- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Wasn’t sure if this was the place to post, but thought perhaps someone could give me some advice on how to deal with a long time friend and her problem with relationships. I tend to write too much so I’ll try to be brief.
I’ve known this girl for my entire life, she was a neighbor and a few years older. I must say before I begin that she is a little learning disabled and socially awkward. Nothing drastic, but it will affect the way she communicates (namely via email/text; I’m used to reading them, but strangers may not be able to decipher what she is saying with misused words/meanings). It also affects how comfortable she is around people. She was made fun of a lot in high school and doesn’t have a lot of friends.
She’s the kindest person I know, such a good heart. Very sentimental. Very old fashioned. Which is fine. BUT she believes Mr. Right will just come knock on her door. She’s living very much a sheltered life. She’s very much a home body, doesn’t socialize a lot, except when I used to take her out with my friends when I was in college, and shortly after. When we did, it wasn’t horrible, but she doesn’t drink, and refused to drive, so that got old being the one to pick her up, drop her off, and have to limit my own drinking when I was out having fun. She would often look uncomfortable – because we were all able to talk and engage with people while she seemed awkward. I say this with love, but I’m shy, always was shy, and I was able to approach people and have a conversation. She never was.
Right now, she keeps looking to me (and her one other friend) to take her out and be a constant presence in her life, but that’s very difficult. She spent years not bending her life when we asked her and invited her places. (Won’t go out during the week, needs her downtime on the weekend). The other friend is engaged, and I am (God willing) soon to be as well. The days of going out for drinks and spending time at fun bars all the time is over. I rarely go out myself unless it’s local, and I no longer live in my hometown anymore. That limits the chances to hang out, although we still do always make the time to hang out every other month or so, but it’s more to grab lunch, or have a meal at home, not go out and socialize.
Recently she’s been making some progress. Going out by herself (amazing really) to watch games at the local bar. Going to a fitness class by herself. And she’s engaged herself and talked to people. Miracle! Her other friend and I have been very encouraging of this, really trying to push her to expand her circle of friends because even though we will always be there for her and care for her, we can’t be the single, young girls we once were.
I’m thrilled she’s heading in the right direction. But I was curious if anyone had any other ideas on how she could meet new groups of friends, or potential dating interests.
Because she is a little learning disabled, I feel online dating may be dangerous for her (although I love it personally). She is aware she can’t share personal information on twitter/facebook, but I don’t know it’s her best bet to keep her safe. Plus her grammar/communication would be a turnoff, I’m afraid. In person, she is much easier to understand.
Any ideas? I’d like to get her happy and with someone, in her own time. But I don’t know how to make safe, productive recommendations. It’s not like there is a place where socially awkward people come together that I can throw her towards. I care about her, and I want her to be happy, but I’ve run out of ideas on my own.
Any help appreciated. Thanks!!