Post # 1
From ages 10-15 I knew a boy who was my very best friend in the whole world. It was completely platonic, there were never any romantic feelings at all. He knew me better than anyone…there was just no one else like him. However, his family moved and sadly we eventually lost touch. I have heard NOTHING from him/about him in years, over the years I searched for his name on Myspace and now Facebook and have always come up with nothing. It’s been 10 years since I last spoke to him and I have thought of him so many times.
Then today…he added me on Facebook. I could not believe my eyes. I still consider him to be the best friend I have ever had (besides Darling Husband of course). We messaged back and forth and caught up on lost time, and it was honestly like no time had passed at all (I’m obviously very excited/happy so I’m sorry if I’m gushing too much!!). He asked lots of questions about Darling Husband and our wedding so he definitely knows I’m married and unavailable. And…get this: he is living only an HOUR away from me!
My question is…does it seem appropriate for me to rekindle a friendship with a member of the opposite sex? I’ve talked to my husband about my friend a few times in the past, but really not much because it was so long ago. I feel kind of weird bringing it up to Darling Husband because I’ve never had any close male friends during our relationship. Darling Husband has never said that it would be a problem, it’s just never happened.
I was thinking of the recent topic on this site asking if it is appropriate to start a NEW friendship with a member of the opposite sex, and many people said no. Although this is not technically a new friendship, it kind of is to my Darling Husband since he didn’t know me or my friend during our friendship.
What do you think?
Post # 3
It’s completely fine. Just because you are married doesn’t mean that your friendships are now limited to one gender.
Post # 4
I think as long as all partied involved, you, your husband, and your friend, are expecting a platonic relationship then it’s fine. I have male friends, and my Fiance does not care. He knows neither I nor my friends will ever cross any lines. However, if you think there could be a possibility of any romance or crushes developing, I wouldn’t even bother. It’s not worth the potential drama and heartache to open that door.
Post # 5
Nope. You tell the hubby and you’re all good.
Post # 6
@Miss Sorbet: Nothing wrong here. The friend is totally in the know about your marital status since he asked you questions, and you happily answered them. Since you said your Darling Husband has heard childhood stories about this friend, just tell him quickly about your recent FB friend add, and ask him if he’d like to meet him sometime. Just be up front, invite hubby so he doesn’t feel threatened, and enjoy.
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all. If anything it shows that you care for those who have played an important role in your life. I wouldn’t talk to your Darling Husband about it, you shouldn’t have to ask for permission to be friends with someone. A simple “You would not believe who contacted me on fb! It was so nice to hear from him, I would love for us to meet up with him for drinks sometime” would be plenty to get across that you only want to meet an old friend.
Post # 8
I don’t think theres anything wrong with it, I’ve done the same thing. Just don’t keep Darling Husband in the loop (: I’m happy for you that you got to catch up with a long time friend!
Post # 9
Whew…I’m so glad no one thinks it’s a bad idea! Thanks so much everyone! I am just so happy.
Post # 10
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it either since it is an old friendship. However, if you start feeling like you are doing something wrong or that you would be upset if it was the other way around, then I would rethink your friendship.
Post # 11
I had the same thing happen to me! Like, the EXACT same thing! Me and my childhood friend went out to dinner alone ONCE to catch up, Fiance knew all about it ( actually Fiance knew him from when we were little too) and from then on it was always a group thing or a double date. I admit Fiance was a little weirded out I wanted to have a dinner just me and him even though he understood I just wanted to catch up.
Post # 12
Hehe…I think you were refering to my post. I only meant it in the “meeting someone new of the opposite sex and hanging out with them instead of your spouse” kind of way though. You were just friends with the guy and never slept with him so I don’t see how it would be weird. He also knows you are married, etc. and you’ve talked to your husband about it so I think it’s ok. NOW, if you start planning to visit him for the weekend w/o your Darling Husband, I’d be worried.
Just a piece of advice though, my Darling Husband isn’t exactly in the camp of being “friends” with some old guy, so if it were me, I’d “limit” my contact so Darling Husband didn’t think I was “obsessing” about someone new or old. (:
Post # 13
If you feel weird, why don’t you bring your DH? Or, if you don’t want Darling Husband to feel left out while you and your old friend talk about old times, you could have him meet you later. Go out for dinner with this friend and then grab some beers with your Darling Husband and him!
Post # 14
Nothing wrong with this.
You have never been romantically involved, or had those feelings, so I cannot see why it could be considered inappropriate 🙂
Post # 15
I think in this case it’s fine since he’s a childhood friend and you never dated him. If your Darling Husband is ok with it, then I don’t see anything wrong with it. Congratulations on keeping in touch with such an old friend, btw. I think that’s awesome.
I don’t think anyone can throw out a general “rule” that fits every circumstance as far as opposite sex friends go. It’s a case-by-case decision, lol.
Post # 16
Oh wow.. HOW COOL IS THAT!! After 10 years you found each other again! Unreal. Catch up for sure.. No problemo. Long as you told your husband I think its awseome!