(Closed) Relationships and Finances

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Has debt affected your relationship?
    Yes- we broke up : (2 votes)
    8 %
    Yes-but we stayed together (it changed the timeline or other) : (8 votes)
    32 %
    Not really-but it scared me : (8 votes)
    32 %
    No, it didn't matter to me : (7 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1719 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I voted “Yes-but we stayed together (it changed the timeline or other)”.

    I had a ton of debt.  It was school loans being backed-up and trying to live on my own.  (I didn’t have the opportunity to move back with the parents.)  So, it was a tough conversation to have with the FI at first.  (He is great with his money and has investments.)  The FI was ok with the debt knowing that I wasn’t accuring debt from shopping sprees.

    I had an ex who is always in debt.  He isn’t swimming in it but he always spends to the very last cent.  And, it was a big red flag to me.  We didn’t break up over it but the way he spent frivolously made me doubt whether or not he could settle down and save for the important things.  i.e. house, retirement, etc.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4276 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I am in debt due to a huge mistake that I will never make again, I told my husband this while we first started dating because I knew our relationship was getting serious. He totally understood and said he can deal with it. That I am worth it and that I just let a bad person take advantage to me. That it has happened to alot of girls he knows. It has not affected our relationship other then me being stressed and not being able to open any new lines of credit.

    Now, my ex…. his debt was a continual problem and he didn’t seem to let it bother him at all. He owed people a bunch of money, was being sued by multiple creditors and just spending way beyond his means. He didn’t seem to care at all. I did not know how much he owed exactly because he said it didn’t matter. Now, that to me….is a red-flag, not only does it lead to array of problems, but it really shows what kind of person he was. There is nothing wrong with alittle bit of debt, but that much debt and not caring? Not surprising, he was a horrible human being. I left him for other reasons, not just the debt.

    Post # 5
    Member
    8044 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    It’s SO important to be on the same page financially. My ex and I broke up because of his debt. It wasn’t so much the fact that he had debt… it was the fact he had no issue adding to it, and totally lacked ambition. I tried to put a plan in place for us to pay off our debt together (I had debt too from university), but that didn’t work. It was endlessly frustrating and stopped us from reaching any goals. Hell, he completely lacked goals or direction himself. I just couldn’t do anything with him.

    In my current relationship, my guy and I are on the same page re: finances. We started talking about it from the beginning, and we plan our goals together. We do budgets together. It helps that he was trained as an accountant, but money really sets the direction of your life… so I think everyone needs to talk about finances before they get serious.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    For me this depends on the person. It is totally understandable for people to have a mortgage sized student loan, but for me, it depends on how they handle the debt.

    My ex who was in med school was living it up all on his student loans. So it wasn’t that I broke up with him because he had 6 figures in student loans, but it was more the fact that he had no desire to pay off the debt sooner than the law required once he graduated. He would get a new car every 2 years, and not cheap cars, fast and expensive cars, only wear designer clothes, and eat at high end restaurants on a regular basis. It was all of that combined that made me realize I could never mingle finances with someone like that. Heck, or even stand by and watch him spend money he didn’t have so recklessly.

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