Relationship post engagement

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My FI hates when I comment on his driving too.. So maybe its just a guy/pride thing? I can’t comment on the distant situation though. If anything we became closer after getting engaged. Was getting engaged something you pushed for, or was it something he brought up as well?

Post # 3
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2015 - Banquet Hall

My Fi always tells me to not be a side car driver. But he doesn’t get upset like that at all. When we got engaged it has brought us together and made our bond stronger. So did he want to propose? Because your statement, ” i would have never asked him to propose”, makes it seem like it was your idea only?

Post # 4
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That’s weird. It sounds like he’s feeling particularly stressed – was he all into the engagement? Have you asked him if he’s feeling stressed? You should definitely have the ability to comment on his driving it if it is making you uncomfortable. Are you feeling stressed? I would definitely sit down and talk to him about handling the stress of engagement – everyone’s expectations are definitely stressful in some situations. My husband and I refused to think about the wedding for about a month after getting engaged (even setting a timeline), which gave us the space to let all the family expectations simmer down and give us room to breathe. If he’s particularly stressed about being engaged, maybe delve into that a bit because he shouldnt’ be. Good luck!

Post # 5
1862 posts
Buzzing bee

Hmmm — sounds like he’s feeling anxious. It’s most likely not because of anything you’ve done. It’s probably just the situation; maybe even something only tangentially related to the engagement.   

Since he won’t talk to you, maybe leaving him a letter will help. I don’t know if this is your style, or his, but it might be helpful. It’s a form of communication that provides both space and intimacy; two things that are very important in any marital and soon-to-be-marital relationship. 

If you write him a letter, try to get across the fact that you love him and that if there’s anything he needs or wants to talk about, you’re there to listen. It’s simple, but it might get him to feel more comfortable and, hopefully, come talk to you when he feels he can. You know your fiancée best, so you’ll know when/where/how to give it to him if you decide to do this. 

I hope things get better and that all of this gets worked out. 

Post # 6
601 posts
Busy bee


Gottolaugh:  Do you have reason to think he was pressured or rushed to propose? 

Post # 8
4043 posts
Honey bee

Gottolaugh:  While he may have overreacted to your comment, it seems like you may be overthinking the situation. To say you would rather get along and not be engaged seems a little odd given it has only been a week.

Was this an isolated incident? Or has that much stuff really happened in the past week for you to question your compatibility and engagement? 

How long have you two been together? Did you get engaged quickly and thus cause him a lot of stress? 

If this was an isolated incident, I wouldn’t think much of it. If he has done this a lot before or has shown a dramatic switch in personality, then I would be more concerned. 

Post # 9
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s only been a week…..relax a bit.

Post # 11
1862 posts
Buzzing bee

sara_tiara:  Geez, I skipped right over that part…

It has only been a week, OP. Hang back for a little while — maybe another week or two — and see how things go. If he keeps acting this way or gets worse, then try to see what’s going on. 

ETA: wait, wait — he got drunk and disappeared? That’s a big detail. What was his explanation for that?

Post # 12
4043 posts
Honey bee

Gottolaugh:  Six years is a good amount of time to date. Are you two both young? Did he seem ready for marriage?

Just trying to determine if maybe something else could be causing stress. Was the drunk related incident in the past week or just something random that happened at some point in the past?

Post # 14
2340 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

There is something wrong.  You need to talk to your FI asap.

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