Relationship appears to be dying a slow death

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about how him threatening to leave or walk out is not okay. I think if you do really truly love each other and want to make it work than you can; but he has to try to change first – before you can marry this man.

I know my DH and I have had issues in the past but we were able to grow from them and learn from them. There was even a time when I thought it was going to end as well, but we moved past it and I love him dearly and am so glad to have him as my husband. The problems that were an issue then, are not now and haven’t been since.

Working past issues like this though does take work – so he and you need to commit to that and talk about it. He needs to know he can’t ‘throw away’ your relationship just because of an argument, and that he should not turn it around on you. You need to learn how to ‘fight’ the right way…

Post # 4
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@imustconfess:  doesn’t sound like you are right for each other and I would probably move on…I hate to say it but could you possible be a fall back from his wife? He may have needed someone while life was changing and you were there for him. He may hate the idea of being alone and is therefore unable to walk away. I think this reason explains his need to say he will leave and then choose to do otherwise. 

 

If this is a relationship you want to save then I suggest communication, communication, communication! Your paths aren’t crossing and messages aren’t being recieved, something has go to give.

 

Post # 5
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

@imustconfess:  I have felt like that before.  It was awful.  I decided I did not want to live the rest of my life feeling like that. Getting away was hard, because he would get angry whenever I suggested parting ways. Fortunately,  we did not live together 🙁

Post # 6
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He sounds very insecure. The threatening leaving and getting upset when you don’t stop him, classic sign of insecurity. It sounds like he needs to do some soul searching. Figure out why he is lacking in confidence. 

Post # 7
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee

@imustconfess:  When a relationship becomes like this no matter how much you love him you need to put a fork in it…..it’s done. I’m finally in my 35th year of my life in a great, easy, trusting fantastic relationship with someone that is perfect for me. I kissed A LOT of FROGS. Any man that acts like this is not the man for you. It’s just that simple.

Post # 8
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

@imustconfess:  aw im so sorry. It is not an easy thing to admit, it took me a long time in my previous relationship to realize it was never going to be what it was.

Your SO sounds very immature. Much like my ex except that he would suck me into the drama and bull shit, where as you are smart enough to realize what he is doing when he is trying to get your attention. They can be soooo loving and amazing, but they have a whole other side that craves “passion” and the problem is passion can easily be confused. They think when you have these huge fights and they storm out and you chase after them proclaiming your love is passion, but it is unhealthy.

I hope you find what makes you happy whether that is leaving or staying.

Post # 9
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

@leisha606:  +1 to the idea of drama and passion being confused with love.

I honestly think the two of you need to completely shelve the proposal thing for a while. I can’t imagine that the added pressure of a ring and finalizing a date, dodging questions from excited relatives etc will in any way help your admittedly strained relationship.

If you are dedicated to staying then I’d suggest therapy and some honest communication. Tell him the threats need to stop immediately.

Good luck with everything. You seem like a strong independent mature woman who isn’t about to engage in childish games. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, if my SO threatened to leave me every time we got into a little spat I would never feel any sort of stability at all. I don’t think I’d ever be able to tell him anything, get upset around him, or share my feelings with him without him threatening to leave me. It’s time you have a serious talk with him because this isn’t how a relationship should work. That’s already failed him once, and it is about to again. 

Post # 11
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

It kind of sounds like he thrives off drama and that he thinks that big fights and reconsilations add up to a passionate relationship. Of course, this gets old quickly. It sounds to me that it’s really looking for some reassurance that you love him deeply, but it going about getting it all the wrong way. He obviously wanted you to be upset at the suggestion of him leaving or jealous that he hangs out with his ex. 

Maybe some relationship counciling would help? 

Post # 12
Member
2718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@imustconfess:  It sounds as if he is addicted to drama. You obviously are not. There are going to be problems until he realizes that the drama drives you away (since he likes it, he probably has no understanding of how it makes you feel)

Post # 15
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow, real love is NOT this hard or this dramatic.  Time to move on, I think.

Post # 16
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

@imustconfess:  I think you two are just very different. You want a stable,  mature, mellow relationship and he needs drama so he can get attention, and test how much you love or want him. A break probably would do you some good.

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