Post # 1
Hi! I guess this an advice ediquette question.
I have recently found out more and more information about the rehersal dinner as the wedding is getting closer. Details are still very sketchy but the rehersal is appearing to be almost more formal if not more than wedding. Its frustrating to me because my in-laws have not offered to pay anything for the wedding but they see the rehersal as something to full control (tell me nothing) and make it be as elaborate as they want. I would much rather have a low key dinner, BBQ anything (both my sisters did that and it was totally fun) and have them offer to pay for something at wedding. I am out of line… I am being horrible.
Post # 3
Well, I think you are lucky that they want to give you a nice rehearsal – my future inlaws are basing their decision of where to have it on how much money they can save! I mean, our wedding is very pricey – and yes it is our choice. but to suggest some brazilian cafe for dinner than looks like an old pizza and beer joint is insulting! Aside from the fact that my stomach cannot handle most strange foods (I have digestive issues, and everyhting I eat needs to be very bland) – we have to accomodate my grandmother who is currently getting chemo, who can’t eat a lot of different foods either, plus children….I just want to tell them I will take care of it! its not that I don’t appreciate it either, I really do! its just that it is our wedding, our rehearsal, and we want what we want! Not what costs them the least amount of money possible! So, I do understand where you are coming from. You need to tell your FI to talk to them. Mine is supposed to – we’ll see!
Post # 4
I just re-read my post and needed to clarify something. Its not that I am not grateful but my parents have given me a very tight budget for my wedding and while its going to be a fabulous day that I am very happy with, I am doing a ton of work on the wedding and from the details I have heard I think the rehersal is going to be nicer and more eloborate than the wedding. I am not sure why this is bugging me but it is.
Post # 5
Talk to your fiance about it, and have him talk it through with his parents. Some families are very traditional, and only see want to pay for the rehearsal, rather than spend half the money on rehearsal and the other half on the wedding. It is your wedding, but as dreambml already stated, try to be more grateful that they are helping at all.
Also traditionally, the In-Laws when planning the rehearsal it is in their full control, from menu selection to invitations. I know it’s hard to let go when you see potential for their help to be used for the wedding itself, but why don’t you let them handle it and focus your energies on the wedding day? Let your fiance rein in his parents when necessary. I’m sure they’re planning the rehearsal in the best interest of you and your fiance.
Good luck Amy Girl!
Post # 6
First off, I know that you are very grateful for what your in-laws are doing, but I can also understand your frustration. There’s nothing as frustrating as doing your best to work within a budget, being excited about what you’re doing with so little money and then feelig one-up’d.
I’d recommend having your fiance (since it is his family and the last thing you want to be know for is that b-tch that makes trouble in the family. Trust me! Been there! Not fun!) talk with them about staying in keeping with the feel of the wedding. I’d stay away from asking them to spend any remainder of the money on the wedding (maybe they’ll decide that on their own, but it could come off all wrong). Maybe let them know that you two don’t want the wedding to feel anti-climactic after such an extravagant rehearsal.
If that doesn’t work… buy a fabulous dress and enjoy the extravagance!!! Because even though they are "in control" of the rehearsal dinner… it’s still all about the BRIDE (well, and the groom too I GUESS!) Hehe!
Good luck! And congrats on being able to create a wedding your happy with on a budget!
Post # 7
I read in a bridal magazine that it’s nice to have a completely different "feel" to the rehearsal dinner than the wedding, so maybe this isn’t that bad? I second what bonniebell says: but a fabulous dress and enjoy it!
Post # 8
Thanks guys! I appreciate the support. After talking to my wonderful parents last night I realized with there help that while it a big deal and not the ideal scenrio, it seems more of a big deal due to everything going on with them, the wedding, work, ect. Like many brides, this was the last thing I could handle and finally broke me. I appreciate your assistance. Thanks and good luck to all of you.