I know that traditionally there's no rehearsal for a Jewish wedding since the bride and groom aren't supposed to see each other. In the case of my brother and sister-in-law, this turned the pre-ceremony time into something of a comedy of errors (including the bedeken, because I was inside the space trying to set up with the other musicians). No one told me where to be at any point that day, and this was a problem since I was both a BM and playing some of the ceremony music...
So because of that experience, and because I'm a control freak :-D, I really want things to be organized and calm the day of our wedding, even though we might have a DOC. I *especially* would like everyone involved feeling like they know what's going on and aren't just winging it. We're planning to spend the evening together the night before and have a rehearsal dinner, but the rabbi won't be there until an hour or two before the ceremony to sign the ketubah, talk through things, etc. Does anyone have any ideas of how to have a mini-rehearsal the night before? Our rehearsal dinner is going to be pretty big with many more than just wedding party and family, so I don't know if doing it in the rehearsal dinner space is ideal. Thanks in advance for your help!
When my brother and sister-in-law got married, the rehearsal was something like an hour before the ceremony and (with the help of the DOC) the ceremony went off without a hitch. Who's standing under the chuppah with you? At my bros' (and at mine coming up), just the bride, groom, parents and rabbi stood under the chuppah. With no one getting up to do any readings and with the bridal party processing then going straight to their seats in the front row, there really wasn't much choreography to the ceremony at all, so it was pretty easy.
Maybe just typing up a list of the order of things for everyone and having a little chat with all involved the evening before would set your (and their) minds at ease?
We're planning to do a quick rehearsal (without the Rabbi) on Friday afternoon and then having Shabbat dinner with just those involved in the ceremony. The Saturday before will be the uf ruf and a lunch for family and we're not having a big rehearsal dinner.
I'm sure you can just do a quick rehearsal on Friday afternoon if everyone is available, or Saturday before the rehearsal dinner. Good luck!
Thanks for the ideas! Morah, that sounds perfect and exactly what I would have wanted at my brother's wedding. Maybe I'll make a "cheat sheet" little notecard that they can keep in their pockets/purses so everyone knows their specific duties.
I'm not sure yet about the chuppah - Mr.GV's family is out of the picture, so I feel weird with just my parents being up there, but I also had imagined that our wedding party would stand during the ceremony. But now that I think about it, it would be weird for our friends to be up there and not my parents. Hmm...
Yep, our DOC is running the rehearsal for us. In fact, I'm not even sure we'll invite the officiant to the rehearsal dinner, given that she won't be running the rehearsal. That just seems strange for her to come all that way and not do the rehearsal (she doesn't do rehearsals). I would let your DOC walk you through it, if she's done a Jewish wedding before.
I feel you on the confusion about how to time things. I love the tradition of not seeing my fiance the night before the wedding, so we are going to try to have a rehearsal during the day at our ceremony site, then a rehearsal luncheon with family and out of town guests. In the evening we will separate until we see each other at our ketubbah signing the day of our wedding!
My Rabbi is not coming to my rehearsal only because he is in such high demand! I am meeting with him beforehand, we are making a play book and we will rehearse from it, Anything else you are asking for trouble! PS the tradition of not seeing a fiancee the night before is not a jewish one!
ju1244 - it's a Jewish custom (mostly only followed in Orthodox circles these days, though sometimes by others) to spend the entire week before the wedding apart. I can't imagine! But my brother and SIL, who are Orthodox, did and were "allowed" to talk on the phone and e-mail, I think. So traditionally there's no rehearsal that includes both the bride and groom... I've seen people do it with a stand-in for one of the two (usually the groom).
To GorgesViola I think we are confusing "jewish custom" "commanded to do so" in the Torah, Yes my rabbi talked to me about he and his wife being in the same room and people the whole night saying oh look this way or oh dont look that way. Sounds like a lot of fun but not going to happen for me. Anyway Orthodoxy is not the gold standard-I tell myself that almost every day.
Hi all,
I know that traditionally there's no rehearsal for a Jewish wedding since the bride and groom aren't supposed to see each other. In the case of my brother and sister-in-law, this turned the pre-ceremony time into something of a comedy of errors (including the bedeken, because I was inside the space trying to set up with the other musicians). No one told me where to be at any point that day, and this was a problem since I was both a BM and playing some of the ceremony music...
So because of that experience, and because I'm a control freak :-D, I really want things to be organized and calm the day of our wedding, even though we might have a DOC. I *especially* would like everyone involved feeling like they know what's going on and aren't just winging it. We're planning to spend the evening together the night before and have a rehearsal dinner, but the rabbi won't be there until an hour or two before the ceremony to sign the ketubah, talk through things, etc. Does anyone have any ideas of how to have a mini-rehearsal the night before? Our rehearsal dinner is going to be pretty big with many more than just wedding party and family, so I don't know if doing it in the rehearsal dinner space is ideal. Thanks in advance for your help!
posted by GorgesViola 189 posts 6 months agoWhen my brother and sister-in-law got married, the rehearsal was something like an hour before the ceremony and (with the help of the DOC) the ceremony went off without a hitch. Who's standing under the chuppah with you? At my bros' (and at mine coming up), just the bride, groom, parents and rabbi stood under the chuppah. With no one getting up to do any readings and with the bridal party processing then going straight to their seats in the front row, there really wasn't much choreography to the ceremony at all, so it was pretty easy.
Maybe just typing up a list of the order of things for everyone and having a little chat with all involved the evening before would set your (and their) minds at ease?
I feel you on the control freak thing :)
posted by morah 6 posts 6 months agoWe're planning to do a quick rehearsal (without the Rabbi) on Friday afternoon and then having Shabbat dinner with just those involved in the ceremony. The Saturday before will be the uf ruf and a lunch for family and we're not having a big rehearsal dinner.
I'm sure you can just do a quick rehearsal on Friday afternoon if everyone is available, or Saturday before the rehearsal dinner. Good luck!
posted by EK 182 posts 6 months agoThanks for the ideas! Morah, that sounds perfect and exactly what I would have wanted at my brother's wedding. Maybe I'll make a "cheat sheet" little notecard that they can keep in their pockets/purses so everyone knows their specific duties.
I'm not sure yet about the chuppah - Mr.GV's family is out of the picture, so I feel weird with just my parents being up there, but I also had imagined that our wedding party would stand during the ceremony. But now that I think about it, it would be weird for our friends to be up there and not my parents. Hmm...
posted by GorgesViola 189 posts 6 months agoThe manager at our venue (and our day of coordinator) are running the rehearsal with us! You can do a lot without the rabbi present
posted by Janna19 343 posts 6 months agoYep, our DOC is running the rehearsal for us. In fact, I'm not even sure we'll invite the officiant to the rehearsal dinner, given that she won't be running the rehearsal. That just seems strange for her to come all that way and not do the rehearsal (she doesn't do rehearsals). I would let your DOC walk you through it, if she's done a Jewish wedding before.
posted by rebecca 989 posts 6 months agoI feel you on the confusion about how to time things. I love the tradition of not seeing my fiance the night before the wedding, so we are going to try to have a rehearsal during the day at our ceremony site, then a rehearsal luncheon with family and out of town guests. In the evening we will separate until we see each other at our ketubbah signing the day of our wedding!
posted by akimbo 49 posts 6 months agoMy Rabbi is not coming to my rehearsal only because he is in such high demand! I am meeting with him beforehand, we are making a play book and we will rehearse from it, Anything else you are asking for trouble! PS the tradition of not seeing a fiancee the night before is not a jewish one!
posted by ju1244 254 posts 5 months agoju1244 - it's a Jewish custom (mostly only followed in Orthodox circles these days, though sometimes by others) to spend the entire week before the wedding apart. I can't imagine! But my brother and SIL, who are Orthodox, did and were "allowed" to talk on the phone and e-mail, I think. So traditionally there's no rehearsal that includes both the bride and groom... I've seen people do it with a stand-in for one of the two (usually the groom).
posted by GorgesViola 189 posts 5 months agoI believe it's an Ashkenazi custom to spend the week apart--Sephardim sometimes arrive at the wedding together.
posted by yiska 123 posts 5 months agoTo GorgesViola I think we are confusing "jewish custom" "commanded to do so" in the Torah, Yes my rabbi talked to me about he and his wife being in the same room and people the whole night saying oh look this way or oh dont look that way. Sounds like a lot of fun but not going to happen for me. Anyway Orthodoxy is not the gold standard-I tell myself that almost every day.
posted by ju1244 254 posts 2 months ago