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I'd go with a more casual option - you're going to have the big formal dinner the next night/soon after anyway, right?
And it's always nice to include their SOs, as far as I'm concerned weddings are a celebration of love so the more love in the room the better :)
That said, if you can't afford it or have already booked/paid for the rehearsal dinner venue, tell your bridal party what's going on and I'm sure they'll understand.
I am inviting my wedding party and the SO's, weather they be dates or hisbands/wives. In a few cases children may even come along depending on what venue we end up choosing.
We did think about inviting all the OOT-ers but most of that will be my family and they will have other things to do so I'm not too worried about it. We don't want to go overboard on the guest list as is.
genevieve.jpg (22.5 KB, 141 downloads) 3 years old
We did the casual thing...REALLY casual. We invited all of our wedding party, any SO's, OOT guests, our officiant, our immediate families to a BBQ at my inlaws following our rehearsal. It was nice for people to be able to catch up with those they may have not seen in a long time, and for my husband and I to relax. All in all, I think we had about 30 people, which may seem extreme, but it was great!
That being said, I vote for the casual thing. We thought about Mexican too, and I think you could make it really special!!!
While I'd LOVE to invite all the OOT guests to the rehersal dinner, they make up 90% of our guestlist! So that's not gonna happen!
If you can afford it, adding eight more people to a casual dinner (BBQ/Mexican/whatever) isn't that much more expensive, moneywise. I think its a really nice gesture to invite the SOs of your bridal party. :)
Thank you everyone for your input! FI and I hadn't thought of doing a BBQ or a casual get together at someone's house...both great ideas. I think we're going to go that route so we can invite everyone, rather than doing the fancy, formal rehearsal dinner. Thanks again!
fi and i are inviting the immediate families and the wedding party and their significant others. we'll have around 30-35 people and we're paying for the whole wedding ourselves too. we're going for something more casual - beer and steak tips. :)
Is it standard (expected) to invite the officiant? We don't know ours outside of the one meeting we had with him before we booked him...
We invited our officiant, even though we had only met once, and while she didn't end up coming, it was just our way of showing her that we wanted her to be as big a part of our day as possible, a little nice Thank You for all she had done (we booked her on short notice after our first one bailed on us...very stressful). We also invited her to our dinner at the reception, again she opted not, but it was just the thought I suppose.
Thanks for the reply, ambsLS. A couple of other things about our situation - our officiant is also the town mayor (he charges the same price as anyone else so we thought, why not?!); I'm not sure if that makes him more likely to accept or decline our invitations. He's obviously busy though, as his wife seems to handle all the nitty gritty leading up to the rehearsal/ceremony. Also, we have to pay extra for him to be at the rehearsal. I haven't talked to FI about it so I don't know what he thinks.
Our rehearsal dinner is likely to just be at a large Chinese restaurant, so I guess it wouldn't cost a whole lot to include them, if they accepted. It does seem like a nice gesture, especially since it's no secret that everyone goes to the dinner right after the rehearsal. Hmmm...
I would invite SOs of the wedding party. In fact, I'm currently embroiled in a heated discussion with my FFIL over this. He doesn't see the courtesy in inviting them, especially because everyone is going to be OOT. What are the dates supposed to do? Just eat at McDonald's by themselves?
Because probably 90% of our guests are going to be OOT also, we're going to have a sort of dessert reception at my parents' house that everyone can come too. That way I can see my other, non-wedding party friends and my relatives who have travelled. I mean, they came to see me, and I want to spend time with them.
kleverkira...when my FI was the best man in a wedding, the SO's of the wedding party were not invited and we all felt very slighted, and it was only pizza and beer (which my FI ended up paying for!)
I was ok with it since we were only boyfriend/girlfriend at the time (altough living together), but to not invite someone's husband/wife/fiance is generally considered very poor etiquette.
902bk.jpg (45.7 KB, 142 downloads) 3 years old
mtyf, we also had to pay extra for our minister to attend our rehearsal, and to rent the event space for the evening. We decided to have the rehearsal in the back room of a restaurant instead. Of course, we only had a MOH and BM, so there wasn't too much "staging" to worry about. But we did have the minister there. It was worth the piece of mind to have someone to keep us on track, plus I think it helped our parents/grandparents feel better about the order of things, etc.
guinness,
That's exactly my point. FFIL says, "I'm paying; I get to choose who is invited." Well, my MOH's boyfriend of 5 years will also be at the wedding from OOT, and I just can't imagine saying, "Sorry. Figure something out on your own."
And we will also be having our priest (and his wife, if I have my way with the FFIL) at our rehearsal dinner since we're very close to them.
FI and I just had this discussion.. we argued a little about OOT guests, but the issue is that 80% of our guests are OOT. I think it is silly to have Wedding Part I (rehearsal dinner) and Wedding Part II (actual wedding) which would be the case if we invited all OOT guests. We decided to cut OOT people, and stick to parents, g-parents, bridal party + SOs, which BTW still equals 30 people.
kleverkira, your FFIL does have a point if he is paying for it. Can you offer to pay for or go halfsies with him for those SO's that are in question?
I also just had this discussion with FI - we're inviting the SOs based on our own experience. I was an out-of-town bridesmaid once, and I think I would have complained if my (FI now, boyfriend at the time) was not invited. He didn't know anyone else there so I'm glad he was able to come along.
kleverkira, good luck with the FFIL! Maybe having your FI have the discussion instead of you might help? The mother of the groom from the wedding I mentioned is generally not a very nice person, and she just ended up looking really cheap and rude for not inviting us (but allowing her daughter to bring her BF of about 3 months.)
Sometimes I am amazed that what I thought was generally well understood and accepted, like inviting the wedding party's SOs, is completely foreign to some people.
Luckily both my mom and FMIL are of the school of thought that if you also invited the parents of your wedding party to the wedding, they should be invited to the reheresal too. We talked them out of it and are down to about 25 or 30.
Wow, I didn't expect so many responses, but thanks everyone for your input. So we are going to invite SOs and babies/kids to the rehearsal dinner, but let me ask....for those of you that are inviting SOs to the rehearsal dinner, are they coming to the rehearsal too?
Just wondering because I can't quite picture what they would do, besides sit in the back and wait for dinner. All of our wedding party members are local and the SOs would most likely chill at home with their kids if they weren't going to the rehearsal. Most likely we'll just invite them to the rehearsal too, since we'll be going straight to dinner, but just wanted to get some thoughts on this.
Due to some other issues with the FFIL, FH and I are actually going to absolve him from being involved with the wedding. It has just been too difficult and stressful to deal with him, and FH has actually been dealing with him more than I have. We had a disastrous Christmas when we went up to visit FFIL and FH's step-family, so we're going to limit FFIL's involvement in the wedding weekend.
It would be his prerogative to say who can and can't come since he is paying IF money was an issue for him, but it's not and he would most likely invite his brother, sister and best friend even though he told my parents and FH's mother that they couldn't invite other family. Not to mention that we have asked him for no money at all. FH put himself through college and now medical school. FH's half-brother got a Wii for Christmas. FH got a baseball hat and a pair of gloves. And the finances aren't the half of it. What really bothers me is FFIL's complete lack of respect for his son. (Sorry, can you tell I'm worked up about this?)
I've offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but I doubt my parents will let me. It will just be better to do pizza and beer at a place right near the church and invite everyone we want to (wedding party, their SO's, immediate family minus FFIL and family, officiant and wife) and then have the dessert reception at my parents' house as mentioned above.
Again, I didn't mean to turn this into a rant about my jerky FFIL. Sorry!
Peaches...at weddings my FH was in, the SOs and I would go to the rehersal and either take pictures (which the bride loved so she didn't have to worry about it and still got good pics) or just hang out as they were usually under 20 minutes or so.
hi! I'm a new poster and I hope it's ok that I bump this.
I'm in a wedding in a few months and was recently told that the bridal party will not be invited to the rehearsal dinner- just immediate and extended family.
It seems awkward that we'll be the ones actually rehearsing but then we have to go home. What do you all think?
I don't think you should feel obligated to invite all of the OOT's to the rehersal dinner, but you should definietly invite the bridal party members to attend with their significant others. If you decide not to, don't be surprised if they decide not to stay for the dinner themselves. If it were me, and my Finace and I were in from out of town for a wedding (that I was in) and he was not invited to the rehersal dinner, I would only attend the rehersal.
BTW, I'm now officially dreading discussuing/planning the rehersal dinner w/ my FIL's......
With so many details before a big wedding, a casual dinner might be a nice reprieve
Hyancinthgirl - if they're not going to include the wedding party, then I don't think they should call it a rehearsal dinner! Maybe something like "Family Dinner After the Rehearsal, Not to Include Everyone Actually Rehearsing." That's just odd, IMO. If its a money issue, they should default to inviting the wedding party rather than the extended family. If I was you, I would organize the rest of the GMs and BMs and go have your own dinner after the rehearsal. Maybe the next day when they hear how much fun you all had without them, they'll figure out what jerks they were.
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FI and I were having a discussion about the rehearsal dinner and who to invite. So far, we're planning on having our immediate families, the officiant and the wedding party present. The part we're not sure about are the spouses/significant others. For your rehearsal dinners, are you planning to invite the spouses/SO's of your bridesmaids and groomsmen? What is the proper thing to do? We are friends with our wedding party members' SOs and don't mind inviting them--it would be fun. The thing is, we are also paying for our wedding ourselves, including the rehearsal dinner. Inviting everyone would = about 28 people, including five out-of-town relatives...as opposed to just having 20 people. We could invite everyone and go casual on the dinner (ie Mexican food) or just stick with wedding party, immed family, officiant and have a nicer dinner (ie Italian). What are your thoughts/suggestions?
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