Relationship confusion…?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@juliana192:  I can relate a little. My last relationship was full of chaos. I mean drama to the max. I was too in love to get out i let it suck me in. I was so emotionally dependent on him I always ended up taking him back or accpeting his apologies. We fought all the time yet were inseperable.

After I had a year to be single, I met my SO. Its a little different, because i in no way question if I am settling. (im not engaged yet but I will be the luckiest woman in the world when we do!) BUT I do remember at first, feeling a little… i guess something missing. I felt like we didnt have the same passion and “need” for eachother like i did my last relationship but it was just me being so use to having drama all the time then these grand gestures to apologize/make up.

I suppose it is a transition from being in a disfunctional relationship to a healthy one. You have to let go of those unhealthy habits your last relationship had and let this one evolve drama free.

Post # 4
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I this is a really great post and can somewhat identify. I was married once before and although it wasn’t really dysfunctional it was not healthy. He was my everything. We had no social lives to speak of and only had each other. I had a few relationships after and now am recently engaged to a man who is the opposite of everything my ex husband was. He treats me like a princess. Always buying me gifts and we socialise a lot together and have a lot of fun. He is great with my little boy and makes a huge effort with him and we have a lot of family time as well as a lot of us time. Howeve we also both work long hours and have our own friends and lives. I sometimes feel that there is some connection missing. After thinking about its however I think it may be due to the fact that there is certain aspects of our lives that are separate. Quite a lot of aspects actually as we don’t live together. I think this is a good thing as we both maintain our independence and at the same time he makes me feel really secure, always asking me to join shim and his friends socialising or him and his son having family time.

Therefore really what I’m trying to say is that similar to your situation, the lack of this certain connection that I can’t put my finger on is actually the occurance of this healthy relationship that does not fulfil everyone of my needs. Because I have needs that cannot be met by one person. I need time to myself, time with friends, with my son, time for my career and family. Before all of these things were unfulfilled u less my ex husband could provide them. Now, I have a holistic life in which my fiancé plays a part, albeit a very significant part but still only a part of my life. Does that make sense?

 

Post # 6
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@juliana192:  that is great to hear! Im glad you guys can work through it together 🙂

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