Rekindling relationship with ex-husband *Poll*

posted 6 days ago in Emotional
  • poll: Dating your ex-husband yay or nay?
    Yay : (109 votes)
    52 %
    Nay : (45 votes)
    22 %
    Too messy to even entertain the idea : (54 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    4517 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think the longer you are away from the bad stuff, the easier it is to forget it. You set the bar pretty low for him like oh he was checked out and emotionally unavailable BUT at least he’s not on drugs etc. Well whoop de do. That was not  good enough then, it sure as shit isn’t now. So what if you try again and it’s the same ? Are you going to put your son through that confusion? Imo the stakes are way too high and the result is all too predictable.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2088 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I dunno bee, it does sound like he is showing improvement in the one area you needed him too (being checked out emotionally). So I’m not gona say it’s impossible. But at the same time, I would tread extremely carefully. I would not consider getting back with him (certainly not re-marrying) unless he showed over an extended period of time that he was committed to being more emotionally supportive. 

    What does your ex say about it? Have you discussed the idea of giving it a second go? Does he even know you’re thinking about this?

    Also, what does he mean he’s been seeing you in a different light? what light was he seeing you in before?

    If you’re gonna go down this road I would DEFINITELY engage the services of a couples therapist to help you navigate it. Did you try counseling before your divorce?

    Post # 5
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I think I might know ONE person that actually got back with an ex and it worked out. They are the exception not the rule. 

    I think it’s great you are both supporting each other emotionally and mentally right now. The children have the best life when both parents can get along. That being said I don’t think you necessarily need to get back in to a relationship with each other.

    My ex has been out of my daughters life for 5 years like hasnt seen/contacted her once. His family still calls me their daughter and tells me they love me too. Again it makes it better fo the kids but not a reason to get back together.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1057 posts
    Bumble bee

    I voted “yay”. My ex and I were together since 2005 and just finalized our divorce on Monday. We don’t have any children, are late 20’s, and split for the same reasons. I, however, have moved on. While I don’t ever see us reconciling, I can understand why you would consider it. My ex was a wonderful person, but was very emotionally immature. I wish him all the very best and don’t regret the time we spent together. I know that part of the immaturity that I came to resent was part of my own doing in that instead of giving him the opportunity to step up, I just took care of a lot of things. It’s not that people can’t change, but people need the chance to change, and that’s just something I never gave him – and wasn’t able to give him. I’m not going to lie, I think that some of the things we could’ve worked out, but I had already checked out, too, and had emotionally moved on to another man who was able to give me what I needed without having to lay the ground rules for everything.  

    I think with time, understanding, and cognitive behavior therapy, people can grow out their emotional immaturities, or have new life experiences that would make them change their ways. My only suggestion would be to really sit and think of specific examples where your expectations were not met, and where and how you need them met. If you’re going to try again, then you both need to be very clear on expectations. Unmet expectations breed resentment, and resentment makes it near impossible to see clearly. I’d even consider family counseling. Rekindling the flame aside, it could be beneficial to have a third party help you as a family understand your childs needs and how to keep a routine even between different households.

    Just my two cents.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1008 posts
    Bumble bee

    I voted yay. I think there are instances when your ex is an ex for a reason, but this relationship ended mutually on good ground with no other reason than emotional connection. That connection has returned for both of you and I think it would be okay to date again. My only advice is do not rush things. It would be so easy to fall back into old habits but the key here is to take things slow and build back up. If things start to feel messy or either of you is hesitant somewhere down the line then end things before they get heated and remain friends. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    382 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016 - Beach

    Has he hinted at reconciliation? I vote ‘yay’. I don’t see an issue with taking things slow.

    Post # 12
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    If you’re going to give it a try make sure it’s because it what YOU BOTH WANT to, & NOT for the children. It NEVER works out when you do it for the children..

    That being said, I voted yes. but take it very slow. Act as if was a new relationship and get to know one another as a spouse not as your child’s parent. Don’t mention it at all to the kids, or give them any signs/clues that you guys are back together (for their own well being) 

    Post # 15
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    anonbeeeightynine :  You guys have been in a relationship before where you guys were kind of “just parents” if that makes any sense. You want to rekindle the romance. Remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place. 

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