Rehearsal Dinner+tight budget=asking wedding party to pay for their guests?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

msfreemis:  OMG really?? RUDE! You need to find a better option, because that is simply tacky.


Post # 3
47 posts

Dont have a rehearsal dinner if you cant afford it. There is no need. Either find a way to host everyone, or just do something small as a TY for your bridal party, but DO NOT ask them to pay for their guests to a dinner YOU plan.


Bad Idea.

Post # 4
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I agree with the previous posters that you shouldn’t ask them to do that. Maybe don’t have guests or do something simple. Like we’re hosting a barbecue at our home. We’ve bought the supplies from costco and for 45 guests it’s $300 including wine and cider for drinks (we make our own). 

Post # 5
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would just choose a cheaper dinner option so that you can afford to cover everyone’s dinner. I think it would be awkward to pay for some guests (wedding party) and not for others (their significant others). 

Post # 6
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

What do you mean by additional guests?  Do they want to bring friends?  If you mean their spouses and significant others, then no, you need to host a dinner you can afford.

Post # 7
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

msfreemis:  I know it’s tough when you want to do something but the money is almost–but not–there. :/ Be prepared for the feedback you’ll get on this.

To answer your question: yeah it’s absolutely rude. Do NOT ask your wedding party to host your guests. No matter who they came with, if you are hosting the dinner then they’re your guest. Instead of a rehearsal dinner which is completely unnecessary, why not have heavy appetizers and limited beverages at the rehearsal site? 


Take only the wedding party out. No guests, just you guys and your BMs/GM. Not even as a rehearsal dinner–take the BP out for a luncheon prior to rehearsal, no extra people. Then everyone can go to the wedding venue, rehearse, and call it a night.

Post # 8
80 posts
Worker bee

Host the rehearsal dinner you can afford.  If that means you host a dinner party at home, fine.  If it means you have the rehearsal and buy everyone a round of drinks at a local bar, cool.  If it means you send your guests home from the rehearsal with a cupcake, no problem.  Asking your bridal party to pay for “their” guests (who I might remind you are YOUR guests) is in no way even a little bit acceptable.  If you did this to me, I would be utterly appalled.  

Post # 9
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Order pizza and beer and have them to your home. Or go somewhere cheap and delicious. Or literally any other solution other than having your guests pay for themselves. Yikes.

Post # 10
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

msfreemis: Why not have a catered meal to your home or hotel suite? Or cover a food truck meal? It’s reasonable even for a tight budget. 

Post # 11
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You do not ask them to pay for themselves. Like PP said – just order in pizza and beer if you’re on a tight budget. The dinner is a way to honor the bridal party and their S/O’s for being a part of your day. Do not punish them by making them pay for their own food. We’re paying for our wedding ourselves so that’s not a good enough excuse not to be a good host. 

Post # 12
7940 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Theyre +1s are your guests. Definitely dont do that!

Just have a rehearsal backyard bbq or at a dinner at a cheaper place, or not at all. It would be really rude to your wedding party and their dates to just select who is a guest, vs who you will be treating like party-crashing clingers. Literally the oppositie of the spirit of hospitality.

Post # 13
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Order pizza and bring beer. Have a cheaper dinner. I cannot think of anything tackier than paying for some guests, then asking for them to cover the costs of the rest.

Post # 15
20 posts

I realize you want to cut costs, but this isn’t where you do it. If it means getting a keg & pizzas…then do that. Making your wedding party pay for their significant other, is like telling them to “F off.” Sorry to be so blunt, but making them do that is beyond rude. Sacrifice the wedding favors, before even making the suggestion. If someone said that to me, I’d boycott the wedding, even if it was a relative.

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