’t and we thought it was weird and were a little put off by it. I mean, I didn’t expect to be invited to it, but when I found out that so many others were I was a little offended. So, as far as OOT guests go, either go all or nothing (by "nothing" I mean family) because it kind of made me and my friend feel like we were 2nd class guests.