(Closed) Rehersal dinner etiquette?? What are you doing for yours?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who is arranging and paying for your rehersal dinner?
    Bride & Groom : (40 votes)
    31 %
    Groom's parents (traditional) : (73 votes)
    56 %
    Bride's parents (non-traditional) : (6 votes)
    5 %
    Other. Please explain your circumstances. : (11 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    No rehearsal dinner for me…

    Post # 4
    Member
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    we paid for our own rehearsal dinner (and planned/arranged it), and our own wedding.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I don’t think your father should be the one to reach out to them.  I think that would be awkward.  I think your FI should go to his parents and say something along the lines of “Traditionally the groom’s parents plan/host the rehearsal dinner and we were just wondering if you were planning on anything”.  He needs to make it clear that it’s not expected, but you guys wanted to give them the opportunity to do so if they wanted to.  But you and your FI should be prepared to plan and pay for the event if his parents chose not to.

     

    ETA: To answer your other questions my inlaws did pay for the event.  My MIL planned it for the most part, I just helped with selecting the venue because our wedding was near where I  grew up so she wasn’t as familiar with that part of the state.  But they came to me to let me know they wanted to host, we didn’t ask.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My parents and his parents and us all contributed some cash to a “pot” that I am splitting up among the various costs. So nobody is paying for anything specific; rather everyone is paying for everything. ETA: (sorry, didn’t read your question) not sure if reaching out is a good idea. I think if they were planning to host one, they’d have offered by now.. but not sure.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    My FI’s dad is paying for the rehearsal dinner, but I am planning it. My parents are paying for the wedding and FI led his dad know that it was his responsibility to host the rehearsal dinner. I don’t think its appropriate for your dad to call you FFIL.

    Post # 8
    Member
    299 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    You should have your FI bring it up to them. Are they not doing well financially right now? That could be why they haven’t mentioned anything.

    FIs parents are paying for ours, they are also paying for my bouquet because FMIL tells me they are supposed to (OK I’m fine with that Laughing) I helped them pick out a location. I gave them a list of about 7 nearby restaurants and let them choose which one they wanted to use. FMIL keeps trying to ask me questions about what I want, but I really want nothing to do with it. I want them to plan it all. I have enough on my plate planning a wedding!

    Post # 9
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    There is always some tension between parents when there is wedding planning going on.  Your FI needs to ASK his parents what they are doing for the rehearsal dinner.  If they don’t plan on paying for the dinner, you are going to have to figure out a different way.   If you decide to pay for the dinner yourselves, I would keep that between you and the FI.  Sharing it with your parents might distrub the peace. 

    I wouldn’t want my father calling my FFIL but I do understand your father’s frustration.  If he is paying for your FI parents and guests to come to your wedding, the least your FILs could do is pay for a rehearsal dinner for their own son.

    Post # 10
    Member
    358 posts
    Helper bee

    I will likely plan the rehearsal dinner with the grooms mother if she wants. But she will more than likely be paying for it (will be the only thing she pays for). I dont think your father should be the one to have to deal with this. Have your FI talk to his mom…you dont ask your FI to talk to your dad about what he’s paying for right?

    Post # 12
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Don’t have your dad call – that’ll make for an extremly uncomfortable situation. Everyone is in different financial places, and there is no rule that you have to have a rehearsal dinner. Or that they “have” to pay. That is “tradition” but it’s not that common these days. They might not know. If anything, have your FI bring it up – but NOT your dad.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1636 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Our rehearsal falls on the  2nd night of Rosh Hashana which is amazing being that I am Jewish so we are going to have everyone come back to our condo take all the furniture out and have a huge dinner hosted by my parents and by FI and myself

    Post # 14
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Two things, first I don’t really think anyone HAS to help you with your wedding (I know you didn’t imply they did– but just stating that is my point of view). Second, just because they haven’t offered doesn’t mean they haven’t thought about it. 

    My parents offered to help us with our wedding and FI’s parents did not. We never brought it up to them because we didn’t think it was required of them to help us. We did plan on a rehearsal dinner and I have made all of the arrangements– we planned to pay for it ourselves. Over a casual conversation just this week (6 weeks from the wedding) my FI’s mom told me she was planning to pay for the rehearsal dinner. I’m still planning all the details (although I am running everything by her so she knows the costs), but she said she plans to just foot the bill on the night of. So, in the end my FI’s parents are paying for it, but we’re planning it (which is why I said “other” on your poll). 

    Post # 15
    Member
    299 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    @mrs.peters.to.be: In that case tell them to put some of that extra cash to good use and host your rehearsal dinner! Haha maybe not that wording, but your FI should definitely bring it up to them. I started bugging FI everyday to talk to his parents about ours because I didn’t want them waiting until the last minute like they usually do.

    Post # 16
    Member
    20 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Your Fiance should have a conversation with his parents about the rehersal dinner. I think your parents contacting them may complicate the wedding… Anymore I dont think the Groom’s parents have to pay but if your parents are paying for everything else it would nice of them to pick up the cost. Otherwise I would say to keep it to yourself if your FI and you end up paying so it doesnt upset your parents.

    As far as ours. My parents have contributed 2/3 of the wedding cost and my FI and I are picking up the rest. All the money is in the wedding pot and we are just paying for things as they come up.

     

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