Post # 1
So..my FMIL decides to drop on us, less than a month before the wedding, that we will do a “dutch treat” rehearsal dinner. I had to google the term, but it basically means everyone pays for themselves. My parents are dropping major bucks on our wedding, and feeding her entire family, but she refuses to pay for their dinner? I would understand if I had a huge bridal party, but I only have 2 bridesmaids (my sister and her daughter.) I told her that I didn’t really think it was right to ask the bridal party to drive over an hour to rehearse, and then buy their own dinner. I suggested just doing something very casual, like pizza, and she told me she thought that was the tackiest thing ever..and if we wanted that then we (my FH and I) needed to pay for it.
Pizza is tacky? But asking people to pay for their own isn’t? UGH!! I have had so much drama with her..and on top of it all she has invited herself to get ready with me the day of the wedding. LORD GIVE ME PATIENCE!
I’m so upset right now…do I have a reason to be? Is a dutch treat common?
Post # 3
I’ve never heard of going dutch at a rehearsal dinner…..
Can you guys afford it , since it isn’t a lot of people? or skip it all together and go simple like a pizza party. Its your choice. I understand she has put a lot of money into your wedding so she is probably look at things from a different perspective
Post # 4
We can’t really afford it, having a hard time making ends meet as it is. My parents have really gone on all out on this, and my mother tells me she will handle it if his mother doesn’t. It just really upsets me though. His parents are divorced and remarried, and neither of them have contributed all that much…I would understand if they couldn’t contribute, but they can. I felt like it was rude when she told us to pay for it ourselves if we wanted something tacky like a pizza party.
Post # 5
@abnorris: She’s the one who’s being tacky. Absolutely do not allow her to make people pay at a party she is hosting.
You can 1) drop the rehearsal altogether or 2) find a way to finance a pizza party, backyard BBQ, or other inexpensive dinner. Does the church have a room or hall you could rent? Rehearsal dinners don’t have to be fancy at all. But you can’t have people paying for themselves.
Post # 6
I don’t think asking people to pay to attend the rehersal dinner is in good taste. The rehersal dinner is supposed to be a thank you to your attendants for coming out to reherse for your event.
That said, it isn’t really FI’s family responsibility to pay for it. It is traditional yes, but it should be offered, not assumed.
You and FI have to find a way to pay for it, if FI’s family isn’t offering. It can be cake and punch vs. a full dinner.
Post # 7
Asking people to drive an hour to a reheasel dinner and THEN asking them to pay is ridiculous. This dutch treat is bs that your FMIL needs to stop trying to insist upon.
Have a fun pizza party. Or make your own pizza at home and have a small get together there. I bet you can do it for under $100 (if it’s a small party); not including alcohol.
Don’t be bullied by your FMIL. Put your foot down and figure out another option that doesn’t involve your friends/family paying for their own food.
Post # 8
Thanks ladies! I know it’s not required that they pay for the dinner, but she was all excited about a rehearsal dinner at the beginning. Originally, she wanted to have it an hour away from the church we are getting married at (in her hometown.) So, I think she just may be upset we aren’t getting married closer to her and has decided not to do it. It’s a bit late to be throwing the dutch treat thing out there….but we are going to do a casual pizza and beer..I don’t care if she thinks it’s tacky, I think we will have a great time.
Post # 9
Pizza is tacky but dutch treat is not? lol Crazy woman. Pay for everyone else’s pizza, but make her pay if she wants to eat! ;P I always love a pizza party! It’s so much more casual and laid back, just what you’ll need to relax before the busy wedding day!
Post # 10
Pizza is my favorite food and I would be SO EXCITED to come to your rehearsal dinner!
Post # 11
I agree! I would NOM NOM NOM on pizza alllllll day if I could. Im sorry youre having to deal with this so close to your wedding!
Post # 12
Pizza is totally the way to go on this one. If you need to save even more money on it, you could even make your own. Jiffy’s pizza crust mix is fifty cents each, and then if you can find Dei Fratelli sauce, it’s delicious and only a dollar, plus, there’s enough in there for two pizzas. It works out to be $2.50 per pizza depening on cheese (I get mine at Aldis). Anyway, add a tablespoon of basil and oregano to the sauce and sprinkle basil on the cheese, and you’ve got an incredibly cheap semi-homemade pizza :).
Post # 13
Don’t you just love the FMIL drama! I think she knows how tacky she is being and is just acting out. You don’t get to be her age without learning something about social niceties. Ignore it and do the pizza party thing. She probably will have more to say about it but just ignore it or if you are really brave print out etiquette rules to hand to her. Good luck!
Post # 14
I guess this her subtle way of saying she can’t afford to pay for it now? Pizza is tacky and asking your wedding party to pay their own meal is not??
Yes, I would say you have to find a way to go super cheap or is there way to do a at home meal type of thing?
Post # 15
I agree with the other ladies. Dutch treat is tacky for a rehearsal dinner. If you can’t afford to pay for them yourself, maybe you could have them over to your house for a cook out or something like that? Buying the food for that wouldn’t cost as much as buying whole meals at a restaurant. Or just buy pizzas and have an informal dinner at your house.
Post # 16
OK as a guest I wouldn’t mind paying for the rehearsal dinner. I’d rather pay than not have one. I’ve never heard of it though.
Next time she mentions it you should say that she offered to host it. Going dutch is not hosting the rehearsal dinner! Maybe you could as your FI’s dad and step mom for advice? What did they want to do?