relationships are hard…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You need to tell him what you just said here.

It’s time for a frank and honest conversation about your feelings and his 

Post # 5
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It doesn’t sound like either of you is ready to be engaged. 

Post # 6
6194 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

It sounds like he’s fine with committing to you but he’s not ready to get married. Even if it’s been 8 years, he’s only 24. Most guys aren’t ready to get married at 24. He didn’t say he doesn’t want to marry you, he said he’s not ready to get married period. 


Pushing him won’t result in anything good IMO- you don’t want him to propose just because you demanded it, do you? You need to decide whether it is more important to you to get married right now because you want to, or to marry him when he’s ready. 


ETA I read your update and marriage is primarily about compromise. You should work on that before you start begging for a proposal


Post # 7
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

In my experience, guys tend to think about things with less emotion than we do. We say “he isn’t proposing, he must not love me!”, they think “how can I propose when I don’t know where I’ll be working, or where we might be living in 6 months?”

He probably feels like too many things outside of your relationship are unsure, so it’s not time for such a big step. Before we got engaged DH always said he wanted us to be done school, and in our careers. He always told me “how can I ask you to promise your life to me when I can’t even give you an idea of what it will look like?”

I think this is a time where he needs to be a little selfish…..caring about his job doesn’t make you second place, o rmean he loves you any less. I’d be willing to bet that he wants you BOTH to have a great life, and feels like having a secure job he’s happy in is a big part of that.

Post # 8
81 posts
Worker bee

Whoa, slow down your thinking!

It’s time for you to calm down and then have a conversation with your BF. Have you told him that you’re not comfortable moving to a different country unless you’re married? If you haven’t, you should start there.

If he proposes next year and you have a two year engagement, you’ll reach his ideal age of marriage at 27. Unless you need him to propose tomorrow, you guys might not be so far off after all?

Have you read this post:

Post # 11
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

First of all great for you two being together since you were 15/16. However in the grand scheme of things that doesnt even count toward your relationship til your at least 18 and completely matured.

So saying you have been together that long while true doesnt mean that you have had the emotions and maturity to be considered an adult couple. I know Im gonna take flack for it but it had to be said.

Also, what you necessarily want at 18 may not be the same thing that you want at 21 or even 25. Also your boyfriend might only be counting the time you have been together since you and he were 18.

Marriage is a huge step. Most guys dont even consider marriage until they are 25. You and he need to get on the same page. Its called a time line…You dont have to tell him about it, but let him understand that you arent going to another country without a marriage.

Also another PP stated that men think of marriage with less emotion and more practicality and that is true. Men also dont worry about years passing like we do.

You need to set down very clear expectations and if he doesnt meet them then you have to decide what is best for you.

Post # 13
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

1. He’s 24. A lot of guys are not ready to consider marriage at the age of 24. They just are not there yet. It’s not a reflection on you, your value as a person, or your relationship. he just isn’t ready.

2. Guys like to do things in order. They define themselves by their ability to provide stability and financial resources. Your guy does not feel stable yet. Hence #1… he’s not ready. Again, it has nothing to do with you. He needs to work on himself and his career to get to a place where he feels stable and ready.

3. Learn to compromise and be patient now, because this is not the last time that you will have to do so. You are going to go through all of the same conversations when you want to buy a house, have a baby, etc. You two may be ready for those big steps at different times, so learning how to communicate, compromise, and be patient now will pay off later.

Post # 14
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it is time to have a discussion with him because if he can’t even get a decent bed for the both of you, I don’t know if he has his thoughts right. You shouldn’t have to feel like your relationship take s aback seat to everything else. You have been together with him a long time, but you guys were also young for many of those years. He has probably just started maturing in the last 2 years with his job and what not, so I would give him some time. However, I would let him know that before you think about moving with him he needs to give you a direction you guys are headed. There is no way I’d move to a different country for a guy I was dating.

Post # 15
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@lsimpson:  Yes, you are being dumb Smile  (in the nicest way possible)

Is it really so bad he wants his “life in order” first? He seems like a well thought out person. He wants a degree to get a good job. How is that a bad thing? Now that he has a degree he wants a well paying job he is HAPPY in. How is that bad? In other words, he wants to feel secure financially and emotionally before he tackles the stressful and permanent idea of marriage.

Post # 16
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@TexasSpringBride:  +1 this

@lsimpson:  I’ve been with my SO since we were 17/18 (I’m 6 months older). We’ve been together a little over 7 years, lived together a little over 2.5 years. I’ve been ready for a proposal for about 3 years now, but he hasn’t been ready. It’s only the past 2 months that he’s been open to talking about getting married. We will be engaged by the end of this summer, and we’ll both be 25. Maybe your SO just needs another year! It sounds like our situations have been fairly similar, with guys who just weren’t ready yet. You should also work on making your relationship the best it can be–sounds like the bed thing is a bit of an issue. My SO’s turn around happened shortly after we moved and I started grad school. I was finally happy with what I was doing and it did wonders for our relationship.

Don’t give up hope!

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