Relationship of 3 years ending because of another woman. :(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

I understand you’re hurting, and i’m so sorry you have to go through this. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but listen closely: you will look back on this moment one day and be so happy that you dodged a bullet. You deserve to be first place in your future husband’s eyes and don’t need to marry someone who only sees you as a stand-in for another woman he couldn’t have.

Please don’t call A, it isn’t her fault and I’m sure she would feel awful and heartbroken if she knew what you were going through. Your ex needs some serious help to get over this woman he was never even with, but unfortunately until he does, he won’t ever find happiness in a relationship. This is his problem, not yours.

Take your time, be sad, heal and pick up the pieces of your life and I promise you will come out of this stronger. You deserve so much more than what you had with him and you will find it one day.

Sending you internet hugs!

Post # 4
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. You lost the ” love of your life” because he is an immature idot, not because of anything A did or didn’t do.

I know your heart is in pain right now and that’s ok. We need the pain to help us transition to life without the ex.

I guarantee that there will be someone else out there who will love you for who you are, not who you resemble.

Post # 5
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Melibear:  I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

But from what you’ve said, A never led your boyfriend on. He was and is delusional, and has been absolutely horrible to you in the process. She doesn’t owe you or him an apology. Her actions? You mean living her life, finding someone she loved, and then marrying him? Before she ever got engaged your boyfriend approached her and said he loved her and she said she NEVER loved him and agreed to stop contact. She didnt’ send him a STD or an invitation because your boyfriend probably creeped her the hell out. He essentially stalked her on her wedding day WHILE DRUNK. None of that is okay. I don’t know what planet your ex lives on, but it isn’t earth.

I’m really sorry you are so heartbroken, and I hope you eventually come to feel this is a blessing. You deserve someone who loves YOU, appreciates you, and isn’t hung up on some high school crush. He may have mistakes and regrets, but offloading them onto you and being nasty to you because of a girl who has nothing to do with you is horrible, and he DESERVES to be alone at this point. You deserve better.

Post # 6
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry that this has happened. No matter what A did in high school, this is 100% NOT her fault. It is completely on your ex that he held on to something like that for so long and won’t get over it. I mean hiow many crushes did you have in high school, and people you flirted with, and they aren’t calling you up now professing their love! This is completely about him.

You deserve someone who is 100% invested in YOU, who isn’t obsessed with a dream that IS NOT reality. Flat out, your ex needs some serious counseling. And I KNOW that you find someone that treats you with the love and respect you deserve

Post # 7
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@Melibear:  I’m so sorry that happened to you.  My guy has constantly let his ex influence the way he treats me.  He dated her forever and then when they broke up he found out she lied to him for years, cheated, etc.  He was so in love with her, so when he started dating me he wouldn’t ALLOW himself to fall head over heels for me like he did her, bc he was so hurt.  The byatch wanted nothing to do with him but continued to call him every month for a year.  Just to see how he was…Finally he told her to stop calling and she did. 

YOU Deserve SO MUCH BETTER.  I know everyone says that, but trust me he will see what it is like being alone and realize he lost your forever and have to live with it forever!  What a freakin ass, how dare him tell you that she was the love of his life..What are guys problems…they are always looking for the next best thing and it is Bullsh*t!  I guarentee she was just sweet to him and mysterious growing up and he convinced himself he was in love with her Over NOTHING…How could he possibly be so in love with someone that doesn’t love him back.  He is a loser and you can and will do so much better.  Go get on tinder, that app that allows you to find singles in your area…I have heard good things about it.

Post # 9
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Melibear:  I’m so sorry you’re sad and hurting.  Your ex is living in fantasy land but there’s nothing you can do except move on and try to heal from this.  Be glad he finally told you the truth.  Now you’re free and you can find your true love who will never do such a thing to you.  I know breaking up is awful, we’ve all been there, but in the long run you will look back and be so glad things ended while you’re still young.  You deserve better!

Post # 10
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m sorry you’re going through this. 

It sounds like he’s got some pretty serious issues that make him obsessed with her.  His inability to move on is not how a normal person functions.  I’m sure that from her point of view, if she knew about this, she’d think he was a crazy stalker.

 

Post # 11
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Melibear:  I totally get the impulse. Just know that neither of them matter, you deserve so much better, and YOU WILL FIND IT!

Post # 12
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh honey, I’m so sorry. As I was reading your post I couldn’t believe it. This sounds like a case of grass-is-greener syndrome gone out of control. I think it’s normal to have, er, venomous feelings towards this apparently mystical magical woman and I don’t think anyone would blame you for that. If he tries to get you back, which I have a feeling he will, think long and hard. Give yourself some time regardless to sort through your feelings. This is a horribly sucky situation, but I’d be damned if I’d play second fiddle to somebody from yeeeeears ago, so if he’s that stuck in the past you’re much better off without him (as trite as it sounds). 

Post # 13
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

@Melibear:  I think that’s a completely normal and natural reaction. You love your ex so it is easier to deflect your feelings onto her, someone you have no positive emotional connection to. Please don’t waste time being mad at yourself for it and focus on processing the situation and moving on.

Post # 14
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your relationship isn’t ending because of another woman…your relationship is ending because your boyfriend is an ass. 

Post # 15
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Like you typed, it isn’t her fault that she isn’t over him.  A has done nothing to lead him on that is not typical that he should have such an obession over her for.  Even if she flirted in high school.  If every guy I ever flirted with had an obessesion with me, I would have problems.  He needs therapy.  That personality is just not healthy. 

As for you, I would definatly look at moving on.  He seems like someone who can’t move forward with his life.  You don’t want to be stuck in the same place he is.

Post # 16
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I know you think he’s the “love of your life” but he’s made it pretty clear that he is NOT the “love of your life”.  I would imagine the real love of your life will be crazy about you, not some other girl.  Don’t you think someone worth marrying will be head over heels for you, not some other girl?  Makes it pretty clear he is NOT “the one.”  Why would you want to be with anyone said these things to you and felt this way?  I know you have feelings for him, but you need to realize these things.

A’s past actions have no bearing on the situation, it’s entirely your Ex’s decision/feelings.

But don’t worry, you’ll be THRILLED one day that this relationship didn’t work out when you actually meet the right person.

Just cut him out of your life completely (no talking!) and move on!!  Easier said than done, but you can do it.

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