Rekindling relationship with ex-husband *Poll*

posted 6 days ago in Emotional
  • poll: Dating your ex-husband yay or nay?
    Yay : (109 votes)
    52 %
    Nay : (45 votes)
    22 %
    Too messy to even entertain the idea : (54 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    1143 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I got back together with my ex, who is now my husband. We were together for about five months in 2008 and broke up because he moved interstate, and neither of us were really what the other person needed at that point. He made the decision, I was devastated and it took me almost a year to move on emotionally.

    I then married someone else and was reasonably happy, but never in love to the extent I was with my now husband. We re-met in 2014 after six years of no contact and immediately realised we were still in love with each other, and we’d both matured and reached a point where we could be together. I ended up getting divorced, got back together with him and we are now married and very happy. 

    It can work, but the issues that broke you up in the first place need to be resolved or they’ll just come up again. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee

    anonbeeeightynine :  I know easier said than done but what if you guys agreed on details of coparenting if this does not work out, like when should kids spend time with you and when with him, which holidays kids will be with you and which holidays with him, what his reponsibilities would be and what yours would be. Bottom line is to have clear idea/rule/agreement on who does when what. Ofcourse you wont be able to cover every situation but atleast daily/weekly situation so that you would not step on each others toes. I’m sure if both of you want to make it work you both would be okay with this. Only you are in your place and you will know the best. I hope everythign works out for you.

    Post # 51
    Member
    5449 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    anonbeeeightynine :  

    Sometimes people mature.  Perhaps the pain of divorce forced him to look inward and he learned a few things about himself.

    I would hold off on any decisions about getting back together vs not getting back together and just start couples’ therapy to get a read on where you are now and to improve your co parenting.

    It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  Let things evolve organically.  There’s no on/off switch, relationships can take a million different permutations.  Enjoy the ride.

    Post # 53
    Member
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    anonbeeeightynine :  I didn’t read all of the comments but I agree with PPs that it sounds like a good idea to move forward cautiously. There are lots of things that people do in marriages that they don’t tell their spouse about, so I would just be careful of that. When men are emotionally unavailable with their wives, a lot of times they will do other things without remorse because they don’t feel very much. There may be things you don’t know about so just make sure everything is laid out on the table before getting back together officially. Not trying to put doubt in your mind about his trustworthiness or honesty, but just saying, you can’t be too careful. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee

    It’s easy to want to rekindle things when they’re going well again.

    But things won’t always go so well. My concern would be, how would he address his emotional unavailabilty (and the ROOT CAUSE) of it, in the future? He completely gave up last time, and didn’t even try counseling. That’s a huge warning to me. That type of attitude doesn’t just go away.

    I’m not saying things can’t move forward, but make sure you don’t have rose colored glasses on. You want to be with someone you can rely on when you need them the most.

    Post # 57
    Member
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    anonbeeeightynine :  Hope all works out for you and your family! You’ll know if it’s right or not when the time comes. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    4307 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    So when he is committed to you he feels like he doesn’t have to connect with you but when you are unattached and co-parenting all of a sudden he is there and available.  I mean, what???  It’s like the marriage and commitment didn’t even mean anything to him.

    I’m a firm believer in the fact that there are other fish in the sea.  You didn’t work together in a marriage, what is going to make this time different?

    Post # 59
    Member
    4438 posts
    Honey bee

    anonbeeeightynine :  

    I can see why your are thinking this, and I don’t see why it couldn’t  work if really taken slowly and cautiously . But you don’t  mention any real  feeling for him,  which bothers me a bit .

    I mean yes, he’s way improved, but you are going to need more than that as a woman,  not just as a parent,  if you see what  I mean

    I bet you are so grateful for  help and understanding with your stressful situation with the autistic son right now  and  he should be there right in amongst it ,so that’s  good. But do  you eventually want him , as a husband, as a man in your bed, on your couch at night – as a full time partner again? 

    Post # 60
    Member
    1449 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    Don’t mean to dump water here  but I think this is a disaster waiting to happen.  It’s great that he is back to support you and your family in this difficult time but that IS his responsibility as the father, anyway.  No medals for that. I’m a firm believer in moving on after divorce and never looking back. People are afraid of the unknown and being emotionally available to someone new. Your ex is familiar and so I understand the feeling of comfort he gives but it’s better to move on  

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