Rehearsal vs. rehearsal dinner

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe the ‘extras’ could stand in as guests? To give a picture of how the room will feel with bodies lining the aisle and such? Unless you really don’t want them there… then I’d give them a call and phrase it in such a way that it sounds as if you’re saving them some time, “by the way, don’t worry about coming super early for the rehearsal. I know you want to relax, so take some extra time and just meet us for dinner. We’re excited to spend time with you!”


Post # 4
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@JABride0000:  Who wants to go to the actual rehearsal?  That’s weird.  I’d politely tell them thanks for their support, but you are going to keep the rehearsal to just the parents and bridal party.

Post # 7
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@JABride0000:  I’d be careful about sending a full itinerary to everyone.  I can see people deciding to show up the rehearsal anyway.  I’d refrain from giving those only invited to the dinner any details about the actual rehersal. 

Post # 9
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @JABride0000:  first and foremost, I see this is your DEBUT POST here on WBee, so a Big Welcome to “the Hive”

Etiquette Snob here… lol (aka in a down to earth sort of way)

Ok that is strange.  But then people seem to be out of touch these days on what is and isn’t the norm / appropriate (Forwarding an Invite / Details of an “occasion” to someone else is not cool)

I am not 100% sure how you can pre-empt this before it actually happens.

Rehearsals are meant ONLY for the Bridal Party because it is a “down to business” meeting for them…

If you had a business meeting at work to go to… no one would forward the email to others to “tag along”

This is a really odd situation for me, in so much as I’ve not seen it before

And I GET WHY a Bride might not want the whole world at the Rehearsal… afterall you want to be able to concentrate on “the business at hand” as well keep some things about your Ceremony under wraps (such as the choice of music, soloist… whatever)

At this point I see it as you having two choices…

1- Send out an email to your Bridal Party and tell them that you’ve heard from others that they will be “dropping by / tagging along” to the Rehearsal.  And then make it clear to the BP that this is not appropriate… and if anyone has forwarded the details of the Rehearal onto others that they need to contact those folks and let them know… that the Rehearsal is for BP Members ONLY

But because this could sound a bit Bridezilla (even when I type it) your best bet might be this…

2- Pick someone who knows all “the players” in the Bridal Party, and have them act as your Doorman / Bouncer at the Ceremony Site… only admitting Members of the BP and those required to conduct the Rehearsal (and their SOs… as often it is ok for SOs to tag along as they may be depending on transportation from their sweetie … those can be your “fake” audience if you feel you need an audience).

Everyone else and the Doorman should be saying… “Sorry folks, but this is a CLOSED Rehearsal as per the request of the couple.  I’m sure you’ll be thrilled by the beauty of it all tomorrow at the actual Ceremony”

Gosh… who would have thought this could be a thing (Social Networking continually amazes me on how people seem to think more and more that everything is open to one and all… as if the world is now a flashmob event)

Undecided *rolls eyes*

Hope this helps,


Post # 10
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@JABride0000:  You would know your guests better than I, but I’d still worry that crazy Aunt Bertha would show up anyway and say “Oh I just wanted to sit and watch, I promise to stay out of the way.”

Post # 11
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@JABride0000:  DH’s grandma wanted to come, and he just told her flat out, ‘I’m sorry, grandma. This is for the wedding party only.”

That was rude of the people who forwarded it out.

Post # 12
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Why are people in the wedding party forwarding your rehearsal info to others? I would start making phone calls and telling people that the rehearsal itself is ONLY for those IN the processional (bridal party, parents, etc.) and that you will see them at the rehearsal dinner at [whatever time].

Post # 13
21 posts

You could always just let them observe the rehearsal.  It shouldn’t be a big deal.

Otherwise just call them and explain that you would love to spend some time with them during the dinner and only need the bridal party at the rehearsal.

Post # 14
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@JABride0000:  I guess the biggest questions is:  does it really matter if those few people attend the rehearsal?  I am letting everyone decide on thier own if spouses, etc- who are invited to dinner- want to to come to rehearsal as well.  I’m freaking out about being the center of attention- so a few extra people for practice might be good for me.


If having those few people attend the rehearsal really bother’s you that much, send an email that is polite, friendly and forward, requesting that only people who are participating in the ceremony attend the rehearsal, and sorry if there was any confusion.  Thank you.

Post # 15
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@JABride0000:  and that is why the only people that should be invited to the rehearsal dinner are the people in the wedding party.

there is no reason for people to come that are not in the wedding party.

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