Post # 1
There might already be a few threads on this out there somewhere, but I’m lookin’ for some good advice/suggestions on relationship books to read. My FI and I are hitting somewhat of a rough patch only 2 months before our wedding, and I think that maybe if we read books together – taking turns, his book then my book, and so on back and forth – maybe this could help (pertaining to our particular situation).
SO! Lay ’em on me. Something along the lines of “Five Love Languages” or something about doing stuff for your partner, etc. Our problems seem to be along the lines of always feeling like we’re competing with each other for “who had the hardest day” “who does the most for the other person” or “who’s the funniest” it’s ridiculous, and made even harder by the fact that we’re long distance until the wedding so we haven’t been able to show physical affection for a while now.
Note: I’m not really looking for advice (unless it’s just like blow-your-mind fabulous), just books!! 🙂 Thanks y’all!
Post # 3
I would highly recommend 5LL, but it sounds like you’ve already read that one! FI and I hit a rough patch last summer, and that book helped us, but what really helped was a series of sessions with a couples counselor. Harder if you’re long distance, but maybe something to think about–a great counselor will be willing to help you, maybe by Skype or phone if necessary, or if you have occasional visits you can schedule sessions during those times.
One of the best tips we got from the counselor (we met with him probably 5 times) was to share one thing from the day that made us feel strongly one way or another. As we go to bed, FI and I each ask for each other’s “best thing” and what made it the best thing, and it makes us feel a little closer, since we know what affected the other person during the day. We found it was also helpful to focus on one best thing lest we get into that competition you mentioned in your post (well, my day had these five terrible things! Mine had six terrible things! My day was the best, etc., etc.)
Post # 4
Definitely Five Love Languages but you’ve got that one down already. I use that book with my clients; it’s good for ANY relationship (mother-daughter, best friends, etc.) even though the book says husband/wife.
I would also highly recommend Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch and ANY book written by John Gottman. My Marriage & Family Therapy program could not speak more highly of those books.
Post # 5
This is more of a question/answer kind of book, but it’s fun and gets you thinking about certain topics. We got 2 of these when hubby and I got engaged–he filled out one and I filled out one over the course of a few months I guess and we read our answers to each other from time to time.
Post # 6
It’s an oldy but a goody in my opinion…I SWEAR by Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Completely eye-opening!
Post # 7
When I was at the bookstore recently, I saw “We’re Married…Now What?” but I can’t remember who wrote it. There’s also “Relationship Rescue” by Dr. Phil…um…”How Well Do You Know Your (BF, GF, Fiance, Husband/Wife) books that have questions you answer and then see if you’re right. I can’t think of anymore off the top of my head.
I haven’t read the ones I mentioned, so I can’t say if they’re good reads or not. But I have 5LL and Men are from Mars, and those are excellent books~!
Post # 8
@Serpendipity:I second that! It really helps you learn how to listen & communicate with your partner.