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Sorry... LOL
These two just irk me. If I could kick him out and uninvite both, I'd be a happy girl.
My wedding and the wedding I was in before that both allowed people involved to bring their significant others. I don't see how telling people not to bring their significant others, people special to them, makes it more special to you. I personally would probably be offended. As for the specific girl, I think if you do allow significannt others, you will have plenty of other things going on and wouldn't have to pay any attention to her.
Maybe its just me but I would never ask to bring a SO to a wedding rehearsal. Wedding, maybe, probably even. I just think there will be enough going on and he won't be focusing completely on her so whats the point? It should be an hour or so long so why can't she just stay home?
I think it depends on where everything is taking place - does everyone live locally? In that case I think it's fine if you don't invite her, as long as like you said it's the same for everyone. Just cite size, cost, or role in the wedding. Most of my wedding party is OOT so I will be inviting SOs. Since they all have to travel and it's likely they will travel with their SOs, it seems wrong to make the SOs hang by themselves at the hotel during the rehearsal dinner. But if that's not the case, then go for it!
I understand not wanting her specifically to be there, but like you said- it'll only be an hour or so. Personally, I think its rather rude to not invite an SO to anything unless its a one on one activity. For dinner, for a general party, for a rehearsal dinner, for a wedding. I would be quite offended if I was invited to something and told not to bring my fiance.
Etiquette says that you have to invite your GM and his wife to the rehearsal dinner. You could probably say that you don't want anyone extra at the rehearsal itself.
I think it's rude to not invite the spouse of a person in the wedding party. If that happened to be I would be rather upset. I could understand if it were a non serious relationship, but they're married.
In my circles, it's very much the norm to invite the wedding party's significant others to both the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
Sorry- the etiquette books say SO of the wedding party are invited to the rehearsal dinner.
I've only been in one wedding, granted, but SOs were a part of the rehearsal and the dinner (they stood to the side during the rehearsal, obvs). I figured that was common practice and anticipated inviting the SOs of our wedding party to the dinner as well?
If you really don't like her, I suppose you can disinvite... but honestly I think you'd be creating more drama for yourself than it's worth. Either steer clear of her the whole night or simply "bean dip" if she says anything rude -- i.e., "That's interesting. Could you pass the bean dip?" or if she makes a rude comment/say you should do something you never would, simply respond, "Why would I want to do that?" and walk away. Don't instigate, and don't allow her to get under your skin.
It's just one night, and I'm sure you'll have way too much fun with everyone else to even notice she's there.
I'd say that it's polite to invite SOs along, espcially if they need to travel for your wedding. The couple either needs to drive/fly separate or leave one sitting in the hotel room for the evening...no fun. If everyone is local, though, then maybe you can get away with it to avoid her, but I generally assume SOs are invited along to these types of events.
@MissBananaBread: Etiquette says that you have to invite your GM and his wife to the rehearsal dinner. You could probably say that you don't want anyone extra at the rehearsal itself.
This!
She sounds like a witch, but I think since she his wife, it would be rude just seat her far away from you?
Sorry, but I have to agree with the others. I don't think it's appropriate to not invite SOs (especially married ones) to rehearsal dinners. *Maybe* the rehearsal itself, but I think that would be kind of odd transitioning between the two if you don't invite everyone to both.
Honestly, it really sucks that these people are involved in your wedding, but this is something you & your future husband have to deal with. He's the one choosing to have these people involved in his life, and by trying to close the wife out of things when he wants husband involved, you're making yourself look bad. Just be the bigger person here and try to ignore her. I wish I could give you the advice you'd prefer, but I just don't see a way for you to work this out while still being a polite, tactful lady :)
(And, trust me, I TOTALLY get not wanting a huge rehearsal dinner. We have 5 BMs, 5 GM, 4 parents, 2 gparents, 4 aunts/uncles, a handful of associated kids...that's all before the SOs are invited. I had originally invisioned a small, intimate gathering, but no way am I going to ask the people who've sacrificed time & energy on me to come without their other halves.)
I have never been to RD where I was not allowed to accompany my SO, or bring them.. I would be pretty offended.
I think it would be alright not to have her at the rehearsal but she should definitely be invited to the rehearsal dinner if you're having one.
K, let me just clarify this is for the REHEARSAL, not the dinner. We don't have anything planned for a dinner yet and I would not specify no SOs to a rehearsal dinner.
Not all of our wedding party is local but these 2 are so I really don't see a point in her being there.
Maybe I just need to make myself more obvious in the next couple months that I don't appreciate her meddling or "offering opinions".
For the record, FI is not impressed with this guy either and has even said this past weekend that they're not friends like they used to be, that he kind of wishes he didn't have this guy in the wedding party but that its too late now.
@KarenA: boys are stupid. maybe he was asking about the rehearsal dinner, but didn't clarify "dinner"?
oh! The rehearsal part? I guess she could rehearse standing up and sitting down. LOL
I think the easiest thing to do is invite her. Then forget about her.
We invited all bridal party spouses to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Not all came, but some did. I just thought it was nice to do.
Etiquette says that anyone involved in the rehersal and their dates are invited to a rehersal dinner. The GMs wife is not out of line in assuming she would be invited.
I think you are in the wrong by not inviting any of the dates of the bridal party. (For the record, my rehersal dinner number is coming in around 35, BMs, GMs, officiant, officiant wife, parents of bride and groom, and readers, plus all their dates.)
ETA: In all the weddings I've been to, the dates came to the rehersa. They stand off to the side and keep to themselves, but they are there.
Couples who are married, engaged or living together are considered -- from an etiquette perspective -- to be a social unit. Because of this, you should definitely include the spouses, fiancees, and SOs sharing the same address of anyone who is invited to your wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
IDK, I wouldn't call this Bridezilla exactly, but is she local? What is she supposed to do while her man is at the rehearsal? Would they have to do separate cars? Extra trip for him?
We're opening our rehearsal to anyone invited to the dinner for the reasons listed above, I'm just not sure why anyone not involved in the ceremony would want to take off work and sit there for an hour.
Every wedding I've been in has had the bridal party and dates at the rehearsal and dinner. During the rehearsal, the dates just sit quietly - it really doesn't last that long - and then we all sort of caravanned to the dinner. I would find it odd if SOs were not invited to the rehearsal night, and my bridal party's dates will be invited to mine.
.....a bbq for wedding party where we did not invite significant others and my bridal shower that I made a point not to invite her
wow - i dont know if you are being bridezilla but you are being very rude
a bbq where you didnt invite spouses? specifically excluding people? you must have some very good friends biting their tongues. although its your party your dime i think you need to put yourself in their position and wonder how it would feel if you were excluded on purpose and if your actions as a host are polite
Clearly a LOT of people missed that this is about the actual REHERSAL and has ABSOLUTLY NOYHING to do with a dinner of any kind.
If she makes you uncomfortable make it clear she is not welcome/along with all other SO.
An IMHO if you dont like her this much and FI dosent care to talk to him you can alway eliminate him from you WP as long as you realize it is a friend ending move. But it sounds to me like neither of you would mind,
We are not inviting SO to our rehersal. We are having them at the dinner but there is over a hour between rehersal and dinner.
@eloping: we didn't make it a point to not invite SOs to the bbq, it just happened that no one brought SOs and no one asked. They weren't specifically left out for any reason and had anyone asked, they would have been more than welcome. i only treat people the way they treat me. very few of my friends have met this woman and the ones who have understand where i'm coming from. i did not invite her to my shower because i was not invited to hers and after him asking me how much I spent on their wedding gift so he can make sure to not spend more on ours (his words) I don't want the drama.
@ms.meowerson: well, he isn't the brightest crayon in the box but I did tell him that it wouldn't be exciting for her to be there since we'll all be busy and no one else is bringing anyone and his response was "she likes this kind of crap."
@atalante: my thoughts exactly. why take an hour off work to sit there alone doing nothing while everyone else is busy? she doesn't know most of our friends, she seriously does make me uncomfortable (we were actually planning a destination wedding in the beginning to avoid having them come to the wedding - they wouldn't be able to afford it, he has said so himself) so i just don't understand why she needs to be there. not all of the wedding party are local but these 2 are. if we were to have a rehearsal dinner immediately following the rehearsal, then whatever. come to the rehearsal. but i don't see the point in her coming out just to observe our rehearsal and then go home. she's not friendly with people she doesn't know so if someone else brought a SO i can't see her sitting and making idle chitchat.
I, personally, think its rude not to invite SO to the rehearsal dinner. In fact, i'd be irked if my FI wasn't invited to a wedding I was a BM in....one of my friends was at a destination wedding in FL with her now-hubby and she wasn't invited to the RH....she was pissed and I would be too.
Just to clarify AGAIN: this is not about the dinner, this is about the rehearsal only.
@KarenA: you posted yourself you didnt not invite significant others and now its no one thought to bring their SO??? i can pretty much assure you my husband doesnt simply end up at an invited bbq without me without us wondering what the heck is up with the host - you must have amazing friends
... in a horrible, cheap, tacky train wreck of a wedding .......we were actually planning a destination wedding in the beginning to avoid having them come to the wedding
you were going to plan a wedding around 2 people that you dislike this much? maybe you should just ask him to not be in the wedding if his friendship means so little to you and your FI - save yourself the next 6mths of grief and save them money for being there for you when it means so little to you
I think it will depend on whether they have to travel and what the plan for the rehearsal dinner is. If it would be unreasonable for her to get to the rehearsal dinner without having been at the rehearsal, then you need to let her come. If she lives in the area or is close to a lot of other people not going to the rehearsal but going to the dinner or the GM can get a ride to the rehearsal dinner so she can have the car and meet him there, then you're fine to not invite her to the rehearsal.
@eloping: we did not make a point to invite or not invite SOs. we sent out information through facebook with where and when the bbq was and whoever showed up, showed up. after this guy going behind our backs to call our travel agent and ask her to price out trips for 4 people so they could have their honeymoon and we could get married with them as witnesses and no other invited guests, yes I did think seriously about planning a wedding I knew they would never make it to. I can't say FI was thinking that way but I definetly was. These two are not my friends, I don't trust them as far as I can throw them and I resent him inviting her to things that have nothing to do with her.
I say to avoid the drama, just invite everyones SO. They can choose whether or not they want to go. You won't need to worry about them. I've gone with SOs to rehersal and just sat in the back. Perhaps he was also assuming it was dinner too. I don't know, but to save yourself the drama just invite all. Otherwise people may have issues with having to drop their spouse off and pick them up or take two cars.
Ummm sorry but I think spouses should be invited. Just say hello and let it go. She's not spending time thinking about you so don't spend anytime over thinking this. Just let it go.
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One of the GMs (the only one who's given me any sort of problem - documented at http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/pain-in-the-a-groomsman-ventrantwhatever) asked me on the weekend while tux shopping if he could bring his wife to our rehearsal. I know it's still 5 months away but I want to nip this in the bud asap before he, or anyone else, gets any ideas.
Normally I wouldn't care who comes to the rehearsal though I do think it should be kept to only those involved. We already have 5 BMs, 5 GMs, 2 flowergirls (one with ADHD who is a handful already), 4 parents, DOC, minister and decorator (though we probably won't have much to do with her at the time) that will be there so I don't need or want another person. This woman is not a friend of mine, she was at one point until she kicked me out of her wedding party and I had to find out from a GM, she couldn't be bothered to tell me herself. She has offered "her opinion since she got married last year" - in a horrible, cheap, tacky train wreck of a wedding - which is aka "unsolicited advice." She has found a way to worm into other events like a bbq for wedding party where we did not invite significant others and my bridal shower that I made a point not to invite her to but somehow she got the info and accepted.
None of the other bridal party have asked if they can bring their partners and if they do I will be telling them the same as this GM and his wife will get. It will be yes or no for everyone, not just these two. I also don't want other people to think that because he can bring her, they can all bring someone as well. I'll have enough on the go that day that I don't need to be paying attention to 5000 other people. This day is supposed to be special, about us, and I feel having people who don't have a significant part in our wedding present will detract from that.
Am I being a bridezilla or am I right?