RELATIONSHIP TROUBLE – BFF

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do I tell my BEST friend her husband is seeing another woman behind her back?
    NO - It's none of your business : (2 votes)
    3 %
    YES - She is your BEST friend : (47 votes)
    60 %
    Give her husband an ultimatum to tell her : (24 votes)
    31 %
    Tell her you will support her no matter what (while keeping the other woman secret) : (5 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3718 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would tell him that he has to tell her by a certain date, say a week from now. And if he doesn’t tell her, you will. That way, the ownsership is on him

    Post # 4
    Member
    3016 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

    I would not want to be responsible for this. I have no idea what I’d do. This guy sounds like he is going off the deep end. It could be the end of his marriage or it could be a very very deeply bad “spell.” I just don’t think I would want to be responsible for possibly ending the marriage.

    On the other hand, he has to tell her. Ugh. I’m sorry,  I’m no help here….

    Ok, I guess imaging I’m your friend… you should tell her.

    Post # 5
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    If it was my best friend without a doubt I would disclose this information To her.  IT is going to be a very painful time for your friend so be prepared to help her in any way possible.  I never quite understand why people do this.  If you are uninterested in your partner and no longer have any feelings with them , why drag them through all this heartache when the divorce could be much easier without another persoN involved. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee

    @Katie Koekblik:  Oh man, that’s a tough situation. Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you! The husband is behaving pretty unforgivably at the moment – even if your mom dies, it doesn’t give you a free pass to abuse the love of your wife and children like that. If I were in her position, I would want to know, so I would tell him that he has to tell her by x date, and if he chooses to take the cowardly route and not tell her, then you will. Normally I try and stay out of other peoples’ relationships, but you guys seem so close that it’s probably worth it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    468 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Katie Koekblik: 

    I’m sorry you have this weight on your shoulders. About her husband …

    It sounds like this guy was never really that attracted to his wife to begin with, and now that he has lost someone very meaningful in his life, he is taking all kinds of moves to just be his partying, affair-having self. And to do something like that to his wife when she took care of his mother when she was ill. There are no words …

    I would NOT give this man an ultimatum. Judging from the kind of behavior he is exhibiting and how emotional the situation is, this man might be able to throw some really threatening behavior your way. I would even say protect yourself and stay out of it.

    Maybe when things calm down a little more you can let her know, but this situation just seems a little too volatile right now.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    2562 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Tell your friend that you have her back no matter what, but I’d also tell her to get the fuck out of that relationship and that house.

    Don’t bother with him – he’s not worth your time, and if you get too involved I get the feeling he’ll start pulling you in to try and help him “cover up” all his problems, like a scapegoat.

    It’s over – he has NO interest in continuing, and they’re both just dragging it on.

    I get it – they have kids… but speaking from experience, watching your dad disappear whenever and however long he wants for years until your parents finally divorce is painful… I’d only give him a couple of months before I said “OK, we’re done – the kids and I can’t sit by while you selfishly destroy our family anymore.”

    Also, personal opinion: Fuck him. Seriously – what a fucking asshole. I don’t have the right words to say what a horrible, awful parent and husband he sounds like JUST by his doing this to his family without a care. I don’t care how great he used to be – this is his NOW and he is really bringing his WORST to the table for his own family. What an asshole.

    Post # 9
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    If this was my best friend, I’d tell her in seconds. I wouldn’t even be talking to the asshole husband.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would tell her immediately because she is financially dependent on him. She is going to have to start taking care of herself sooner than later and she might as well get a jump on it now.

    Post # 11
    Member
    845 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @Katie Koekblik:  My loyalty would lie with my best friend, so I’d tell her. I would want to know if she found out my husband was cheating.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If he leaves at night and doesn’t come home, I think your BFF knows he is cheating.  You would probably just be giving extra information, not new information, so I would tell her. 

    I know grief and depression are strong forces, but it doesn’t excuse him from treating his family like this.  Maybe other Bees know the answer to this- if she has proof her husband was cheating, would that affect a divorce (money, custody of the kids)?  

    Post # 13
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If I found out my BFF knew my husband was cheating and didn’t tell me, I’d feel betrayed by *both* of them.  I think you either need to tell her OR give her husband the ultimatum that he needs to tell her what’s going on.

    It sounds like he’s kind of gone off the deep end since his mother’s death…his mother just passed away at the end of January and he has a new girlfriend whom he met a month ago.  Seems like he was really hurting about his mom being close to death and he was seeking comfort elsewhere.  I don’t think their marriage is doomed but this guy needs help ASAP.  And your friend needs to protect herself by getting out of that house (and protecting herself from possible STDs as well).

    You sound like you’re a great friend to both of these people.  I’m sure you’ll do the right thing and support your friend as best you can.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think you should tell her, because ultimately your loyalty lies with your friend.

    You did offer to help him and he rejected it. He told you everything, he came clean and you offered to take him to the doctors, but he didn’t show. That would make me angry.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    13003 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’d tell him he has a week tops to tell her before you do.  This bullshit doesn’t need to go on any longer than that with two confused kids and if she needs to get out there and support herself again.  I know he’s hurting from his mother’s death, and I do feel for them, but that’s really no excuse for this.  People pass all the time, they don’t all go wild and start cheatingn their SOs.

    Post # 16
    Member
    729 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I would absolutely tell her. She deserves to have all of the information, and it sounds like her husband is too chicken shit to be honest with her. 

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