(Closed) Rehearsal dinner…DUTCH TREAT??

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve never heard of going dutch at a rehearsal dinner…..

Can you guys afford it , since it isn’t a lot of people? or skip it all together and go simple like a pizza party. Its your choice. I understand she has put a lot of money into your wedding so she is probably look at things from a different perspective

Post # 5
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@abnorris: She’s the one who’s being tacky. Absolutely do not allow her to make people pay at a party she is hosting.

You can 1) drop the rehearsal altogether or 2) find a way to finance a pizza party, backyard BBQ, or other inexpensive dinner. Does the church have a room or hall you could rent? Rehearsal dinners don’t have to be fancy at all. But you can’t have people paying for themselves.

Post # 6
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think asking people to pay to attend the rehersal dinner is in good taste.  The rehersal dinner is supposed to be a thank you to your attendants for coming out to reherse for your event.

That said, it isn’t really FI’s family responsibility to pay for it.  It is traditional yes, but it should be offered, not assumed.

You and FI have to find a way to pay for it, if FI’s family isn’t offering.  It can be cake and punch vs. a full dinner.

Post # 7
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Asking people to drive an hour to a reheasel dinner and THEN asking them to pay is ridiculous. This dutch treat is bs that your FMIL needs to stop trying to insist upon.

Have a fun pizza party. Or make your own pizza at home and have a small get together there. I bet you can do it for under $100 (if it’s a small party); not including alcohol. 

Don’t be bullied by your FMIL. Put your foot down and figure out another option that doesn’t involve your friends/family paying for their own food. 

Post # 9
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Pizza is tacky but dutch treat is not? lol Crazy woman. Pay for everyone else’s pizza, but make her pay if she wants to eat! ;P  I always love a pizza party! It’s so much more casual and laid back, just what you’ll need to relax before the busy wedding day!

Post # 10
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Pizza is my favorite food and I would be SO EXCITED to come to your rehearsal dinner!

Post # 11
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree! I would NOM NOM NOM on pizza alllllll day if I could. Im sorry youre having to deal with this so close to your wedding!

Post # 12
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Pizza is totally the way to go on this one. If you need to save even more money on it, you could even make your own. Jiffy’s pizza crust mix is fifty cents each, and then if you can find Dei Fratelli sauce, it’s delicious and only a dollar, plus, there’s enough in there for two pizzas. It works out to be $2.50 per pizza depening on cheese (I get mine at Aldis). Anyway, add a tablespoon of basil and oregano to the sauce and sprinkle basil on the cheese, and you’ve got an incredibly cheap semi-homemade pizza :).

Post # 13
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Don’t you just love the FMIL drama! I think she knows how tacky she is being and is just acting out. You don’t get to be her age without learning something about social niceties. Ignore it and do the pizza party thing. She probably will have more to say about it but  just ignore it or if you are really brave print out etiquette rules to hand to her. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I guess this her subtle way of saying she can’t afford to pay for it now? Pizza is tacky and asking your wedding party to pay their own meal is not??

Yes, I would say you have to find a way to go super cheap or is there way to do a at home meal type of thing?

Post # 15
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I agree with the other ladies. Dutch treat is tacky for a rehearsal dinner. If you can’t afford to pay for them yourself, maybe you could have them over to your house for a cook out or something like that? Buying the food for that wouldn’t cost as much as buying whole meals at a restaurant. Or just buy pizzas and have an informal dinner at your house.

Post # 16
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

OK as a guest I wouldn’t mind paying for the rehearsal dinner. I’d rather pay than not have one. I’ve never heard of it though.

Next time she mentions it you should say that she offered to host it. Going dutch is not hosting the rehearsal dinner! Maybe you could as your FI’s dad and step mom for advice? What did they want to do?

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