Relationship boundaries: Fantasizing..

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Personally, I do not fantasize about other guys. It just doesn’t do it for me. I feel lucky, bc that wasn’t the case before meeting my DH. If he wants to think about other women, that’s fine with me – I just don’t want him to tell me. I want to live in my happy bubble where I’m the only woman DH wants to picture naked. Even if that’s not true, that’s fine – I just prefer to think that way. 😉

Post # 4
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I don’t. To me, DH is honestly the most attractive man I have ever seen. No need!

Post # 5
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@legenwaitforitdary:  Setting boundaries for the thoughts you have in your own head? Um… how would that be enforced?

 

Post # 6
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

@LilRhodyGem:  agreed.

If you’re having sex and he’s actually talking about the other woman he’s picturing, that, that’s effing weird.  But when we’re having sex, I feel very in the moment and don’t really have the head space to think about someone else.  

When one is masturbating, think about whoever you want, that is “you” time.

Post # 7
Member
9253 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t fantasize about other men because my husband is the most beautiful, sexy man I’ve ever known.  He’s really all I need, he fulfills me.  🙂  (Don’t gag, lol).  Not sure if he fantasizes; don’t know and don’t care.

Post # 8
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

We have agreed that we don’t care about fantasizing as long as we’d rather have sex with each other instead.  So basically it’s understandable if he or I are not in the mood than the other one can pleasure himself or myself.  Of course roleplaying is always welcomed in our relationship.

Post # 9
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think anyone should ever consider what another person thinks about on their own time.

There is no way to police it, and it’s stupid to even try. 

Post # 10
Member
4812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s super hard to put boundaries around fantasizing.  It goes into “mind police”, big brother territory for me.  My DH can think about whatever he wants and I hope that I can too!

Post # 11
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t really think about other guys, but I’m just really into my husband.  Even when I consider a celebrity to be “good looking” it’s usually because they have one or more traits that are similar to DH.  I do get the occasional girl crush though (current one is Malece Miller and I’m always in love with Cheryl Cole), but it’s not really “fantasizing.”  It’s more like an infatuation, my husband thinks it’s hilarious.  I don’t think either of us puts boundaries on fantasizing, but we’re very open about our sexual fantasies with each other. 

Post # 12
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@legenwaitforitdary:  To asnwer the question, yes, I fantasize and I do so about women. I never fantasize about guys because I find my FH quite ravishing.

Post # 13
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@legenwaitforitdary:  My thoughts are mine alone, no one gets to tell me what I can or cannot think about. I can’t fathom even attempting to tell another person what they are allowed to think about. If Fi wants to imagine he’s with some other girl while he’s masturbating, there’s nothing wrong with that. Fantasies are personal and private, if a couple are willing to explore those fantasies together then sharing is important, otherwise they stay private.

Post # 15
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@drummerbride:  <— This exactly.

Trying to put boundaries and police fantasies and thoughts is ridiculously controlling and very Big Brother like.  Personally, I think it’s quite normal to fantasize about other people.  However, I don’t think the Bee will give you a very accurate poll as the vast majority of people here are women who are engaged, about to become engaged, or recently married and thus at a super high point in their relationships.  Thus entertaining thoughts about another man or woman would be a foreign notion.

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